I cried "corn beef" in a demonic voice in front of people I'd just met. If that tells you anything about me...
Other than that, the name is Nabilah Johari who goes by her days embarrassing friends with her shameless antics.
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PROFILE ►
I cried "corn beef" in a demonic voice in front of people I'd just met. If that tells you anything about me...
Other than that, the name is Nabilah Johari who goes by her days embarrassing friends with her shameless antics.
Sometimes I wish I could be that anti social tomboy I was, with a wardrobe of monochrome colours. But then I'll need to untangle myself from the dorks, gays and gals whom I love to be anti social. Haaah, hate me for wanting to be a emo anti social beeeetch.
I miss her. In a yknow fan towards idol kinda thing.
So I've just heard about this Spankwire video and I also heard that it's not for the prude and sensitive. Squeamish. Shit, I get goosebumps just by imagining it!
Goodluckies to whoever sitting for Socio AS tomorrow morning. Gila kali, morning lagi tu kan.
And I nearly forgot about one more thing. Twilight fans, don't kill me in my sleep for laughing and agreeing(even though I've never read it) to the review about to be mentioned. Come to think of it, I'd like to beat Edward Cullen, the sexy vamp, with a stick too.
I'm happy. I've been in a good mood. The ketam masak kari did do me good. Very luscious, meaty and it came in a large package. Awesoommme (Y). But my brother played the 30 days of night DVD so uh, the grotesque gore killed the moment I had with my ketam masak kari. [caresses the bowl of crabs]
Plans for tonight : Finish up the characterisation table, and the essay on motherhood on D. Copperfield. Check fandoms. Eat. Stare at the empty spaces in my room. Oh, and plot an ambush on the enemy. (No cold blooded shit-coloured reptilians should live! I'll squash them and impale them on satay sticks, then grill them. Oh, sweet revenge. [throws fist into the air])
Of course you can't guess the answer. *rolls eyes* And no, I'm not trying to be snarky here.
I've mentioned in the previous entry that I'll find comfort out of this shallow sorrow, and Zimah's name is the victim.
Due to the last entry the responses were awesome-er than having Soto in the middle of an ungodly hour. And I mean it. ILY guys. God bless you, my awesome readers. God bless you crazy. And in one of the tags, the awesomely smart&super productive more than me ZATILhad all the answers to my sorrow. She suggested Google Blog Search.
I used it!
I --
I used it.
I used it and typed in Maktab Duli.
And what did I get? Screw de ja vu. Screw it. And that's all I will say.
I typed in Maktab Duli GDL, screw it. Maktab Duli GDL, screw it. Maktab Duli geng dapan library, Maktab Duli MD, Maktab Duli MD di Brunei wah, none. Once again, screw you search engines. Screw. You.
I typed in Zee Rahman on a whim, and it is by far the most crushing, inveigh-instigating, rancorous, utterly inane hair-pulling exasperating excuse for a search engine I have ever come across to.
I love it.
Well sorta.
I lied. It really does frustrates me.
Zimah got listed in. At the most top number one.
Oh gheijoy.
Dzar's blog is listed, with the help of Zee's name.
Ipso facto it prompt my disavow--burning desire to promote my blog wish to disseminate my online journal and I will mention Zee Rahman in here once in while, or a lot of times. *shrug*
And if you're wondering, no, I won't explode in a sudden burst of outrage when I find out I won't find my blog again. So come on back here, or at least come nearer than your 10 miles radius restraint. I'm not a cannibal, I promise I ain't.
Tally ho people. Till then hate search engines with me. It will be considred a mortal sin if you don't.
I've been slightly more or less productive an hour ago, and it's the only time I've ever been so productive.
Back to the main thing;
Hours ago I've been bawling my eyes out thinking whether to do it or not - at which the it I don't plan to tell - and, I guess, after the one-on-one girl talk(which kinda includes a lot of heartfelt confessions, sudden outpour - as in tears, dammit - insecure emotional state) it drilled in me deeper than I had expected.
It left me thinking.
Thinking about a lot of things, really.
Things that really could send into tears in matter of seconds. Yeah, that touchy sensitive issues and the likes.
So I was made to think while I was in the shower whether I should continue. Forget and let time mend the wound, or continue on for the sake of friendship.
Then a hour ago with eyes as red as buah pinang, and sunken deep, and just a big pile of mess in pursuit to comfort myself, plus I was feeling bored, I googled the name Maktab Duli in hopes of seeing if my blog is in the list.
I'm not sure whether to feel relieved or heartrendered at finding that my blog wasn't in that list. So I made more keywords in it, for example, Maktab Duli, Maktab Duli PMAMB, Maktab Duli MD, Maktab Duli. Most of the stuff there I see GDL's blog a lot. Haha. :D
Then I wanted to see if my blog would appear. I've written Maktab Duli catalyst, Maktab Duli GDL, Maktab Duli limerence. None. I wasn't satisfied just yet when I took a more drastic measure.
You know what I wrote down?
You reaaallyy wanna know?
You fricken serious you wanna know?
Well fine, let me C&P. I typed GDL Wardah Munir Juzai Dzar Izni Zee Mush Fakhri Nab Nabs. Yes, I was that desperate to know if my blog was known. Haha. And no, I won't say that I'm hungry for popularity. Well, in this case my blog. Not myself. I don't want myself to be famous; just me blog.
Haha. God, tell me how stupid was I to go that far to see if my blog is listed out. And it actually did. :D Well somewhere below GDL's blog, Izni's, and Neesa's. Damn, how sad.
So I was thinking that if maybe I could boost up my blog into the upper list in Google by mentioning Maktab Duli more often here.
Yeah.
MAKTAB DULI MAKTAB DULI MAKTAB DULI MAKTAB DULI MAKTAB DULI MAKTAB DULI MAKTAB DULI MAKTAB DULI MAKTAB DULI MAKTAB DULI MAKTAB DULI MAKTAB DULI MAKTAB DULI MAKTAB DULI MAKTAB DULI MAKTAB DULI MAKTAB DULI MAKTAB DULI
MAKTAB DULI MAKTAB DULI MAKTAB DULI MAKTAB DULI MAKTAB DULI MAKTAB DULI MAKTAB DULI MAKTAB DULI MAKTAB DULI MAKTAB DULI MAKTAB DULI MAKTAB DULI
Haaah. Now after I post this useless entry up, I'll google again Maktab Duli and see if it works.
[EDIT] Aii membari sakit ati jua tu. I googled Maktab Duli and I found none of my blog and them GDLs, Izni's, Neesa's although I found Ing Siang's. The second time I tried with Maktab Duli GDL, the membari sakit ati thing was I found none of my blog again. Gila baiieee. And and the most shocking yet funny thing was after GDL's blog was listed out I found Juzai's friendster.
And how did I react? "-_____- O__________O WTF??!! Gah, I need to pee. But for god's sake, where in God's name is my blog??" Yu-huh. After Juzai's fster was Qawie's blog. And he's not even in GDL or even in MD anymore. Hah. Gila membari sakit ati wah, parah wah jantung ane. PARAH. Merati PARAH?? Kalau inda, click saja ane, jangan galat eh. Kalau masih inda merati tanya Cigu Bahasa Melayumu ah, tanya ia apa ertinya Parah hati jantung jiwa sejiwa-jiwanya parah kan dibunuh diri ane inda jua si Nab ah. Yeah, ask her/him that. Tapi flowing lah darah merah ini dalam hati dan jantung ini. FTW? Hiiiisshhhh. I just want my blog to be listed out without typing out keywords that are soo fricken specific like GDL Wardah Munir Juzai Dzar Izni Zee Mush Fakhri Nab Nabs. You gotta feel me, man. Fo' yo sistah fr'm n'tha motha. Understand how stupidly heartbroken I am. Till then hate Google for me for not listing out my blog. You love me right? Then... then... hate Google. For me. Just me. I'm lovable right? Okay don't vomit on my carpet now.
Fine. Don't love me. I know I'm not as stalkable as that person sana atu whose name begins with a Z and ends with either an E or an H.
[EDIT OF AN EDIT]
The bloody thing won't budge. Call me desperate, selfish or an attention seeker but damn, why in this cyber world won't my blog pop up?
Gah, bloody fricking hell. When I typed in Fakhri, Munir, Mush Google finally shows my blog?? *facepalms* Whatever.
I'll comfort myself to another random useless project then. Let's see if Zee's name pop out in Google. That would be fun, no?
I FRICKEN DON'T WANT SAM TO FRICKEN DIE JUST LIKE THAT!!
EEEEEEEEEEEE DIE YOU AMERICAN ARMY DUDE FROM AFGHANISTAN!! DARN YOU JAKKEE!! DARN YOU!
Sammy, you're just too bloody nice to even kill someone to save your life and many others. You're just too bloody nice.
But then I guess the whole Dean holding onto his little brother's dying body so closely totally cancels some of my hate for this episode. And Jake. Did I mention that i hate Jake the American soldier who's originally in Afghan? Yes? Well, I'm just gonna repeat it anyway. I hate Jake for killing Sammy. I hate Ava too. She's a psycho bitch. And she deserves to be killed with her head facing back. Biiitch.
Fuh, and now I will calm myself down and continue to rant in front of the mirror throwing curses at my reflection.
Till then, think twice when trusting someone who says "That's why your head is screwed up, because you're Bruneian."
Yeah, think twice. Even if that teacher person is someone who will help you in your near future.
Crying seems to be my last resort; be it the reason foolish and trivial. My reasoning can never be of logic. It can never be. Here I am - almost lifeless - crying my heart out, listening to JaeJoong's latest rock solo. His voice filled with pain, as if trying to get determination and hope reach out of the surface. Here I am, letting tears drop near my laptop with no fear of damaging the internals, wishing so hard that I was there in front of him. With the large number of deafening screaming audience, screaming my heart out with them. I wish so much that I could be.
I think the pressure from the exams is getting to my head. I need him, no, not Jaejoong, but him. I want to talk to him. Make him listen to me complain and whine like a 5 year old. I need him to listen to me, coax me out of my I-don't-know-if-it's-depression-or-stress. I feel so weak, again. I don't need this, much less at this critical time.
If time is reversable I should be at Asia Song Festival yesterday. I should be drowned in the resonant sounds of the deafening music booming from the huge stereos. I should be crying seeing Jaejoong in front of me. I should have been there. But, much to my distaste, I was not. I could be at PREMIUM Mini Live. But, it's just that, no.
(sigh)
Everything is so fuzzy now. My mind seems to be, brainwashed. Things are just a mesh of everything I was thinking of and into a puddle of weirdly-coloured goo.
I always feel something tugging inside me whenever I hear Jaejoong's voice, but whenever it's him the feeling is different from what I would feel if it's Jaejoong. Haha. What the hell am I talking about? It's not like I am in love with Joongie that lot. Why would I feel stronger for the other him? Be it another case of temporary attraction, please I beg you God. Let it be like that.
Oh dear god, I'm jumping from one problem to another then to another.
If you trust me, would you still consider me as your friend? Even after what I might confess, would you push me and throw me away like a rag doll, and never talk to me again? Would you? The thought of that already sends shivers down my spine. I hope not. I so very hope not.
T-minus 17 hours and some minutes till the exam tomorrow. I should continuing cramming everything right now.
Let's hope for the best, and push aside the negative thoughts. I will live through this, I will live through this, I think I will live through this.
There are things that scare the wits out of me, and I thought to myself just now that maybe, just maybe, I wasn't mentally prepared for what was to come in my direction. It really scares me. Even when I hear the words from him shrivels my soul. And daftly I just realised that now, after months he said that to me. Pretty freaky. And another one of those lines from him just this afternoon I felt it in my skin, that it felt so foreign and daunting.
This feeling only crept up to a higher and a frightening level with the "help" of Aaron only makes this hollow feeling more forbidding. Oh dear god, thinking about it makes my fingers hard to move about on the keyboard. It's practically numb and kinda frozen.
Oh god, why you? Why? Of all people why me?
My breathing ragged and my chest thumping at a rate that it could burst. Oh god why?
I know it was my fault that I made him this way. But I tried reasoning with me why he should stop. But it seems that my words were just air. Air that you could just wave it off and tale for granted.
I'm sorry. I knew it was all my doings. So please for my sake, stop.
*
If I knew any better, I would've studied for Socio at least a day before the day of the test. (facepalm)
Cramming all the specifics and essentials about interviews and questionnaires in less than ten hours is proven to be unattainable and instigates a high chance of permanent brain damage. And I think I'm undergoing the initial process now. Or did it happen earlier ago when I fell asleep during the test. (shrug).
Anyhoo yet again, I didn't do that well for the first paper of the Socio test and now I have to study a whole lot harder for the second paper to make up for the first. (sigh) Ah well. I don't know how to force myself to study Socio.
I need motivation. Really. And a whole lot too. A huuggee chunk of it. Because I don't wanna fail for the second MPR.
Sociology is the only subject that I've ever come across to abhor to the very core of my burning soul full of anger and hatred. I hate youuuu Socio!!
*
After the test I quickly packed up my stuff and rushed to the library. Hahaha. I have hidden agendas. Well not so hidden. But still I had stupid trivial reasons why I practically ran and almost tripped on my two feet and stepped on my skirt. (sigh)
There wasn't anyone I know in front of the library and killed time by reading the fics I saved from various LJ comms. And coincidentally "he" was there. Hm. Was taken aback for a short moment before I went to sit somewhere I can't recall where. (is in a total blur) Yeah.
So I read fics and unconsciously kept on glancing at him. And he was busy with his own stuff so wasn't the slightest bit concerned about getting caught redhanded taking glances at him. Yet again I was proven wrong... he saw.
Actually that wasn't the first time today. While I was studying for Socio which started 5 minutes before the test and he suddenly appeared out of nowhere and I got very very distracted. I began acting the usual hyper, crazy, fangirl me and my head almost went around 360 degrees scanning the area for him and was turning around.
He turned to somewhere around me and stupidly, I quickly turned around and flail my arms about as if I was stretching my arms. HAHAHAHA I was stiff that time so the stretches were as stiff as a board! HAHHAHA!! Man, why do I tend to lose my cool when it comes to this? HAHHAHA!! It's sooo not me.
So after I finished reading those fics I made my way out and I felt the wind crashing to my face and the coldness was uncanny. It wasn't everyday that you feel small droplets of rain hitting you face as soon as you step out of the library.
It drizzled at first and I sat alone on the red plastic chair and kept on seeing the he-b*tch from time to time. So I thought that of I can't really kill him or punch the lights out of him, maybe I could learn to forget about what happened and yeah.
No sooner Fakhri, Zils, Baz and the others came from... somewhere under the light rain and then FWOOOSSHHH!!! the rain became heavy as soon as they stepped on the pavement. HAHHA! Sometimes I love how nature works its wonderous ways. Ooo~ Alliteration! And then there was strong wind and everything clattered and glass fall and crash into uncountable pieces, notes flown and scattered everywhere on the wet muddy ground, skirts.....flew up..... and guys go 'Oooh~ Phewiit!' Bunch of pervs.
Then talked with Zati for a while behind the library before she went home and the rain withered and the wind died down for a bit and everything calmed down. Then silence.
Uwaa~ Twas boring that time. Everyone else went to watch the footie match and mom picked me up. Mom, bro and I went to McD because I kept on pestering her about food and how hungry I was.
We ate out and during the destination home my mom was being crazily funny that I laighed till my stomach hurts. She was talking about racing the Merc that was beside us.
So then while turning at a curve with the hot sleek grey Merc still beside us, she kept on saying "Mari ko, mari ko, hahahaha cuba lawan mercedesku ane nah! Hah! Hah! Cubatah nah!" HAHAHAH And then and then she had this poker's face on and her back slumped forward as if imitating a real racer! HAHHAHA!!
She pushed the pedal to the metal and zoomed past the Merc then laughed in her so called victory and continued racing against the Merc which eventually "won" against her.
And then and then... she made this joke and I swear made me almost piss in my pants...skirt...whatever... HAHAHAHAHA!! Then I continued the joke till we got home~ And laughed-- OH OH!! While mom was about to drive in the junction this um, well known transvestite in our kampong just passed by us and waved to my mom. So then my brother questioned the driver's gender.
Then mom said : "Eh, si Saleha tu!"
And my brother choked on his words when he heard it, and looking at his expression and his sudden silence made me crack up. Then mom continued : "Masa pagi namanya Salleh tu, awal malam ane Saleha jadinya." HAHAHAH I don't know and I'm not sure why that made me ROTFLMAO in the car but I think it's the way she said it. HAH!
Man, then I continued with the statement to become a joke and we laughed to our merry ways till we got home and till we went inside the house. I bet the maid next door thought we were crazy or something. But hey, I had a fun time. My family consistes of three crazy members, a serious member and a baby! And with all that, there's no time when it ain't fun with my mom.
(sigh) I wanna watch the tournament! >________________<
Haaaaaaaaa!! Oh my GOD!! It's been a long time I haven't fangirled like this since..since...MY 17TH BIRTHDAY!!! HEEEEE!!! I NEED someone to fangirl with!! ZATIII!!!!! Where are you when I need you the most!! Ha! HA! HAAAA!!!! *hyperventilates* KYAAAA~!!!!!!!!
A clear insight of the video.
Guys in RED are members of Ya-Ya-Yah.
Guys in WHITE are members of NewS.
The kid in RED is Hikaru.
The guy in WHITE who put his hand on the back of Hikaru is Yamapi whom I adore so much to the most bottom of the bottom of my heart but then I love Shoon more!
And then there's a guy at the end of the song, whom I also fawn over is named Kusano Hironori. I love him~
And then and then there's Yabu - the one who stands at the left of Hikaru and Yamapi!! He's grown to be fine fine fine young man. Then there's Massu. GAH. I need to stop fangirling!!!
HIKARU!! YAMAPI!!!
This is "Summary" perf done in Shounen Club and there's NewS and Ya-Ya-Yah~!! And and the reason why I'm fangirling and hyperventilating and squeezing the life out of my blue pillow is well... JUST WATCH 1:33 and THERE you can see some YamapixHikaru lovin~ HUAA!!! *slaps self* GEGEGEGEGEGEGGE!!! SLAPPING! SELF! DOES! NOT! WORK...ANYMORE!! OH NOOOO!!! *keeps on playing the same scene for thr millionth time* HEEEEEEEE!!!!
Yamapiiiiiii~!! You're Hikaru's sempai! Don't touch him and gaze at him longingly like that!! He's too young! You just wait till he's 19!! He'll be more HOT!! And yeah, HOT!! HUAAAA!!! HIIIKAARUUU!! You looked back at him with..with..those shy eyes!! HEEEE!!!!
And and then you looked at him and he looked at you!! OH MY GOD!! What the hell do you people have in secret?!! A secret relationship or something??? NOOOOOO!!! I mean, YAAYYY!! But no, you're too young!! HAA!!! I'm talking crap again!!! I must stop fangirling and waste the blog with my fangirliness!!
[NOTE : NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH, AS THE VIDEO ABOVE CONTAINS IMPLICIT SAME GENDER HINTED FLIRTS. AND ONLY FOR THOSE WHO ENJOY SHOUNENAI AND YAOI. AND BASICALLY FOR THOSE WHO LOVES/KNOWS YA-YA-YAH AND NEWS.] Thankyou. OH OH OH!! HAAAA!! One more video!! There's SHOON in it! As you Ya-Ya-Yah fans who might be reading this, you know you hardly see our beloved Shoon being all high, on crack or just plain hyper. I know this video you've seen but hey I just love it and I adore Shoon. You can say that I'm practically heads over heels in love with him.
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