I cried "corn beef" in a demonic voice in front of people I'd just met. If that tells you anything about me...
Other than that, the name is Nabilah Johari who goes by her days embarrassing friends with her shameless antics.
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PROFILE ►
I cried "corn beef" in a demonic voice in front of people I'd just met. If that tells you anything about me...
Other than that, the name is Nabilah Johari who goes by her days embarrassing friends with her shameless antics.
Binging on Oreo has to be the best thing to do when you're feeling lazy to study to the goddamned Sociology, jobless and feeling very lonely at the moment. Being a pig that I am, I ate three pieces of Oreo. Not simultaneously, but all at once. I am a pig and I know that you know it.
And don't act surprised if you see a fat girl sitting in front of the library tomorrow. You can point your fingers at her for all you want, but if you want to see the sun set tomorrow I suggest you don't taunt her to eat you alive.
You know them as salesmen.
Food labels these days. Just like kids these days.
So I found this little underrated Japanese drama. From what I've read, it's a rivetting, hard-hitting story of a young woman's struggle through adolescence... because she thinks she's an iguana. Her mother can't stand to look at her, and she grew up ignored and unloved in the shadow of her younger sister... because she thinks she's an iguana.
Let me repeat : the heroine of this drama runs into walls and dodges murder attempts from her mother.
...because she thinks she's an iguana.
And by the way, this little strange plotted drama is called Iguana no Musume, which roughly(since I don't read Japanese that good) means Daughter of an Iguana. Yes, the title in English is much more weirder than the plot. And that's why Japanese dramas don't get much publicity than those romance-themed a bit cliche'd Korean dramas, which I know for a fact that you would bawl your eyes out at some point in the drama. Because we loooovee romance more than odd plots.
Shutting up about foreign dramas now, I'll throw whatever topic I want to talk about. Why? Well this ain't your blog ain't it? And why am I extra snarky now? Because. Hah.
The blog had been dead for a full three days, and I have come back to revive it.
I haven't been feeling right since the lit exam. Too many things had happened since then, till just a few hours ago. And before I start getting emo I'd like to show you a link where this guy totally rocks 'cause his most recent post cracked me up in the middle of the dead night. Since I'm a sick and twisted biiiiiitttccch, I want you readers to feel giddy then slope downhill. NGAH!
Three days of no update killed me inside...
Three days of not blogging almost drove me up the walls...
Three days of no tapping my fingers on the little grey keys itched me to tap this rotten wooden floor...
Greatgran-nini passed when I had my paper, mom being the responsible adult who cares for her children's future that she is textmessaged me in the middle of the exam. How lovely. She thinks too well of me.
Losing focus in the middle of an exam is supposed to be something baaaaaaddd but seeing that it was ELit exam and I was stuck at Anthills, I couldn't care less. Because it's Anthills. After that,went straight to Labi and stayed there till around 11. With my baju kurung since that morning. No changing. Crying. And crying again. Without a shower. Hah. That was the most unhygenic day I've ever gone through. And I loved it. Really.
The next day, my other nini had doa arwah. Damn the chocolate cakes were goooood. I think I managed to win a title of "The Glutton" in the women's side of the family. Hah. Those women are just envious that I finished all the chocolate cakes before they could finish saying "Bite me!".
Nothing coooolll happened that night. Music Station was still Music Station. The guys were still... stupid as ever. Being their dorky lameass selves, but I love taunting these tites. Oh another than that, half of my kain was drenched wet with odd mixture(that I will not investigate further) of... liquid, that are Pepsi, Mirinda Orange, Cendol Temburong, rain water and a little bit of cat piss.
Time arrived home : 10.45PM (I see some improvement there!)
The day after that, Labi was our destination. It was the Makan Tiga Hari thing. Got there around 5, and hung around with my geng(who are actually two of the most flirtatious guys you wouldn't want to be around with), and they kept nagging me to get this one girl whomaturedwaytooearlyforherage punya number.
One word.
Keyword : It starts with the letter E and incessantly ends(Aha. A juxtaposition) with a W.
Get it? Got it? Doubt it.
Now that I thought of these two guy cousins of mine, who are actually proud to be known as pedophillic perverts(don't look at me. At least I like a guy just a few years younger than me unlike them who were targetting on girl who's like, a decade apart), to all my female comprende`s if you were added by some unknown person in MSN with a highly horny and cliche e-mail addresses recently, block them.
Or even, if there is an anonymous person textmessaged you out of the blues saying some cheesy pick-up lines, for example "Who took the stars out of the sky and put them in your eyes?", please do not hesitate to tell them off. You could even say "I'll tell your cousin to tell your wife or your girlfriend you're hitting on your cousin's friends."
Yes, do not hesitate.
Okay then, TTFL.
And remember, close the door when you're fully outside. Or inside. But not when your body is partially inside/outside.
The JE fandom has been in a haywire ever since 20 Sept, and Johnny being the sick and twisted being that he is had taken a step further to break the fans' hearts. I admit that I wailed like a pained wolf in the middle of the night when I heard of the news. It is that heartbreaking for us, especially for the Ya-Ya-Yah, Kis-My-Ft, ABC and many other un-debuted groups.
He had picked members of the said groups and compiled them into one big group of 10 persons, and to only tell them 3 days prior their debut. I mean, they didn't even know about being picked! Oh god Johnny how I hate you with all my guts right now!
Due to Johnny's heartless actions fans from many countries are affected badly, as most were very very disheartened by this. The chinese fans felt hopeless of the revival of the other groups to debut, for example my utmost favourite group, Ya-Ya-Yah.
Johnny is that heartless to leave behind the two other members to in the dark and see their other bandmates debut. It pains me to watch them force out a smile. I won't lie and say I did not cry with other members of other groups when one of them cried. It fucken does hurt me to see them like this, even after many years of workign together and this is how all that hardwork ends?! Johnny... you are one sick perverted old man.
For the first time in my whole life I hated being a JE fangirl with a passion.
Shoon is my most favourite member in Ya-Ya-Yah, and he's one of the two guys not being in the newly formed group, Hey!Say!JUMP. The only reason Johnny didn't make him join the group is just because he wasn't bornt in the year of Heisei(something like Chinese year thing - dragon, pig, rat, rabbit, cock). Just because.
On a happier note, maybe due to this I've been feeling numb. Now that I've partially calmed down a bit, I want to give Johnny Kitagawa a big L on my forehead. Ugghh.
Tomorrow will be the second last exam, and I haven't fully grasped Anthills. This sucks. My brain can't suck in anything more than the more interesting parts in Anthills, in the eariler chapters. I seriously can not grasp whatever there is after chapter 3.
I am doomed. Pray for a peaceful tomorrow, as I might go cookoo(sp?) in the middle of the exam and strip off my tudong and yell "I want to make iPhone babieeessss!!".
I still feel so tired. I don't know why. The enthusiasm and determination that builds up in me whenever I had the chance to update myself about DBSK or the other fandoms, is all gone. The overwhelming joy to the state of euphoria whenever I see another picture or clip of some boyboy loving is now... a completely nothing.
There's nothing in me. I can't feel anything. Even the tears were forced out, at a maximum effort. My love for gays has depleted to nothing. This never happened before, not once or even a second. But now it's been ongoing for almost an hour, I feel nothing.
Something is wrong with me, isn't it? I don't even feel bored. Or maybe I've confused this unexplained despondency as nothing.I... It's very bothering. How... Have you ever felt a sudden gush of mixed feelings and cry for no reason? Seriously what the fuck with wrong with me?!! I can not bear any more sudden breakdowns and feel stupid about it. It's been hurting my mind!!
Fuck, if I could bash my head on a concrete wall to get the answer to all of this, I fucken would! I don't need a damn breakdown, and waste my tears on nothing. These breakdowns damaged my mind enough, my eyes hurts like a bitch but this sadness doesn't wane.
If there is a good soul out there, please tell me why is this so? Please I don't really mind if you even lied, just enlighten me.
By the way, I'm sorry I forgot what today is, Zati. Happy 17th birthday you! Too bad I can't drown you with all my collection of Jaeho pictures. (sigh) Even this(I talk while I type) sounded so lifeless.
I may have posted this video before but I couldn't resist myself from sharing this uber smexy video. Cautions, of course : It is heavy evidence that Jaeho is friggin real!
I love you two men so much! Exaggeration is one of my many badgood traits(Yes, badgood is deliberately typed like that.). To prove you that, I can sputter out hyperbole, gah, I love Jaeho so much!
I mean seriously these guys show their undying affections towards each other rather publicly and indiscreetly at once(Nonsense is another badgood trait of me!) and gets off the hook pretty easily! Eee~
I don't wanna throw around my nonsensical and not so exaggearting words at you 'cause I'm tired. Mentally. Thinking about the similar issues, that I thought was left forgotten at the back of my mind, again really exhaust me.
I want to write a fic. And I want to do some tweakin' on my EAS paper 2. I want it to be perfect, at least for my own enjoyment. I want it to continue, dammit!
I need to calm down. And I need to stop starting new paragraphs with "I"'s; how unpretty that is.
So here I bear a video. Jaeho. Cake. If you're a prude, I advise you not to watch this, because I don't want to think of what sorts of incoherent blasphemy you could come up with, bashing about my OTP. And myself for being this OTPshipper.
Once again, let me end this unprettily(dies due to bad vocab) I am mentally tired. Where the heck are you? I want to throw alll my burden on you, and I need a good sharp slap across the face. I need hot pain to... I'll shut up. I want to stare yonder at nothingness and slowly depleting my brain cells.
Maths(both papers) and Lit is tomorrow. I haven't touched the dust-covered books and notes. My Maths file is located at Zimah's, and I have no options but to study Lit. My eyes are blurry and foggy with the tears that's threatening to fall down.
Isn't it annoying how late is our reality check? How we now realise that it's now or never. I want to live on and continue, and not to stay at a standstill. I don't want to be at the side, looking onto the people as they pass by and succeed.
I do not want that. I really don't. A surge of overwhelming emotions crumbled my walls, and left me fragile and insecure.
Climb up over the top.
Survey the state of the soul.
You've got to find out for yourself whether or not you're truly trying.
Why not give it a shot?
Shake it. Take control and inevitably wind up
Find out for yourself all the strengths you have inside of you.
If words can truly persuade me as they have hurt me, let that be my support, let it comfort me. Lying lifelessly looking at the ceiling can do nothing to me, or my grades. I need an environment. An environment where there are students around me, studying very hard, then that way I could cram study everything.
Crying seems to be my last resort; be it the reason foolish and trivial. My reasoning can never be of logic. It can never be. Here I am - almost lifeless - crying my heart out, listening to JaeJoong's latest rock solo. His voice filled with pain, as if trying to get determination and hope reach out of the surface. Here I am, letting tears drop near my laptop with no fear of damaging the internals, wishing so hard that I was there in front of him. With the large number of deafening screaming audience, screaming my heart out with them. I wish so much that I could be.
I think the pressure from the exams is getting to my head. I need him, no, not Jaejoong, but him. I want to talk to him. Make him listen to me complain and whine like a 5 year old. I need him to listen to me, coax me out of my I-don't-know-if-it's-depression-or-stress. I feel so weak, again. I don't need this, much less at this critical time.
If time is reversable I should be at Asia Song Festival yesterday. I should be drowned in the resonant sounds of the deafening music booming from the huge stereos. I should be crying seeing Jaejoong in front of me. I should have been there. But, much to my distaste, I was not. I could be at PREMIUM Mini Live. But, it's just that, no.
(sigh)
Everything is so fuzzy now. My mind seems to be, brainwashed. Things are just a mesh of everything I was thinking of and into a puddle of weirdly-coloured goo.
I always feel something tugging inside me whenever I hear Jaejoong's voice, but whenever it's him the feeling is different from what I would feel if it's Jaejoong. Haha. What the hell am I talking about? It's not like I am in love with Joongie that lot. Why would I feel stronger for the other him? Be it another case of temporary attraction, please I beg you God. Let it be like that.
Oh dear god, I'm jumping from one problem to another then to another.
If you trust me, would you still consider me as your friend? Even after what I might confess, would you push me and throw me away like a rag doll, and never talk to me again? Would you? The thought of that already sends shivers down my spine. I hope not. I so very hope not.
T-minus 17 hours and some minutes till the exam tomorrow. I should continuing cramming everything right now.
Let's hope for the best, and push aside the negative thoughts. I will live through this, I will live through this, I think I will live through this.
As odd as it sounds, EAS paper was fun. As soon as the teacher in-charge said aloud START I scanned through the first question and my blue inked pen, once again, won over my mind and worked on its own. I wonder if I've written down more crap than I did on EAS paper 2. Oh how I dread the overall marks.
Prior morning's exam, Sally went home on a medical leave. She looked deathly pale. I wonder how she is now. Get well Sally!
The thing I'm worried for is Monday. Foooook. Seriously, I mean seriously the timetable-planner is an evil person and is out to get us. Considering that Maths P6 is my weakness as much as analysing poems and novels, I would certainly fulfill that heartless person's desire. Boo you. We no like you!
Anyway, the Chem students had their paper at 11.30 and I was suprised to see that there were many who took the subject, since before the exam started the front of the library was packed with people with frantic looks on their faces and black-and-white sheets of paper in their hands, and when they left to go into the audi there were only five of us left.
Fakhri, Zimah, Mush and Munir played some Transformers game on Yazid's laptop. Those guys... need to be away from that game. It was contagious, they were high because of it. I swear they could break the laptop apart from their vigorous and rough smashings on the keypads.
Oh, I kept on eyeing on him whenever I pass by his house. Hah. I feel so stupid. And I find it a tad bit endearing, adorable but annoying that he does not get the idea that my way of showing affection is... a whole lot a bit twisted. I throw insults at you 'cause I care. I say that I hate you 'cause I don't want you to know that I liked you.
Either that you played the role of "ignorance is bliss" or you're just plainly clueless, much to my twisted enjoyment. Your clueless-ness-ity-ish attracts me, very. But the more I know you the clearer it is that I ksdfjkhg;s;lsffdon'thaveachancekafa;fljalcoughskf like you.
She came to school, sat on the cold concrete floor at the usual place, took out her notes. Reminding herself to cram every work from the first term till the end, she started off with great determination, burning holes into the black-and-white papers held in her hands.
But the people around her didn't allow her to - they, in their own sneaky cunning way, pulled her away from the notes and made her laugh(shamelessly) like a retarded hyena. She tried to pull herself away from them and continue on with the last minute revision, however they were so contagious, they turn my pages! (...Ignore that last bit. Blame a certain song for that.)
Sociology paper 1 was utter crap. Nothing what I read came out, as expected. Accepting that fact is quite sad and pathetic of me.
From 12.30 till 1PM my focus wavered. Big time. All thanks to my phone(courtesy of my stupidity). I was blissfully asleep during the exam when I felt something vibrating at my hip. I knew it was my mom, and I would be screwed after the exam. She rang about a long painstaking 10 misscalls. From 12.30. Till 1. During an exam. What more of a distraction can that be? I was fool, I know. And that I cannot will not change.
I was scared senseless. More than I was supposed to be pissed. My mom called me. I thought I texted her my exam ends at 1. Maybe I sent it to the wrong number, I thought, I'm screwed.
Panicking was, at that time, the most normal thing a person can react to be in that situation. So I did. I panicked. Shitless. I panicked and I wept. By the time I went into the car, I was calm by then and asked at the most abnormal calmest way, Napa telipun mana? Most abnormal calmest way, my ass. Then I said to her again, Napa mama miscall sepuluh kali atu?
She reacted at the least possible reaction I could've predicted. Her face was a biiigg question mark. She didn't call me, she said. She was praying around zuhur, watched TV, shatberak pooped. Her phone was at the counter table, too high for my baby brother's reach.
During Ramadhan, she then told me, spirits of the dead were given a chance of freedom during this month. Free from their eternal suffering, quite a juxtaposition no? And she had those kinds of minor harmless disturbance by them. Once when we were at my late granddad's cemetery my mom and aunt was there. And out of the blue, while they were still berdoa-ing, mom's phone rang and it showed that my said aunt called despite her bag with her phone in it was right beside her, untouched.
She had another encounter but I don't wanna bore readers with that. So, does that mean some spirit of the dead played tricks on me and planned to make me flunk my paper? That's good, in a way. Because that way I have more reason why I failed.
The final examinations had just started today, and my subject for today was EAS(paper 2). Firstly, I'd be lying if I said it was great. It sucked. Badly.
I had a plot in mind when I saw the question I was destined to write, however due to the time limit my hand grabbed the pen and began to wiggle on the piece of paper. In other words, I didn't know what I was writing, despite a plot progressing in mind. Yes I am a loser. Beat me. (Beat me hard. *breathes*)
What I had written down on my examination paper was fulla crap. And I write like a sissy primary schooler. I used a lot of "I's", "he", "him", "the man" and such, which explains why my paper was five pages worth of (censored) crap.
"I punched Sam in the face, and he cried and begged me to stop bullying him. When I woke up - this was obviously a dream, because nothing so ludicrous could ever happen in real life - Sam was already standing there, because he can read dreams, and he beat my ass for the next three days. I have to say I deserved it."
That was supposed to be part of the story but bearing in mind the markers don't like violent humour, I didn't. I wanted to, but can't. Because I don't think these people wanted to know whether one of their students are capable of writing such black humour slash violence. Well, boo you.
I once tried, during highschool, and the teacher gave me a fat ugly D.
There are four legal methods of execution in the United States: lethal injection, gas chamber, electric chair, and my piece of writing in the EAS exam. I mean it. It's that bad.
I want to cry... out of boredom. I want to scream... out of fulfilment. I want to kill... because Smint told me to.
Very frustrating it was the paper. I've written full four pages back-to-back and a few lines on a new one. And it was about a man who can see spirits and -- an exceedingly beautiful ghost, which was named "Boo" by the guy. Around the end, when Sam(that's the guy's name. Yes, I am very uncreative.) finally saw Boo's appearance when after months staying in his new apartment Boo finally materializes. I deliberately wanted to write boyxboy romance. But I had to jet to write section B which I haven't finished(most of us didn't.). I'm sick. I'm sick and twisted. And that's how I roll.
Upon the finish line I had a little accident. Twice. But thanks to Zimah and some others who helped, I managed to go home safely.
Tomorrow's gonna be hell for me. Sociology paper will waiting for me to scribble all types of accurate, correct, factuals facts that my mind could make up. And factually flunk the paper. Oh yes.
Oh right, you all know that the Maths paper(P1 and P6 together) is all on the same day, along with ELiterature. Both. In one day. Have I mentioned that it's both P1 and P6? And Literature too. On the same day.
Anyone wants to form an angry mob and protest in front of the SA office? Okay, form an orderly line, queue up and let me pencil you in.
I am freaking out. No, spazzing out more like it. But I need to keep it as professional as can be.
First of all, who knew that the reserved stoic prettyboy Jaejoong knew how to move it. If I were you, I would also spazz out looking at it. Because he looks so, ugh hot.
Plus there was a momentary Jaeho moment too. So that will be an additional spaztastic session, for me at least. I watched this in my silent room and my family would think I'm crazy if I suddenly squeal and hit the table. So conclusion : I bit my post diary with all my might to supress my fangirly squeal. Therein now the four edges of my post diary has deep bite marks. (cries) I'm sorry, post diary!
If you watch the video on youtube.com, it would be around 2:32. If you watch this embedded one, it would be around 1:41
Enjoy~ Well that is if you like the kind of smut amusement I usually prefer. It's all in a matter of taste.
And I'm not forcing you to watch it if you don't desire to. My wish is to spread the Jaeho lovin'.
A few entries back I mentioned that I could not for the 19th. And on that specific date something big, to me, will happen. Well right now, bless those active fangirls' cotton socks, I thank god that the Tohoshinki's Japanese single Ride On is been "released".
I know I'm not supposed to freak out.
I know I shouldn't scare you readers with my rabid fangirliness.
I know that I'm blogging about this after my sungkai.
And I am sure that I will not hurt anyone's bodypart in any way.
But to heck with it. I'm happy, no. I AM EXTREMELY HIGH IN THE SKIES RIGHT NOW. Ride On has been released and I knew about it just a minute before the baduk was gong'ed and I know I shouldn't have eat like a pig and choke on my food on the way to my room to blog about this.
Fuck. I mean... really. F-U-C-K.
And I will not shed a tear of overjoy. *quickly wipes away tears*
Before I want to hear how you think about it, admit it to me that it sounds H-O-T hot. It does doesn't it? No? Well, boo you.
Romanized lyrics by Jaejin @ dbsg.lj
Ah ah ah get up. Take a ride? Ah take a ride? Listen you door wo akete jiyuu ni naru gaki wo sashikonde yeah right now kakaru ignition mou ikitsukumadewa orirarenai yeah
oh feel me? give me your more beat. (um umm) atsui mamani so we gotta bounce alright (we gotta bounce alright) girl, squeeze me kono karada ni oshiyoseru in your love oh baby
oh wow wow hey you drive me crazy tonight ima hashirinukeruyo baby alright? (baby alright)
oh wow wow
uh baby you're cruising with me, soshite get in zone
kanjiatte (you're cruising) with me
oh wow wow
good girl (good girl) dokomadedemo kimi wo noseteiku dakara motto yeah
oh no jirasanaide I wanna let you say "want you"
hatenaki daydream yeah
oh feel me? give me your more beat. (oh I know that you feel me)
ijigen (? kanji pixelart xD)he to so we gotta bounce alright (we gotta bounce alright)
sore ijou to my love
Oh wow wow
hey you drive me crazy tonight (drive me crazy tonight)
mada tsuzuku yume nara (baby alright)
oh wow wow
uh baby you're cruising with me kokode get in zone
tokeruyou ni (you're cruising) with me (oh wow wow)
hey you drive me crazy tonight (yeah)
imahashirinukeruyo baby alright? (baby alright)
oh wow wow
uh baby you're cruising with me (cruising with me) Soshite get in zone
kanjiatte (you're cruising) with me
oh wow wow
yeah come on baby
I wanna get in a zone alright
feel me wow wow
hey you drive me crazy tonight
mada tsuzuku yume nara baby alright? (baby alright)
oh wow wow
uh baby you're cruising with me (cruising with me) kokode get in zone
tokeruyou ni (you're cruising) with me (oh wow wow)
hey you drive me crazy tonight
imahashirinukeruyo baby alright? (baby alright)
oh wow wow
uh baby you're cruising with me. Soshite get in zone
kanjiatte (you're cruising) with me
oh wow wow
oh feel me? (give me your more beat baby)
my my girl, squeeze me I wanna get in a zone alright
girl, squeeze me baby amazing sweet
my my girl, squeeze me get in zone alright
oh wow wow
Oh my. Seeing the lyrics totally gives the once-innocent boys as very very naughty sexy and Justin Timberlake-ish. Listening and trying to sing along with the boys is enough to make me sweat profusely already.
These boys rock my world. Really. Those lyrics is... just... *dies* "squeeze me" and "feel me" are hoooottt. I love the 'MMM' part~
From now on I am a very very happy person. Really.
Until I get okay from all this hotness and sexiness the boys are giving me, don't prankcall 991. :))
Each player of this game starts out by giving 6 weird things/fetish about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names.
I have a pedophilic fetish over young boys. Once I saw this cute kid around 12-13 years old at a CD shop, I practically stalked him till my mom pulled me away from the CD shop. (She doesn't know that I stalked him) But the stalking short-lives.
I like shy feminine guys more than buff rugged tough guys
I can easily make clicking sounds with my jaw, and not get hurt during the process :D
My pinky finger would always perk up when holding a spoon, fork, whatever. It knows etiquette. Haha.
I eat no vegetables but carrots.
I once almost died after a sip of green tea, for real.
Haha. I know I'm not the only one with these quirks, I'm sure you got your own. Right now I feel a bit charitable and I'm tagging everyone. Haha.
I wanted to add another quirk about me; that is I have a nose fetish. Haha. This fetish only started around July and only to realise about it a few weeks ago. The first thing I would look in a guy is their nose.
Long straight smooth-looking noses is a "ticket to get me to be friendly with you". I'm not kidding. And I will unashamedly admit that I like Zimah's nose too. HAHA. Really. Yes I am weird. But do remember to do this if you haven't done it yet okay?
Okay, so maybe I couldn't make those oh-so wonderful icons made from heavens above, but I'm not one of those icon prodigies am I? Perfection is what I want in the icons I'm making. Speaking of icons, if I continue to make more icons later on and post them up here, the blog would look messy. So the detour? Of course, there's livejournal.
In fact I do have an account there. As I've mentioned earlier before this entry, I do own one. And I use it for other purposes, other than ranting blogging.
Pushing that aside, my back hurts. No. Somewhere around my hips hurt. It's aching and I feel old. I just felt the aching pain not so long ago after I stood up after many hours being a couch potato(but it's not a couch, it's a... chair. Well I couldn't help myself to explain further about this thing I'm resting my ass on) in front of my laptop.
Oh you think that's bad? Well apparently at the same time the ache attacked my back I stood in front of the TV, checking out Ch25 for Music Station and at the moment my fingers lingered to my back.
And guess what? My spine felt curved. That is not a good sign for an easy life at the age of 60 isn't it? Maybe I'm just paranoid. Because I know I'm bound to be disease-prone and have bodily aches(which I'm dealing with right now). This is great, just great.
Oh right, today's sungkai was the best. And I am aware that I'm flaunting about that more than thrice to different people. Well you wanna know what I had? I ate three gigantic bowls of soto, and thank you to my maid who prepared a lot of hot chillis for my serve of soto, and another four ginormous nasi pusu; and actually finished it. Yes, I even amaze myself at times.
Aagghh. The lower part of my backside aches so much whenever I move an inch. This sucks. I want to blog. But I'll be gone for weeks, in courtesy of late night and lastminute revisions then cry over the stupidity of procrastinating.
Will be back till the exams end. Remember, chew and swallow. :)
PWAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!! THIS VIDEO KILLED ME!! HAHAHAHAHAHA I CAN'T BREATHE!! I CAAAN'T BRREEATTHHHHEEE!!!! HAHAHAHAH SHIIIITTT. HEECHUL YOU ADORABLE EVIL GENIUS!!
I know I'm spose to be busy with icon-making but HECK I just couldn't help to share these with you readers! Even if you're not a DBSK fan but I know for sure that you'll laugh with me at this!
Uuugghh. All that 6 minutes of non stop laughing used up most of my energy. Ah well, there's like two more hours to go till sungkai.
BUT SERIOUSLY WATCH IT AND I PROMISE YOU THAT YOU ENJOY THIS AS MUCH AS I DO AND YOU WILL HAVE A HEALTHY HEART WHEN YOU WATCH THIS!!
Whoever made this is A GENIUS!
It made me crack up like a nut job and I wasn't kidding when I said I almost died of laughter. So whoever with the weak heart, I advice you not to watch this. Unless you insist to watching 6 minutes of pure crack.
And oh, if you see a big white blank instead of a video, you clickety click here~
Stupid as it sounds and despite the upcoming exams (and I could even feel it slowly crawling up my skin) I'm pushing aside the revision to make some icons. I don't know why but I'm in an icon-craze since... since... I knew how to generate icon tables.
And don't worry, I've spent more time on revisions than I might on icon-making. Till then, I think, I'm on hiatus. Hopefully by the end of exams and if I don't die during one of the exams, namely Sociology. Grrrh *glares at the Haralambos textbook*
I haven't been anymore unproductive than I can ever be. For four days of holiday I've once again become how I was during the time we waited for the O level results...
...I've been idle.
Hah. Dramatic much~? During those four days I've spent majority of the time being a net addict and incessantly leeching files of the net. Especially anything JaeHo/Yunjae-related. :D Oh how I love akamejaeho @multiply so much. Kristina - the owner - is my life saviour. I love you, woman! Oh gosh, the videos and pictures. I... I love her.
Oh geeeeeez. I couldn't sit still waiting for the 19th! HAAAAAAAAAAAA. DBSK's latest Japanese single Ride On is at the most spot in my MUST-NOT-MISS list. The preview of the song was aired not so long ago and I fell in love with it. They sounded so hot and suave. Made me flushed listening to their uber knee-melting voices. Especially when someone sang the MMM~ bit. Oh dear god, I could die right there.
*jumps around* I just can't wait! I hope by then I still have the energy to squeal at the highest pitch I could muster during the fasting month. *claps happily* Jaejoong, I love you, you pretty sexy umma.
So after many days eyes glued to the laptop screen I finally went out. And my family dined out just a few hours ago at Fusion's. The atmosphere there is quite amiable. Very light. I liked it. We sat at the balcony facing the jam-packed street and somehow it felt calming oddly. The waitress walked up to us and took our orders and I have to say that their lime green outfit is just... uh... let's say that the colour is very distracting.
I ordered the chicken ramen since on the menu it looked very scrumptious. And I hate how the food would look different than is displayed on the menu. The picture of the ramen had very few wakame(seaweeds) and when the waitress placed it in front of me sniffing the waft of seaweed smell could knock me out.
So I ended up eating half of the huuggeee bowl and two huge-ass glass of Fusion Lemon Ice Tea. Then went to the CD shop and bought Proposal Daisakusen and Liar Game! YAAAAAAAAAYY!! Finally!! But it was a waste that I've downloaded some episodes of ProDai. Feh.
On the way back home I've been feeling nauseous and dizzy. When we arrived I ran to the toilet and well, vomitted. Ugh. As I speak/type my breath stinks like a mixture of vomit and digested wakame. UGGGH. I still feel dizzy though. And a bit... nauseous, still. Ooooh, I had a hunch that today was someone's birthday and I browsed around to find that it's Juzai's birthday~! Happy birthday!!
*plops onto the bed* Uuuuugghhhhh. I hate you, you green weed of the sea.
Oh my goodness I love Metamorphosis Jazz Band's Godot - Fragrance of Dark Coffee that I kept on playing it on repeat for weeks now. This song is smooth, dark, and rich. Just like the name implies, right?
Imagine, if you will, you're in a jazz club. It's late, and the club's about to close for the night. Before the band packs up their equipment and goes home, they dedicate one last song to everyone still listening. A few couples romantically slow-dance on the floor, while the employees sweep underneath tables and wipe down the bar for the night. That same understated finality, underscored with a tinge of melancholy, is present in this song. It's beautiful, though.
Yeaahh. I'm feeling hiiigh thinking about it. :)
Then I got inspired. By coffee, despite my dislike of coffees. Bleh. And I finally got it finished after many sleepless nights. MWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!! *twitches* *mouth foaming*
[Note : And the above temporary mental shortcircuit is the result of countless sleepless nights and less than 3 hours of sleep. Please do not try this at home.]
Coffee Pairing: YooSu Genre: Romance Summary: You remembered meeting him for the third time and still, you couldn’t figure out whether he likes coffee or not.
- It's not the usual love story because it's ours -
Blame fate for her devious plans.
The café’s doorbell rang and you looked up from your cleaning, straightening your crumpled uniform as you watched a young man entering the small but cosy space. You were amused by the way he took slow but steady steps towards the counter.
He was buried in his thick book that you wondered if he was walking with his full attention on the book, if so, you were amazed that he was still in one piece. He wasn’t a student, you noted, just wearing a plain shirt which mentioned nothing about his status.
“May I take your order?” You prodded gently as he stood in front of the cashier, head still buried under the thick book. You frowned when he pulled out a dollar bill from his pocket and handed it over to you.
“One cup of mocha please.” He muttered softly and you had to strain yourself before you could hear him and you nodded your head, taking the money and proceeded to make his order.
Five minutes later, he walked out of the café with a cup of mocha in his left hand, mind still deep into the book. And you could only conclude that he was a nerd. With a shrug, you went back to cleaning the counter, resuming your job.
Nothing fazes you anymore since you worked in this café.
---
It’s only co-incidence and nothing more.
The second time you saw him wasn’t at the café you worked in but at a convention on pianos. You were browsing through the catalogue, searching for a new piano to replace your old worn one.
Then you saw it, a white piano standing at the corner of the whole exhibition and you felt yourself being pulled towards it. It was nothing special, just a normal instrument but somehow you felt that it held so much more potential than those expensive ones.
“Good choice.”
You turned around, surprised when a man stared at the piano, touching his thick-framed red glasses which you figured out must be a habit. And somehow, you didn’t know why you felt irritated that he was staring at the same piano that you were going to buy.
“I want to buy it.” You gave out a hint of warning, and he nodded his head.
With a shrug, he patted your shoulders and you wanted to shout at him for being so rude. What kind of stranger patted another man’s shoulders? He must be crazy or introvert, you wondered silently to yourself.
“That’s why I say it’s a good choice.” He smiled and he walked away. Then something struck you, the way he walked, the cautious footsteps that he was taking.
He was the same nerd that you had met a few days ago.
It’s not fate, you muttered to yourself.
---
People come and go because that’s life.
The third time you met him was at the café, strangely, you had the feeling that he would be there today and your sixth sense was never wrong. It wasn’t a surprise when he walked in but this time he didn’t have his thick book or a catalogue in his hands. There was nothing he was holding and you had to admit that it was strange to see him this way.
He walked up towards you, giving you a slow smile and you replied with one of yours. He ordered a cup of black coffee and a piece of toast before moving to a seat. You guessed he would be here for a while and you wondered why.
You didn’t have to guess long because ten minutes later while he was sitting comfortably with his order, the doorbell rang once again and a woman came in. She was wearing a dress, with a matching handbag and you knew that she was the new model for the top-fashion magazine, ‘Hazied’.
What was she doing here? You were surprised when she took a seat in front of him and you could see him smiling at her. You frowned, not knowing what was going on the other side of the café.
Then you realized that it wasn’t your business to care. You were just an employee at the café and you should be working instead of snooping around other people’s business. With a stupid smirk, you resumed back your work, whistling your favourite tune.
But once again, your attention was turned towards him when the woman stood up, the chair screeching against the floor. Other people wouldn’t think that it was unusual but from the way she was dressing, you knew it was not normal for her to do something so ‘unlady-like’.
And the moment you looked up, you saw the glint of anger in her eyes as she walked out of the door. You couldn’t help but felt uncomfortable when you met his gaze and he shrugged his shoulders. A moment later, he too walked out of the door, his coffee untouched.
You wonder if he even likes coffee at all.
---
Life isn’t about candies or happy endings describe by the fairytales.
You went home to a neighbour cussing at another neighbour and the stray cats scratching on the old walls. It was nothing unusual; you had grown in this kind of living conditions. Gangsters or mobs lived a floor below you and you had your flat being broken into once because they had gotten the wrong address.
What could you do? You could barely afford to pay the rent to this place with the pathetic wage that you had, working at the café. It was hard to juggle between studying for the master degree at night while working in the day, cleaning the dozens of used cups and glasses.
Without much ado, you entered your small apartment, watching your beloved new piano at the corner of the tight space. You knew that it might be stolen, but you didn’t know what you would do without playing the instrument for a day.
The usual tunes filled the air as you touched the keyboards, trying to fight the din that your surroundings were making. Half-way through a music sheet, you lighted a cigarette, inhaling the smoke.
There were only two things that made your life worthwhile; playing the piano and smoking. And thus, you were lucky enough to have both.
It was enough for you. You didn’t want anything else but this.
Kim Junsu preferred life this way.
---
Surprises come in many forms.
You found him sitting on your doorstep when you wanted to throw the rubbish out. It was surprising to see him leaning against the peeling paint of the wall, humming what appeared to be a slow tune. For a while, you could only greet his presence with a gaping mouth until you found him tilting his head to look at you.
“What-t? Why are you here?” You stuttered, your eyes widening in shock as you saw him standing up, brushing away the non-existent dust. With a smile, he reached out his hand like a polite gentleman.
“I’m Park Yoochun.” He introduced himself and you clasped his hand tight, nodding your head. “I follow you back home today, I’m sorry.” He bowed down in apology and you finally noticed that he was wearing a three-piece suit, his tie was crooked, was he back from work?
“Did I owe you something?” You asked him, frowning. As far as you were concerned, you had managed to fulfil his order and had given him the correct change.
He shook his head, smiling sheepishly. “I want to talk to you but never get the chance to. I thought I might as well follow you home.” He shrugged as though it wasn’t bizarre at all in following you home.
“Why didn’t you ring my bell then if you have taken the time to follow me home?” You continued asking him and he could only shrugged his shoulders, showing that he didn’t know the answer to your question.
And what else could you do besides asking him to come in?
---
Turn around when you are sure that you have nothing to lose.
You made coffee, the strongest and blackest of all because you liked it that way. Even with his two visits to the café, you still didn’t manage to figure out type of coffee he liked.
“I hope you like black coffee.” You replied with a smile as you passed him a mug filled with the beverage you had just made a few minutes ago. He gave you a grateful smile as you sat opposite to him, sipping your own mug of coffee. “Mind telling me why you are here?” You asked him, going straight to the point.
“I don’t know.” He replied simply, shrugging his shoulders. “I just feel like following you, that’s all.” He made a non-committal sound as he took another sip of the coffee.
“Do you always follow strangers home without knowing why?” You asked, frowning and if he replied with a yes, you should really be calling a mental hospital because he desperately need some help.
“I wonder sometimes…” He replied as he stood up and walked towards your beloved piano. You wanted to retort, saying that no one but you could touch this precious instrument but you saw his fingers ghosting over the keys with utmost care just like you did and you found yourself staring at him. “…why must human know about every single detail when they meet a stranger? Couldn’t we just meet and talk without being a FBI agent towards each other?”
“That would be hard since you followed me home.” You pointed out the obvious and you could see again the careless shrug that he threw. Finally he sat down and played a tune, you didn’t know what the title was but it was catchy.
“Let’s just say I’m a being full of surprises.” He replied as he drowned himself into the world of music.
And you had to give him full points for saying that.
---
Don’t go digging about things you don’t know about.
There was this saying that you should never delve into things that you are not sure about.
But then, you weren’t the kind of guy who followed some stupid sayings. The both of you had become close, somehow you had managed to notice his way of doing things, always with care and steadiness. It was as though he tried so hard not to fail.
He had never asked you about things that you didn’t want to say. In a way, there was an unknown limit to your friendship but you decided to breach it today. This one question had been gnawing you from the moment he stepped into your apartment.
“That day, there’s this woman with you, she seemed angry when she left.” You replied softly and you noticed the automatic stiffening of his body as he stopped playing with the metal spoon. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.” You muttered softly, feeling guilty that you had asked such a personal question to your new friend.
There was a tense silence following your sentence. He kept staring hard at the metal spoon, as though willing the spoon to move by itself. “It’s ok; people keep asking me that too. She’s my sister.” He laughed when he saw the surprise etched upon your face. “People are always surprise when I said that, a top model has a nerdy brother; that has to be funny. But it’s just me. She wants me to do something for her that day.”
You frowned when he said that, it was as though he had wanted to say something but couldn’t fathom the words out. “Do you want to talk about it?” You whispered, trying to give him a helping hand.
“You want to know the reason why I follow you that night?” He asked as he tapped his fingers on the table’s surface. “Let me tell you about this story. There’s this girl who liked coffee, so much till she will search for the best coffee shops. One day, while going through a small town, she found this cute café, tucked in between a butcher shop and a sandwich shop. But the reason why she enter is not because of the coffee itself, it’s because of this one guy who is cleaning a table facing the window. To make a long story short, it’s love at first sight.”
“I-I…is that guy me?” You stuttered, horrified at his sudden story.
“So the girl begs her brother to find out more about this guy and so he did since he loved his baby sister more than himself. The brother then walked into the café, too many times but didn’t make such a big impact unless he wanted to be noticed. The café boy didn’t really notice the brother since he’s a big nerd and so the brother continues watching the boy from afar.” He replied and you started to feel pretty much freaked out. “But then he realizes something important and decides to tell his sister about it. When the sister heard the truth, she became very angry and decided to disown her own brother.” He whispered the bitter truth and you didn’t know what to say to make it better. It was as though a big rock was being pushed down your throat.
“I-I…”
“It’s a twisted story; you want to know why, Su?” He asked, chuckling as though he was telling some stupid story that should be laughed at. “It’s because instead of introducing the café boy to his sister, he was so stupid as to fall in love with the boy.” And if this didn’t knock you out cold, you didn’t know what would.
You watched as he pulled a dollar bill out of his pocket, gave you a sad smile before standing up to leave the café.
And still, you didn’t know what to say.
---
Take the leap with me, my perfect stranger.
He didn’t come to the café for a month till you began to doubt that you would ever meet him again. Deep inside, you felt this foreign feeling, as though it was sucking you into this big hole that you could never come out of.
You were missing him, badly.
He was there for you always, chatting with you, in these mere months of friendship with him, you had found this eternal friend that you could never find anywhere. But your conscious was mocking you. ‘It’ knew the big difference between love and friendship.
You loved him, the sinking feeling the moment you heard him walking away from you. You wanted to say that it wasn’t this stupid emotion; you were just shocked at the sudden turn of events. But it wasn’t.
You knew this feeling since the moment he had stepped into the café. It just took you a moment to figure that one out.
It was raining right now as you stared out of the starry window; there wasn’t a single star that you could see under the hazy vision. You pressed your forehead against the cold window, feeling as though you were never going to be complete.
Why must he torture you this way? Why couldn’t you breathe now without seeing him? The first tear fell; this feeling of missing someone really was breaking your heart. You couldn’t describe it, this horrible feeling, you wanted it to go away badly but you didn’t know how to.
Then you heard it, the soft thud on your front door. Something wasn’t right, you thought to yourself. You didn’t expect anyone but yourself. With cautious step, you took a peek through the peep hole.
Within seconds, you pull opened the door, revealing a very wet Yoochun.
“Why are you here?” You replied in a calm manner when you let him into the apartment, watching as he clamped his hands together, trying to introduce friction. You took one look at him and frowned. “You. Toilet. Now.” You muttered as you his arm and dragged him bodily to the bathroom
What the hell were you going to do about this?
---
Why let go when you can’t anyway?
In a few minutes, he was wearing your clothes, a pair of pants and sleeveless shirt. His hair was wet from the shower he had taken earlier. You passed him a mug of black coffee and you sat opposite him, watching as he took slow sips from the beverage.
“Why are you here?” You whispered; trying to act casual about it but your eyes betrayed you. “Do you like rain so much till you take a shower in it?” You couldn’t help but commented on the incident.
“The rain helps me to think better.” He shrugged his shoulders, not at all bothered by your sarcasm. “How are you doing?”
You didn’t know how to answer that. Should you lie and said that you were doing fine without him when you had been shedding tears because you missed him? Or should you tell the truth and be cursed for breaking a pair of siblings up?
“Fine.” You answered simply, not wanting to delve more into the question. “You?”
“It’s a good thing then.” He nodded his head as he put the mug on the table between the both of you. “I would be going off then.” He replied as he stood up, giving you another smile of his.
“What-t? Are you telling me that you are here to know how I have been doing?” You muttered, once again couldn’t’ help but put sarcasm in your voice.
He nodded his head even though he knew it was the most stupid reasoning that you had ever heard. “I just want to ask that.” He replied; his back on you but you knew how hard it was for him to say that.
“That’s all?” You whispered, hoping that he could say more, anything to wipe this terrible feeling inside your heart.
“Then what do you want me to say, Su-ah?” He lashed out on you as he whipped around, seeing you with teary eyes. “Should I say that I have been going to the stupid tasteless cheesecake shop so that I could see you just across the road? Should I say that every night, I miss you so much that I play the piano till I fall asleep? Should I say how much my life has stopped, as though I’m useless without you?” He replied, trying to wipe away the angry tears that were flowing down his cheeks. “You are fine without me and I will continue my life with that! I’ll live with that even though it kills me because I don’t expect anything when I say I love you. I don’t.” He seemed so defeated when he took a step back away from you but you felt as though he had taken a hundred steps away.
You didn’t know whether to laugh or cry when he said those words. You took a step towards him and he frowned to see that. And when you were in front of him, all that you could ever do was to smile, you had wanted to say so many things to him but right now, words didn’t matter.
“And I love you too.” You whispered as you leaned in towards him, pressing your lips into his.
There were many things that you didn’t know about him. Heck, you still didn’t know if he likes coffee or not. But one thing would continue to bond the both of you together and that’s the love you have for each other.
And Kim Junsu didn’t need anything more than that.
-----------------
Ugh. Writing this hurts me. Fullstop. Jack Sparrow. Siiigh. I hate you for making me miss you so much. But let me see him again. If it's possible. *pulls hair roughly*
Have I told you? Have I told you that seeing even a flash of your old self the feeling of joy just pour out but at the same time I hear my heart crack little by little.
The small distance we have between us seemed so far I feel as if I could lose you in just a flash. Did you know? That your laughter was all the sign I needed to see if you're okay. That playful side of you can be another. And those are I need to keep my sanity. My sanity which I need to keep in check once in a while. Losing it again takes up a lot of my energy to put it all back into the jar.
Not too long ago upon a dreadful news which I recall to be rather trivial - but shocking - something in me snapped and after that I thought I was broken. But I was wrong. I could collect and pick up the pieces and start from scratch. Then you began to pop into my mind at unlikely times...
You are my limerence, and no one can take that away from me.
I'll be seeing you again in a fornight. Be well by then.
______________
It's becoming a habit that during Block 3 the high feeling whenever he's around would just be crushed down like a fly when I see him walk out, without casting a last glance back. And now would be the last till next two weeks to come. Then during break I was basically emo.
Putting aside my emo crap, I found an intersting newsletter of some sort in the girls' toilet. At least reading the contents lightened up my mood for ELit class, but it quickly disappears as the very-dim-light-bulb-almost-to-the-extent-that-it-could-be-short-circuited opens its mouth. At one point I started to dislike coming to ELit class, not because the subject bores me however because of the heavy feeling floating around the room.
I couldn't shake off the deep depression from Lit class that I stupidly brought it to EAS class too. Jeremy, YeePing, Sally and Sa'aadah noticed(well duh.) and they made a right choice to leave me be. Bearing in mind that today was the last day of this term Miss Zari had no plans to kill us with tonnes of work but rather she suggested we play a game. Alphabetical game as she calls it.
Basically she tells the question only to say the positions of some of the alphabets to the answers, a runner or a representative from each group would zoom to the front table and snatch the marker to write down the answer. Aaand it's proven that I still have it in me. Yup, this gal still has her lightning speed in these fat legs of hers.
In the end I had some fun and Khalid's team won and ours were second. *shrug* We say eachother our goodbyes and then lunch.
During the 45 minutes of lunch I spent sitting around, recommencing the emo-ness and not be bothered if I die young out of starvation. I really couldn't be concerned. Only then when everyone was gone I found Sa'aadah and she accompanied to the canteen to buy foooood.
On the way to the canteen I saw Jeremy and being not in the right mind due to lack of food I waved at him like I was a lunatic out of an asylum. Yup. He looked clueless too, and he should be. HAHAHA.
Sa'aadah left me to eat alone when I was about to eat the mee goreng. Pffft. Imagine a teary-eyed teen eating alone at a corner facing the wall. HAHAHAHAH Damn, that is sooo sad an image.
Saf and Neesa wanted me to tag along to excapade for some sort of a last day term thing I DON'T KNOW I'M SPEAKING GIBBERISH NOW!!! But I declined, and only to find myself in Wardah's van when all of them combined powers and forced me to come. But heck, it was sooooo worth it.
Look how evolves from hunger to hyper. :D
Haaa. This last picture amuses me so. Neesa looks like cute, perky and hyper. Hahaha reminds me of myself when I got my first bra. HAHAHAHAHA.
On the way out of excapade Fakhri wanted to surprise Neesa again as he did when we arrived. Her expression almost the same as the picture above but replace the perkiness with sheer horror. HAHAHAHAHHAHA. Oh then I bought Cornetto's. Nyum~
Went back to school and found like very few people there. I teamed up with Saf and Syaz to play can-footie against Munir, Mush and Qeelah. And we won. Then for some reason many people were in front of the library and played either Big Two or whatever card games they were playing that time. OH! And at that time out of coincidence they played one on one and.... I don't know how to explain but they were in a parallel line. They were like a gate making DL impassable to either the entrance or exit of the library. It was sooo cool.
After some long minutes of playing cards I was forced to join in the gane of Antu, where the loser would be doing a DARE. HAHAHAH once again I had the beginner's luck and Fakhri lost two times in a row which resulted to a shameless act of kissing the pillar. MUAHAHAHHAA. I love my mind at times. Then Munir lost and kissed the pillar.
Theeeen went home. Saw Jack Sparrow on the way out. Siiigh. I miss him sooooo.
Thank you Zuhri for talking me out of being emo. Although I'm not sure whether you did that on purpose or not, but heck, thank you so much. We rarely, no, never talked alone before and it's quite nice to have had that pointless conversation we had. I once promised a secret promise to myself to never shed a tear, and seeing that tears in my eyes forming around the end of Sociology class confirms that I can never fulfill a promise even to myself.
Oh shit. I just remembered. Zuhri told me if it rains tonight he wants to see... my bum. And it did rain. That perv. Nu-uh I ain't gonna show em this piece of ugly meat.
However I had made a promise with a special friend and I'm proud to say that I fulfilled and I miss him. Where are you now~? Are you doing okay? You have no idea how many buckets of tears I cried when I realised that I kept it. Even now, at rare times, when I couldn't bare the thought that I yet again broke a promise the promise we made I used as an excuse that it was okay, and things will be fine.
I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry. I don't know why I'm saying this but I really do want to apologise to no one in general. Odd I am, I know. I hear that a lot. Pathetic aren't I?
Is it possible that any one could get depressed without any reason? No reason at all. Is that possible? Or am I just tired? Hah. How can I be tired when I sleep many hours and do less work than a baby? So tell me. Just tell me if I'm tired and not depressing over nothing. Everytime when I think of any probable explanation of my previous state, my eyes would get wet and insentience plummet to the mauve fabric.
Am I strange? If I am, tell me why. Tell me the why before his words would eat me up and break me down again.
He couldn't stop acting so childishly maddening and... and... plain inconsiderate, thoughtless and insensitive. He's like a very very dim light bulb that its light flickering and battling to keep alive. Pfft.
I don't wanna give a damn if this post offends you, man. But the many times your words pierced me through is as the many times I've forgiven you... hesitantly and after another round of your brusque talk I don't think I can forgive anymore and I'm tired of you. I'm sick because I'm tired of listening to you.
Your head is just too thick to even get a simple math equation straight into that thing you have that's called the brain. Tactless you are. Am I a simple puppet that you can easily state whatever the things that's passed your head and never expect anything back. You're living a dream there, that can never happen, not in this cruel cold world.
Jack Sparrow, I still worry for you except that the worry level had almost reached its peak. I'm very worried about you so much that thinking about you made it so hard for me not to... suddenly glomp comfort you. I hope you get better, since I know I don't bear the power to heal you.
Maybe I'm just depressed because of you. Why? Why are you like this? Give me a hint. The vaguest if you want to. Just one to quench my curiousity. I'm begging you.
You know them as salesmen.
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