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PROFILE ►
I cried "corn beef" in a demonic voice in front of people I'd just met. If that tells you anything about me...
Other than that, the name is Nabilah Johari who goes by her days embarrassing friends with her shameless antics.
let me cry, please?
Monday, May 28, 2007 10:07 PM


How could one little information crush all the happiness of today? How is that possible?
Even though today I experienced so much; so much that it wins against that little evil news in a scale I still... feel dejected. *facepalm*

If Zati hadn't shown me that video I wouldn't be writing anything right now and instead shedding tears incessantly. These small orbs of watery brine is bland on my tongue as it cascades down my cheeks and into my mouth.

Today should've been a chipper day because I didn't bump into that freaky dude.
It should've been a chipper day because JM had been glancing to his side which had been my side. IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN!!

Sigh. *deep breath in and out* I can't take this anymore. All these assumptions and notions racing into my mind, they tend to hurt me.

What if he knows that I stalk him?

What if he hates me now that he knows I stalk him?

Why didn't I see him after class? Did he avoid me?

I'm sorry, forgive me. Please just forgive me. I promise that I won't bother you again. Just please let me see you once in a while.

How did your friends know I stalk you?

Why? Why halting my stalking missions? You want to come straight and blunt to you?

Today afternoon...

...was the worst of the day.
Some of the GDLs were still there. I was there. Zimah was there; so were Izni, Juzai, Mush and some others. Wardah wasn't there. She went to Bio with JM.
Just after 1.30 pm...
Zati and Zaf left to go home. My feet crosslegged, my eyes randomly looking elsewhere, my heary beating at a normal pace. But that soon changed just as my breathe hitched.
He was there. At the boys' shelves.
He went past me, behind me... I looked at him indirectly through the glass of the displays in front of the library. I saw him giving a fleeting look at us, the GDLs. Then he looked at Wardah. They talked for a bit then left. Him before her.
Mush smiled at me with intent; his eyes from him then to me back to him and me. That goof. Hah. Not only him who gave me that intentional smirks that I just wanted to wipe it off their faces for it made grin a lot like an idiot than a any other moronic morons ever stepped on earth.
Then... the bad news came.
I was being amai and was feeling amai so I fiddled around my Zimah's phone. And I guess that what Rabs told me was true. She said to me : "It's better to know it from someone else then finding out by yourself."
Zimah had one unread text message on her phone and since I was being amai, I violated her privacy and pressed onto the Read button.
After reading that the gears in my brain froze as if it had been sent to Antartica for decades and sent back in my head(I know it's not that funny but I'm still in the state of shock here.) I was like...
0.0
o.0
x.X
TT.TT


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Download this puh-rease!
Sunday, May 20, 2007 3:34 PM


Tomorrow's a Monday. Thus comes the Monday blues.



On tomorrow's Monday I will tease Bahar again. ["HIIIIIIIII BAAHAAAAAARRRRRR~!! XDD"]

Then I will be a tad bit emo since Yee Ling won't be at school. So no more food for me! TT.TT

I liked that cereal oatmeal cracker food she gave me when I was at the verge of fainting. It was nyummylicious~ Or so my brain made me think that way since I was famished.



Today, practically nothing happened. Since 10.30am, the time I was rudely wakened up, till now I'm still beparam inside my room, on my bed. Headphones over head and ears, legs crossed, back slightly slouched and I'm hearing my neightbours playing magnificently the piano.



So in this entry there's no self-reflecting, no twisted philosophies, no oneshots, no sleepy eyes. Yeah I'm talking crap right now. Oh by the way if anyone ANYONE wants the TegoMass' Kibou no Hikari wo Kokoro ni Tomosou, it's just down here~



http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ZPFXCL7J - just get clickie clickie to it



Ah I just got back from jalan-ing. Tis tiring.



On our way to Nazmi, we went through this road. And I was thinking of something. I don't remember. But it was something that made me think of it very pensively. I really don't remember.

And then after that was a blur. I don't remember...anything.


White rose
2:02 PM


HEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. XDDDD

OMG OMG Have you guys ever heard TegoMass' Kibou no hikari wo kokoro ni tomosou~? Oh Dear God, the song is just sweet! A starnge melody though but cute! Now I'm kinda addicted to the song, and have been singing the lyrics for the past 30 minutes later back-to-back~

So then a story popped up my head!

It's TegoMass alright. But not romance, just friendship! ^^V I hope this is okay cause you know I'm kinda rusty.

*

Masuda looked carefully at the white rose. He had never seen a white rose before. He had seen red ones, pink ones, yellow ones and once even black ones in a movie. But he had never seen white roses.

There wasn't much of a difference actually. The petals, stem, everything were just the same. Normal.

It was only the color, white.

White was the color of winter. Snow. Nothing. Emptiness. Death.

Hmm...So if he gave this to someone, would that person die? Masuda smiled in spite of himself. Who would he then give the rose to? There was Amiko-sensei, who never paid attention to him. The other kids in class, who made fun of him. That old lady who came every night when mother and father went away. The neighbor with the hooked nose who always glared at him. There were so many people.

Masuda pondered for a while, then made up his mind; he'd give it to the old lady. He reached out toward the rose and tried to uproot it from its spot.

"Ah!" Masuda cried loudly, feeling something prick his little finger. It was really sharp, and the pain was searing. He brought his finger away from the rose, and looked closely. It was something akin to a pin prick, but blood had already started spurting out. It hurt.

"Hey, are you okay?" Masuda looked up to see the owner of the new voice. It was a boy, although he looked a bit like a girl. He was quite short and chubby. He had neat black hair, which fell across his face. His chubby fingers and milk teeth made him look like a baby, although Masuda supposed that he was his age, a good five years old.

Masuda didn't know how to reply to the boy's simple query. He wanted to shake his head, say he wasn't okay. But he wasn't a crybaby, and he certainly didn't want to look weak before a stranger. He wanted to be brave. Acting as if he was okay seemed brave enough. He nodded.

The other boy didn't seem to be impressed, or maybe he just didn't notice Masuda's reply. He looked at Masuda's bloody finger, which was cradled in his other hand, and quietly put his hand in his pocket, drawing out a white handkerchief. He offered it to Masuda.

Masuda studied the handkerchief. It was white, a clean, neat white. Pure white. Not a speck of dirt anywhere. It didn't even have any of those pretty designs like his mother's.

Masuda slowly, and unsurely, reached for the handkerchief. He half-expected the boy to snatch it away, and then laugh mockingly at him. But nothing happened. The boy didn't even move or blink.

Masuda took the handkerchief.

The handkerchief wasn't spotless anymore. The area where Masuda had placed his finger and applied gentle pressure had turned a faint red. But his bleeding had stopped. Masuda turned to look at the boy. He wanted to say 'thank you' and 'sorry' all at once. But he was speechless.

The other boy just smiled.

"Tegoshi."

"Masuda."

Masuda had found his first friend.

*

Okay, as far as I know, white roses don't smell. So therefore, this line: The petals, stem, everything were just the same. Normal. is incorrect. But whatever... >.<

Btw, just a simple oneshot. Not multichaptered. I hate doing multichapters.

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Rejoice the eyecandies~
Thursday, May 17, 2007 9:06 PM


Good evening~

Not much had happened today. Nothing worth to be reminisced at the moment, but well for a few scenes of today are worth it.

I haven't updated my blog even though I have 3 drafts in Blogger, and all of 'em are meant to be longish. I've been busy these days so at nighttime I'm always continuing the draft and halfway through(or less) my eyes drooped and I soon fell asleep. I only wake up around after midnight but then I would be too sleepy to continue writing. So I saved the draft for later continuation.

Hmm, I was spose to say something after this. I had it in my mind. But now, I forgot. =.=
Ah. Right. I was asking if I've told Zati whether I told her of my latest eyecandy and one of the previous ones is now in blacklisted.

And I was coming up with some fantasy idea that the newest member of My Eyecandies is shortlisted. I really wanna talk to him.
This afternoon I had the chance. No one was there to bother me or so to say to distract me by unwillingly be my victim of excessive fangirliness. Anyway, I saw - hmm what should I codename him? "Nuai"? Cause he reaaallyy looks like my cousin(who's also hot) - Nuai during lunch time and Si Songkok - well since he cut his hair and doesn't wear his songkok again but still! :p - and I was talking to Jong and she's gonna leave me all alone next week and more.

She said something about her card not being finished or something else. She's a punk. But a cool punk. I like her hair. Her long soft shiny fringe is highlighted green and few are in gold or light brown. Really nice. (Y)

Anyway back to whole point of this.
While I was listening to Jong Yee Ling talking I was looking at random directions around the GDL's. Jong and I were at the rebel's line. So many people were passing back and fro, some were blocking the way, some slowed down the traffic, some sat in the middle of the general pathway and most, with common sense and wit, were at the sides not disrupting the human congestion.

ANYWAY...
Nuff of description.
As I looked around at random directions, I found myself absentmidedly glancing at Si Songkok's direction but twas not in every second I could find.
A satisfied smile crept unto my face when I saw Manhunt, buying a drink from the goddamned vending machine, and as I was also listening to Jong I looked like one of those toys where its head goes round and round while nodding. It's weird.

I looked away when Manhunt turned to my general direction. Then the luckiest thing happened to me~

As I turned away I absentmindedly, again, looked at Yu-- Si Songkok. He was looking at me.

His new hairstyle - short, neat and typically stereotyped to be one of the famous footballers' hairdo - made the smile before to become much more... wider and teethy.

Masses of people somehow made like a frame of him for me to watch him more intensely. And those masses were just a total blur to mine eyes. All I could see were blurs of white, black and purple. And the perfect lighting shone on him.

His dark beady eyes defiantly, boldly, audaciously, unflinchingly and other derivatives that could match his daring attitude that time, felt as if went through my soul and read my thoughts like a simple children's book. His boyish looks more fervent in what way? I'm not sure. But I could sense his confidence, boldness as he looked. Arms knotted across his chest, his lips curved in that desire-endowed smirk. If it wan't for the pillar beside me my legs would've been jelly and I'd fall in a clumsy oof.

Thus right now I'm listening to She Want Revenge's Tear You Apart. I kinda think that the beat of the song suits that very moment. *nosebleed*

His back straight and long, his head slightly high up in the air to give a sense of his cute arrogance, his whole being looked ever so desirable, wanted, needed, craved for. Like in the lyrics of the said song 'I wanna fucking tear you apart'. And oh god, have I not have the great constraint to not faint and hit my head onto the longkang.

All happened so slowly that I thought time gave me a chance to look at him better. But no, I was plainly being fangirly that I thought that Si Songkok was staring at me for a long time. It all happened in a mere second, and yet I could come up with a page worth of ardent descriptions.

Rab had told me some tips on how to start a friendship before going long.
She told me to smile at him, and he smiled back then tis a good sign to move frontward.

I had my chance to spark that onset of "friendship". But that time my gears in my mind suddenly became hard and unmoving. My eyes and focus was mainly on his sexy boyish smirk. I could've fainted yo. FAINTED~

It wouldn't be me if I didn't at the very least grin while hiding it. And I did. Jong noticed. So did some few others that I didn't know. I lied to her saying that I saw something which reminded me of something funny. Gah. That's a pathetic lie, but it's excusable in my situation, right? No? Ah well.

After thinking about it since I just couldn't get rid of the image of him directly staring at me. At the very thought of it sends me shivers and feels almost... I felt like a missing piece after all these years finally put back to its rightful place. HAH! Cheesy much~

His boyish charms are his good points. Very very good points. I know that there are other girls and/or guys who takes a fancy towards Si Songkok - okay, let's chanhe his name since he doesn't even wear one now. Wait we call him "pretty square boy" right? Okay then, we're stikcing to that for now.

Well that was one of the two things I wanted to tell about this "afternoon". The said above are pre-Socio events while the things I will say for now would be post-Socio class events. So forth I go...

After Socio class I knew there won't be a lot of the GDL's since a big majority of them went to the Mall. They said it was to "release all their stress and worries". Riiiggggghhhttt.
So the ones who didn't and couldn't come were Mush, Lei, Dzar, Zimah, Fuad, Yazid and that's all I could think of.

I couldn't come because I had a dentist appointment. Zimah couldn't come because she had Maths till 3. The others... I don't know.
Around 2.30ish I sat DL and was alone in the heaps and dunps of bags. Dzar went BL with her bf. Lei went to his friends. Mush was wandering around. Fuad behind the flats. Yazid actually made me tpo jaga his things while he went sembahyang-ing. So practically I was alone. I couldn't care less, really. You know why? :D

Because "Nuai" was practically in front of me. He sat the edge of the longkang, his back facing me. I thought to myself whether he was a bit... antisocial.
Since he sat a little bit of distance away from his friends, so I figured that he might be antisocial or he just loooveeess to sit near a pillar. Just like me~ XDD

Oh! And just after Socio class I went to DL I was just looked lost and... directcionless? Don't mind the bad vocab. It's 2.30 am right now. I just finished talking with Munir and Fakhri who went to the Mall to "release their stress and worries" then after they left I was standing in front of the pathway, looking at random directions. The exit and entrance of the library. The V-bench. RC. Rebel's line. DL. The staffroom. The clouds. The trees. But then when I found out that that was a good time for me to take a glance at Nuai, as I turned to him he immediately looked away.

He was standing also. Near the exit of the library. He was with his friend, but I couldn't see his friend as he was blocked by the pillar. So when I looked at him, he instantly swiftly moved his eyes to the left as if he was only looking around. But I know. Because I do that myself. HA.
Sooo does that mean he knows that I like him and he started to look at me? Or was he just sooo bored that his eyes were casted to the only moving object he could see then averting them as soon as I turned to him, thinking that he was staring at me intently but actually his mind was a total blank and yeah.

But if it's either one of that, I don't wanna know. I've been depressed by one of the ex-eyecandies. So I need something to cheer me up. Thus I wanna believe that Nuai was actually looking at me as he started to notice me, since that first day we came to contact. Well barely but still.
He gave me his candy wrapper. It was empty, though. But the sweet was in his mouth. I took it since one of his friends was shoving it around, not wanting it. While to Rabs, I absentmindedly played with empty wrapper. He noticed it.

Nuai was two people away from me, and between us were Rabs and Marwan, and the latter being at his side. I fiddled around with the plastic and he poked his head out and looked at me Rabs then me them to my hands which held his candy wrapper.
And if my eyes weren't lying I thought I saw a flash of red spread scross his face. Cute~!! XDD

So when I went home at 3 I took m things and went to mom's car. But I forgot mu camera! gaaahhh... So I went back to DL and took my camera. I peeped to the exit of the library since he was there, sitting with his friend. When I took a peek, he was looking at me. I wanted to smile but my mind couldn't register and yet another case of braincramp. Shit.
I took my camera then left, grinning. His gaze was still hot in my mind. I couldn't forget it. I don't want to tell the others about it as they might TEASE me for god's sake. I told some GDLs that I like Pretty Square Boy and as he passed by Munir cunningly took a picture of him with my camera and I still have the picture. :]]]]]

So that's done. i still like to talk loads of crap in here. But hey, it's still an update right? HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. :D I love my eyecandies for cheering me up~

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If one of us fall we fall together and together we get back up again
Tuesday, May 8, 2007 10:48 PM


Nothing out of ordinary happened today. But something out of a daily routine did.

*

I didn't see Dean at all the time when I came. Hm, I wonder why the sudden change of routine? Having that change made me feel as if something was amiss in my life. HAHAHA. Well sometimes daily life cycles are nice. I like it, if I have adapted to it well. And about the usual indistinct morning greeting Dean always give have I adapted well to it. And now that he wasn't there, I felt... imbalanced.

*

JM was for the first time NOT doing any work in the morning registration. I find it to be a refreshing sight. It's new. I wanted to see more that side of him. :]
But then when I looked back at him again he was already sitting down, doing his work. (-_-)
Ah and now the class monitor knows that I fancy JM since he saw the numerous shots of JM. And Manhunt. ;p

*

In ELit we had another test. And I toootalllyyy forgot to read the seventeenth and eighteenth chapter. *facepalm* Baka. Then Mr Peter read another three more chapters.
Ah! And Zimah didn't come to school today. I had a great feeling that she had stayed up late til about fiveish finishing up her EAS.

*

EAS. I passed up my overdue works to Miss Zari and some of my worries are lifted off my shoulders now. I re-did the group article on Melium Group since I couldn't find it anywhere in my bag or books or files. I passed that up a few minutes after since I remembered most of what I wrote. *proud of self*
Now we're doing another group project. Our group is doing an advert of a sportscar - Aston Martin 'Vanquish'. It's reaallyy nice. Go me!

*

Break was so-so, until Manhunt walked behind me THRICE. HAHAHAHAHA. What a happy lass was I that I froze at my spot and looked at Manhunt through his reflection on glass predator-like. Then saw Sa'aadah's eyecandy. He looks cute.

*

Socioooooo....
My eyes felt heavy after half an hour of the lesson. Miss Jules taught us with notes and she explained to us whatever's between the lines. And when I mean she reads between the lines, I mean it. One single line, no matter long or short, takes her about 15 minutes to finish up. She talks in circles and ends it liek how the notes wanted to tell. *headdesk* What a waste of time.

*

PS. I wanted to do my Maths but I remembered that I didn't bring the other book. Geeh. Wasted minutes trying to find anyone with the thick red Advanced Maths book. But 'twas in vain. Instead I hung out with Diyana and Fai(she had a free period).
We spent it inside the library. Fai, Dii and Sa'aadah was on the C2 computer to do their computer presentation/project while I sat down on another chair away from them. I was tired.

Then Aaron coughcoughjerkfacecough came in the library then immediately sat down on the chair acroos to me, when he saw me. He started to ask me stuffs.
Stuffs like, 'Do you hate me?', 'Why? If I've offended you please just forgive me!', 'Please, I didn't mean to say anything to offend you' or whatver crap came out of him.

Actually I was pissed at him because he pissed me off when I was in a pissy mood. He called me a bitch out of the blues when I was pissed and that incident will forever be burnt in my mind.

He noticed that I was extra harsh to him. So he asked me for forgiveness. Hah. You can just kiss your sorry ass. He had the answer why but I just didn't speak up that that was the cause. Serves him right, you bitch.

Other than being pissed that time I was amused. Amused by his lack of self-dignity. He begged for my forgiveness. He even said that he'd do anything to have my forgiveness. Hah. Then in the end I forgave him, half-heartedly. He noticed that too. He begged more. Whatever. I just left. Annoyed more than I expected to be.

*

Lunch was not lunch. I didn't eat at all. TT.TT
I was with Anis, Muai, Qilah, Fai and Adeylah near the auditorium, making Polly Pocket porn. HAHAGAH. Not that I was involved in the production. I was the audience. The directors were Anis and Qilah. They have yellow minds. HHHAHAH. Then they stalked this Nasir guy. I notice that they like to annoy this dude. I wonder.

Then spent the rest with them also. In the library but at the back. Then went out, doing nothing at particular.

*

Maths was tiring. I was hungry, tired, crabby, sleepy and didn't have the mood for Maths. I fell asleep in class once in a while when we did our classwork. I did good in Differentiations. Then finished the classwork early and took a nap.

*

After school was still tiring. I haven't eaten still. But Zimah came! With her laptop, playing CS. Pfft. Siiiigh. I knew something like this would happen. It iS Zimah after all. She could not NOT go to school for a day even though it means that she'll be marked as absent for the whole day.

Ah! A tragedy happened after minutes Mush and I sat down. Someone stole Baby's bag!
Like WTH. In front of us, GDLs? What nerve. Then most of the GDLs hurried and searched about for it. Wardah and Zimah reported it to the principal or SA. Then they became detectives for more than an hour. They looked through the CCTV video from the time the crime began till the evidence of crime was noticed to be stolen. Baby was crying.

Then in the end it turned out that someone mistook Baby's bag as their own. *shrugs* I see many people's bag the same so I guess it's forgivable.

Ah while the important GDLs investigated Mush, Syaz, Fuad, Iznie, Zilah, Iyan and I fooled around. Well it was only Mush, Fuad and me oh AND LEI!! HAHAHA. I was teaching them how to dance with the curvy finger dance thing. HAHAH. Funny. Then Fuad was being kedayan on his phone. Then it spread on us. We were like, yeah.

Then I started to sing Baby Got Back yang the lyrics sounds like 'I like big butts and I can not lie~'. yeah and we started to dance senseless. Me, Fuad and Mush poked each other. And yeah. Was fun. Exciting.

It's not out of ordinary. But it's different from our daily life.

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Emo much. Ignore this entry.
Sunday, May 6, 2007 2:59 PM


There, I see you again.
There, my fast-beating heart aches.
There, you were far yet so close.
And looked unwithered while I looked weak.

I see you as came out the room
Accidentally I saw you
with your camera, hung below your shoulder

The weather was good, it drizzled.
The soft pitter patters usually calms my nerves down
I felt so peaceful and recollected
Then you came in sight

Five girls ran along the corridor
across the building
I saw a figure that I assumed was you
And it was you
Stopping behind a pillar
my whole facing straight other than your way
Knees shaking, quivering, giving way

Tried to shake it off but as I took a step
I fell
to the floor
It didn't hurt
I only fell.

Looking up at the grey sky
I thanked god that you went inside already
Didn't see my weak state
My eyes stinging with tears
My ragged breath
My despicable state.
But I got up and walked away like nothing happened.

*

Yet again I stood beside a pillar
Having no care of the soft rain drenched upon me
I was numb, or at least I wanted to feel numb
Looking at nothing in particular
Everything was grey and dull
The sky, the road, the buildings, the shack...
Everything was grey except for the bushes and grass.

Soon upon hearing someone calling my name
I realised that I wasn't on a pillar
but sitting in the middle of the corridor
still staring yonder

*

Flashes were in the corner of my eye
I never bothered to look
I knew what it is, where it came from, why it was there and from whom.

A handful of people came hovering
with inquistive and worried expression played on their faces
All asked, hungry for the truth
I dodged and slipped under the grasp, saying 'I'm alright. Nothing happened.'

I was tired, emotionally.
Even myself, inside, didn't even bother to protest my words laced with a lie.
I'm alright. Nothing happened.
Bite me.
Of course I wasn't alright.

Those people were empathic, I could tell.
They left in understanding.

I was tired, physically.
Even my lungs didn't want to suck in the air
My knees trembled
I could've fallen to the high bush in front of me if it wasn't for the pillar

The more flashes I see in the corner of my eye
The more I tried to fully submerge my body behind the slim figure of the pillar

I was glad.
He went home.
I only cast a mere glance and no more.
I finslly plopped down to the concrete floor,
unmasking my false strength,
closing my eyes in defeat and inertia, letting a tear roll down my cheek.

As if nature could read me, the rain poured slightly more stronger
and yet no harsh winds
At least that could dry up the trace of the lone tear.

Why am I still despondent?
Huh, I don't believe in 'that'. Then why...?
I'm not emo am I?
If I am should I mutilate myself to rid the sadness and hurt?
Do emos do that?
Should I become one?
I'm being stupid again.

You...
I hate this.
Oh god please let them reject my application as a PRO prefect.
Then I don't have to see his face...
But then...
I won't see Manhunt.

Yes I know I'm confusing myself. That's what I very good at.
I'm talking to myself now...and at times I talk to someone else.
Someone inside me.

The only thing I could do is to divert all my attention of that to something else.
Something like, the JE boys. And their accidental similarities.
Similarites on clothes, shoes, accesories... belts. Especially the belts. :] Okay I'm alright now. I'm fine. It's pathetic that I cheered myself up. Hah. Siiiigh.
I find myself to realise that my knees are bruised and stinging in pain due to that incident.

Well I have to go now.
Oh for no reason. I just wanted to end this because I seem to can NOT stop typing and talking at the same time. Bye bye-cycle~ ;]


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I...
Friday, May 4, 2007 11:13 AM


...already edited the post Zati!! It's around the break one. Well you know that. Pfffttt...


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Deeeeeaaannn~ I think I am fa--!
Thursday, May 3, 2007 8:04 PM


It rained today. I guess this month's the start of the rainy season.
I don't quite remember if I posted this this before but I feel happy and giddy when it rains. So I was happy today.

Dad dropped me off at the same yet different spot behind the library. Dean I didn't see. Neither "Si Songkok".

I came in the class with a smile on me then sat down. I'm not sure if my eyes are playing with me but I think that most of the registration..mates... looked at my different expression. Usually I come in with a scowl, a blank face or anxious.

*

JM did his work again as soon as he steps in the class. I came earlier than JM for the first time in a looong time. From my smiling face, when I saw JM coming in, my smile widened to a sheepish grin that Yee Ping and Jasmine only saw that time. HAHA.

He's VERY SHY. Let's see what I experienced from him!
1) I found him smiling every morning when he came into his class. cute.

2) He sometimes would look our (my friends and I's) direction sheepishly. cute.

3) When I almost fell down once, he (although doing his work) turned to see if I fell. cute(?).

4) When I was ascending the stairs and he descending, he happened to stand above me. He turned and walked away while scratching his cheek sheepishly. CUTE MAN.

5) This morning when he was on his way to class, I was in front of him again, and our destination the same. He walked PAST his class and Emerson had to call out to him LOL. He looked so embarrassed asking Emerson: isn't it...that class? I was trying hard not to smile >.<>

The purple bit is this quote I took from Joanna's blog. And awwww~ I have to agree with her 200% that JM being a baka is theeee cutest thing EVER!!! [insert rabid fangirl squeal]

Sally, for the record, was inside my registration room! She said that she awnted to witness my stalking and fangirliness over JM. HAHAHA. What a friend she is.'
Then after many times taking peeps of JM from time to time I noticed that Ren Ji likes to stare~ Hah, like wooooowwww... uhuh.

Well anyway after registration I packed up my things and normally went out of class. Sa'aadah was at my front. I thought that Syai was behind me since Sa'aadah was avoiding looking at my back but... it was someone else.

I still thought it was Syai so I couldn't care less if our bags or our bodies hit each other or even our skin touched. But when we did hit each other again I wanted to say sorry but when I glanced to my back it was JM!!! IT WAS HIM ALL THAT TIME!!! US, HAVING OUR BODIES AND SKIN TOUCH!!! OMFGOMFGOMFG!!! *spazzes out*

Siiigh. Life can be very unpredictable. It was the longest record that him and I were sooo close together. HAHA! Dream ooonnn. *slaps self* LOL. That reminds me of NewS' and KAT-TUN's backstage of Summary concert where Kusano and Pi were being soo cutely silly and... Kusapi-ish.

They said something like 'I know this is awkward but I like you!!'. LOLOLOLL OMG!! I love those pair!

*

PS. I guess that since it rained I was outside the library, DL.
At first, wanted to do my Maths hw outside but then since Diyana said to 'dangani' her inside. So as a result I was inside partly revising Maths and partly... talking with Diyana. HAHA.

Maths. Oooohh the paaaainn~!!
HAH. Like WTH. Over reacting much?
Ah yeah the maths test on Series. *glares* I reeeally wanted to die! I did very badly. Especially the hard ones. Guh. Now I know that Series, GP and AP, is my weak point. Hm, I think I need to discuss about having tuition with momma. HAH. 'Momma'.

And oh oh!! When it was break time Mush, Nadia and I were still in the Maths block. I went first then Mush who followed suit then Nadia. Upon passing this certain class(i can't remember which room though) Mush pulled my bag strap. I wondered if he was being playful or what not. But...

As I stopped since Mush pulled me MANHUNT came out of that room. And he was in front of me~ HHAHAHA OMG! Mush you rock! You understand me!! Siiiigh. If it was

Break. Twas inside room 008 for Lit later. And I honestly can't remember what happened. Oooohhh... Since Zati reminded me of the Break Incident so I edited this post~

Well anyway during break Zaf had to go to the toilet. I suggested the toilet below room 123 since it was the cleanest of all. Or one of the two cleanest. To get to there Zaf, Zat and I had to push ourselves through the buzzing crowd between room 008 and this lab, the one with the lockers. We managed though but hated it.

Zati was left behind since she was busy reading All Things Apart 'cause it was our homework. I was talking with Zaf but then... as we passed by I saw JM!!!!! JM for god's sake!! Like how many is the chance of you getting to see him if you're not in any of his classes!! omgomgomgomg He was there next to a pillar~ Then I saw Faiz too. Hmm... He's grown big, strong and very built. I was amazed.

So as me, I gripped on Zaf's free arm and squeezed it in an iron grip, then scurried into the toilet while thanking Zaf for wanting to go to the toilet~ HAHAHAHAHHAHA!! OH MY GOD!!

Zaf went in a cubicle, I went out and stood beside Zati who was still avidly reading the African-written book. Then she was my victim of the fangirliness. I pinched her, she swatted my hand. Then I peeked at JM and saw Faiz staring at us. HAHAHA. Must be weirded out or something.

Juts when JM was busy reading something "Si Songkok" passed by~ Hi "Si Songkok"~!!

Well he did glanced at us then went to the long walk path behind and at the side of the library. Zati is bllliiinnnnddd!! I told her who "Si Songkok" was but she couldn't see him! Guuuh... When "Si Songkok" passed by Munir was there with him! So aku tagur ia lah. And that was why "Si Songkok" looked at us.

But still... he did looked. I wanted to tell Zaf that Munir passed by but I didn't have the stomach to and besides what's so important about that anyway~? Then we went back to class without any human trafiic congestion things. AND THAT IS THE ONLY THING I WANTED TO EDIT ABOUT!! BYYEEE~!!


ELit. We had a test on Chapter 3 of All Things Apart and it wasn't really a test since the whole class answered it together aloud. Then Mr Peter read through chapter 4 till 5.
OMG I think I'm in love with the book! The writing style is just the same style that I love! Simple and yet I don't know. It's just captivating to me.

Then we were told to read 20 pages of chapter 6 till 7 or 8. Then we would have a test on Sat. I hope to remember to read it and do well.

During our free time Mr Peter started the whole yam topic which spread feverishly on our side thus we couldn't stop talking about yam which grew to be sweet potatos in Supa Save and Hua Ho then to KFC's mashed potato and fries. Ohhh my god. We made ourselves water just bu talking about them. Nyum~

EAS. 'Twas slightly okay-ish. We had presentations on the adverts we have and assess why it's like and blah blah nothing interesting.
Sufi was gone. I heard from Jing Yi that he wasn't going so since I didn't really catch up what sh said I kept quiet and had those questions marks over my head.

But that won't change the fact that I dislike EAS from the heart. Although it hasn't reach to the 'hate' level. Nyeh.

Lunch. Spent with no one particular. Zimah was doing her work which was sposed to be due around 7.30 am. HAH. It was lunch!! At noon! Siiigh. Zimah, zimah. Then in front of her was "Si Songkok". XD I like his quiet and cool attitude. I guess that's why I'm falling for him. Well at least I THINK that I am falling for him.

I tried to look up at him but something inside me restrained to do so. I wonder why? After Zimah left for her 12.30-3pm Maths class I stood near the vending machine and "Si Songkok" passed by me very closely. *major squeal* Minutes later I went inside the library, waiting till it's 1.

Socio. I mostly fell asleep. Had a writing excersise to write. Yeeaahh... Not many people came. HAH. We still prefer Mr John Simmonds. He's better at teaching, unlike Miss Jules. She makes me sleep.

After school. Saw Dean at GDLs. *grin* I wanted to go there but I knew no one that I was close to, so I stood yet again near the vending machine. Waited till it was 2.14 for dad to pick me up. He constantly looked at me then back to the talker then back at me. Heee. :D

Then went home.

*

I was sposed to come at Utama Bowling around 3.30 but I came late at almost 4. -_-" I'm sorry Zafirah for holding up the game! But at the moment I stepped in I immediately saw Dean there! So he takes Bowling too eh?

Turns that I constantly suck at bowling ang he's daym good at it. I was distracted when I played. Because of him. >.<
Siigh. Oh my god. I just realised now that when it was Dean's turn, I kept on staring at how his muscles flexed and how graceful his posture was. Oh my god. He was daayyymm good!! I sucked in bowling. The only I hit the pins was when Zaf and Fiza knew of Dean so they made jokes to loosen me up.

Went at about 5 and ordered KFC. I was robbed! I paid for every food I ordered but my mashed potatoes weren't there! TT.TT
Ate cheesy wedges, fries and jelly icecream. Cheesy wedges rocks!

*

I wonder what time is Music Station karang? Eh? The time isn't shown in Astro! WTH!! Then when the hell is it then??

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PMS.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007 10:57 PM


Today wasn't much.
But hey at least "Dean" got off my back that morning. He was busy talking with his circle of friends.

JM was as usual doing his homework in class, totally ignoring his surroundings.

*

EAS. We once again did another apple advert. It got more annoying one after another apple advert. We had a temporary seat change for a few minutes for the teacher to see how it'll go BUT those annoying chinese group were being a stubborn prick and didn't budge their ugly asses.

'Naah. We don't wanna move~ :]'
'Yaay~ we don't have to move~!'

Like fuck off brats. And you get the privelege to see Mr. Middle Finger from me. :)

Then during the teacher was sending one of her students to the hospital Zimah had to antar this paper to uh.. oh god I forgot her name. OH!! AMIRA!! Yeah, Amira. And I followed her. Then I just discovered something new.

Manhunt's PS block is 1. HEEE. :D Saw him during that time. Was sitting on the V-bench. with his girlfriend. fuck. But no matter. I saw him and that's good enough for me.

Socio. Shut up. I hate Socio. I just knew after EAS that we have another Socio after yesterday. Like fuck. Paper 2. So I had to cramp alllll the fcuking Socio things into my mind.

So throughout the whole tets I threw in random and nonsensical answers in the answers. Then when it was almost in the end I slooowlly put my head down on the table and stare yonder nothingness, gradually slept.

Break. Spent with no one particular. But I did see "Dean" and jerkface. Jerkface called me a bitch OUT OF THE BLUES!! Like was he picking up a fight with an already piqued and in the verge of killing me? Fuck you, bitch.

PS. Jerkface was there. Fuck you. Then spent around Zimah, Mush, Iznie(I think), Sabrina, Ainaa and Yazid. But I was more concentrating on doing my Maths homework. Zimah was spose to do hers but knowing her, she would rather play her newly D/L-ed CS game in her laptop. Siiigh.

Lunch. Had a bland hotdog. Ew.
But...this hot guy who is unfortunately friends with jerkface was at the stall. I was there too. At first he was across then a second later we literally brushed our shoulders for god's sake~ Hmmm that made my day slightly less pissed.

Hmm... that brief moment when our shoulders grazed I daydreamed that my camera would somehow slip from my wrist. But then he would catch it before it falls. Then our eyes locked. Pffffft. Apakaaaan... Liek that's gonna happen.

Then saw "Si Songkok". He was always in my view. The clearest of them all. *grins* Then went to the dining with Sa'aadah to catch a glimpse of JM but failed. And Sa'aadah finally showed me her eyecandy and turns out that it was speaker eyecandy~ HA! 'Tis a small world.

Maths. Was being slightly piqued. For some reason I avoided people. Wen in class late, with a pissed off face. Slammed all my things on the table so everyone looked at me. FTW. It's not a rare occurence! Stop staring at me!

After school. Mostly moved around alone. From DL to the library to the toilet. I stayed at DL then saw jerkface with "Si Songkok"(oh btw he's also a friend of jerkface! X[). He was once again standing around rather closely to the GDLs place.

Me, Mush, Fakhri and Zimah threw aluminium foil ball at each other to kill the boredom. Then that wasn't enough we threw around Zimah's phone. But extra carefully. Then not only I made a foool of myself in front of jerkface's friend, I lso made a fool of myself in front of "Si Songkok". Damn that ball for going into the longkang.

Then took more pictures of the people eating McD. Gaaahh... I want one. But naah. Then took more pictures of the clouds and rose buds.

At almost 4 two of the GDLs came with personal problems. Siiigh. Dzar cried. Wardah was PMS-ing and pissed cause of this dude. Then I stood around some more then went home.

*

I don't like him anymore.
I don't want to get hurt anymore or spazz out whenevr I see him
I don't adore him
I don't idolise him

From this day
I will think of him as
not a friend
or an enemy
but just a stranger that I see passing by

I don't know him
He doesn't know me
I don't acknowledge him
as he does to me
I guess that's fair in currently distraught mind

I don't know you so you won't leave me a single trace of hurt in me.
I don't know you so I could find some peace.
I don't know you so let's make this clear...
...that you don't have to hide.
It hurts me when knowing that you hide from me.
And I wanted to hate you more. But that'd make me even more rendered.

I will forget those embarasing memories.
I will keep them locke away inside the deepest darkest corner
where all the pain, anger, hatred, sadness I used to hold against you
is kept.

You are a stranger
and I don't know you.

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