Not much eh?There are things that scare the wits out of me, and I thought to myself just now that maybe, just maybe, I wasn't mentally prepared for what was to come in my direction. It really scares me. Even when I hear the words from him shrivels my soul.And daftly I just realised that now, after months he said that to me. Pretty freaky. And another one of those lines from him just this afternoon I felt it in my skin, that it felt so foreign and daunting.This feeling only crept up to a higher and a frightening level with the "help" of Aaron only makes this hollow feeling more forbidding. Oh dear god, thinking about it makes my fingers hard to move about on the keyboard. It's practically numb and kinda frozen.Oh god, why you? Why? Of all people why me?
My breathing ragged and my chest thumping at a rate that it could burst. Oh god why?
I know it was my fault that I made him this way. But I tried reasoning with me why he should stop. But it seems that my words were just air. Air that you could just wave it off and tale for granted.
I'm sorry. I knew it was all my doings. So please for my sake, stop.
*
If I knew any better, I would've studied for Socio at least a day before the day of the test. (facepalm)
Cramming all the specifics and essentials about interviews and questionnaires in less than ten hours is proven to be unattainable and instigates a high chance of permanent brain damage. And I think I'm undergoing the initial process now. Or did it happen earlier ago when I fell asleep during the test. (shrug).
Anyhoo yet again, I didn't do that well for the first paper of the Socio test and now I have to study a whole lot harder for the second paper to make up for the first. (sigh) Ah well. I don't know how to force myself to study Socio.
I need motivation. Really. And a whole lot too. A huuggee chunk of it. Because I don't wanna fail for the second MPR.
Sociology is the only subject that I've ever come across to abhor to the very core of my burning soul full of anger and hatred. I hate youuuu Socio!!
*
After the test I quickly packed up my stuff and rushed to the library. Hahaha. I have hidden agendas. Well not so hidden. But still I had stupid trivial reasons why I practically ran and almost tripped on my two feet and stepped on my skirt. (sigh)
There wasn't anyone I know in front of the library and killed time by reading the fics I saved from various LJ comms. And coincidentally "he" was there. Hm. Was taken aback for a short moment before I went to sit somewhere I can't recall where. (is in a total blur) Yeah.
So I read fics and unconsciously kept on glancing at him. And he was busy with his own stuff so wasn't the slightest bit concerned about getting caught redhanded taking glances at him. Yet again I was proven wrong... he saw.
Actually that wasn't the first time today. While I was studying for Socio which started 5 minutes before the test and he suddenly appeared out of nowhere and I got very very distracted. I began acting the usual hyper, crazy, fangirl me and my head almost went around 360 degrees scanning the area for him and was turning around.
He turned to somewhere around me and stupidly, I quickly turned around and flail my arms about as if I was stretching my arms. HAHAHAHA I was stiff that time so the stretches were as stiff as a board! HAHHAHA!! Man, why do I tend to lose my cool when it comes to this? HAHHAHA!! It's sooo not me.
So after I finished reading those fics I made my way out and I felt the wind crashing to my face and the coldness was uncanny. It wasn't everyday that you feel small droplets of rain hitting you face as soon as you step out of the library.
It drizzled at first and I sat alone on the red plastic chair and kept on seeing the he-b*tch from time to time. So I thought that of I can't really kill him or punch the lights out of him, maybe I could learn to forget about what happened and yeah.
No sooner Fakhri, Zils, Baz and the others came from... somewhere under the light rain and then FWOOOSSHHH!!! the rain became heavy as soon as they stepped on the pavement. HAHHA! Sometimes I love how nature works its wonderous ways. Ooo~ Alliteration! And then there was strong wind and everything clattered and glass fall and crash into uncountable pieces, notes flown and scattered everywhere on the wet muddy ground, skirts.....flew up..... and guys go 'Oooh~ Phewiit!' Bunch of pervs.
Then talked with Zati for a while behind the library before she went home and the rain withered and the wind died down for a bit and everything calmed down. Then silence.
Uwaa~ Twas boring that time. Everyone else went to watch the footie match and mom picked me up. Mom, bro and I went to McD because I kept on pestering her about food and how hungry I was.
We ate out and during the destination home my mom was being crazily funny that I laighed till my stomach hurts. She was talking about racing the Merc that was beside us.
So then while turning at a curve with the hot sleek grey Merc still beside us, she kept on saying "Mari ko, mari ko, hahahaha cuba lawan mercedesku ane nah! Hah! Hah! Cubatah nah!" HAHAHAH And then and then she had this poker's face on and her back slumped forward as if imitating a real racer! HAHHAHA!!
She pushed the pedal to the metal and zoomed past the Merc then laughed in her so called victory and continued racing against the Merc which eventually "won" against her.
And then and then... she made this joke and I swear made me almost piss in my pants...skirt...whatever... HAHAHAHAHA!! Then I continued the joke till we got home~ And laughed-- OH OH!! While mom was about to drive in the junction this um, well known transvestite in our kampong just passed by us and waved to my mom. So then my brother questioned the driver's gender.
Then mom said : "Eh, si Saleha tu!"
And my brother choked on his words when he heard it, and looking at his expression and his sudden silence made me crack up. Then mom continued : "Masa pagi namanya Salleh tu, awal malam ane Saleha jadinya." HAHAHAH I don't know and I'm not sure why that made me ROTFLMAO in the car but I think it's the way she said it. HAH!
Man, then I continued with the statement to become a joke and we laughed to our merry ways till we got home and till we went inside the house. I bet the maid next door thought we were crazy or something. But hey, I had a fun time. My family consistes of three crazy members, a serious member and a baby! And with all that, there's no time when it ain't fun with my mom.
(sigh) I wanna watch the tournament! >________________<
Labels: Brain not working well: A great time for randomness, daily life, im holding on to my pee, my hands are cold., random crap
Nothing out of ordinary happened today. But something out of a daily routine did.*I didn't see Dean at all the time when I came. Hm, I wonder why the sudden change of routine? Having that change made me feel as if something was amiss in my life. HAHAHA. Well sometimes daily life cycles are nice. I like it, if I have adapted to it well. And about the usual indistinct morning greeting Dean always give have I adapted well to it. And now that he wasn't there, I felt... imbalanced.*JM was for the first time NOT doing any work in the morning registration. I find it to be a refreshing sight. It's new. I wanted to see more that side of him. :]But then when I looked back at him again he was already sitting down, doing his work. (-_-)Ah and now the class monitor knows that I fancy JM since he saw the numerous shots of JM. And Manhunt. ;p*In ELit we had another test. And I toootalllyyy forgot to read the seventeenth and eighteenth chapter. *facepalm* Baka. Then Mr Peter read another three more chapters.Ah! And Zimah didn't come to school today. I had a great feeling that she had stayed up late til about fiveish finishing up her EAS.*EAS. I passed up my overdue works to Miss Zari and some of my worries are lifted off my shoulders now. I re-did the group article on Melium Group since I couldn't find it anywhere in my bag or books or files. I passed that up a few minutes after since I remembered most of what I wrote. *proud of self*Now we're doing another group project. Our group is doing an advert of a sportscar - Aston Martin 'Vanquish'. It's reaallyy nice. Go me!*Break was so-so, until Manhunt walked behind me THRICE. HAHAHAHAHA. What a happy lass was I that I froze at my spot and looked at Manhunt through his reflection on glass predator-like. Then saw Sa'aadah's eyecandy. He looks cute.*Socioooooo....My eyes felt heavy after half an hour of the lesson. Miss Jules taught us with notes and she explained to us whatever's between the lines. And when I mean she reads between the lines, I mean it. One single line, no matter long or short, takes her about 15 minutes to finish up. She talks in circles and ends it liek how the notes wanted to tell. *headdesk* What a waste of time.*PS. I wanted to do my Maths but I remembered that I didn't bring the other book. Geeh. Wasted minutes trying to find anyone with the thick red Advanced Maths book. But 'twas in vain. Instead I hung out with Diyana and Fai(she had a free period).We spent it inside the library. Fai, Dii and Sa'aadah was on the C2 computer to do their computer presentation/project while I sat down on another chair away from them. I was tired.Then Aaron coughcoughjerkfacecough came in the library then immediately sat down on the chair acroos to me, when he saw me. He started to ask me stuffs.Stuffs like, 'Do you hate me?', 'Why? If I've offended you please just forgive me!', 'Please, I didn't mean to say anything to offend you' or whatver crap came out of him.Actually I was pissed at him because he pissed me off when I was in a pissy mood. He called me a bitch out of the blues when I was pissed and that incident will forever be burnt in my mind.He noticed that I was extra harsh to him. So he asked me for forgiveness. Hah. You can just kiss your sorry ass. He had the answer why but I just didn't speak up that that was the cause. Serves him right, you bitch.Other than being pissed that time I was amused. Amused by his lack of self-dignity. He begged for my forgiveness. He even said that he'd do anything to have my forgiveness. Hah. Then in the end I forgave him, half-heartedly. He noticed that too. He begged more. Whatever. I just left. Annoyed more than I expected to be.*Lunch was not lunch. I didn't eat at all. TT.TTI was with Anis, Muai, Qilah, Fai and Adeylah near the auditorium, making Polly Pocket porn. HAHAGAH. Not that I was involved in the production. I was the audience. The directors were Anis and Qilah. They have yellow minds. HHHAHAH. Then they stalked this Nasir guy. I notice that they like to annoy this dude. I wonder.Then spent the rest with them also. In the library but at the back. Then went out, doing nothing at particular.*Maths was tiring. I was hungry, tired, crabby, sleepy and didn't have the mood for Maths. I fell asleep in class once in a while when we did our classwork. I did good in Differentiations. Then finished the classwork early and took a nap.*After school was still tiring. I haven't eaten still. But Zimah came! With her laptop, playing CS. Pfft. Siiiigh. I knew something like this would happen. It iS Zimah after all. She could not NOT go to school for a day even though it means that she'll be marked as absent for the whole day.Ah! A tragedy happened after minutes Mush and I sat down. Someone stole Baby's bag!Like WTH. In front of us, GDLs? What nerve. Then most of the GDLs hurried and searched about for it. Wardah and Zimah reported it to the principal or SA. Then they became detectives for more than an hour. They looked through the CCTV video from the time the crime began till the evidence of crime was noticed to be stolen. Baby was crying.Then in the end it turned out that someone mistook Baby's bag as their own. *shrugs* I see many people's bag the same so I guess it's forgivable.Ah while the important GDLs investigated Mush, Syaz, Fuad, Iznie, Zilah, Iyan and I fooled around. Well it was only Mush, Fuad and me oh AND LEI!! HAHAHA. I was teaching them how to dance with the curvy finger dance thing. HAHAH. Funny. Then Fuad was being kedayan on his phone. Then it spread on us. We were like, yeah.Then I started to sing Baby Got Back yang the lyrics sounds like 'I like big butts and I can not lie~'. yeah and we started to dance senseless. Me, Fuad and Mush poked each other. And yeah. Was fun. Exciting.It's not out of ordinary. But it's different from our daily life.Labels: amused..., eyecandy excitement, im holding on to my pee, my hands are cold.
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