Not much eh?There are things that scare the wits out of me, and I thought to myself just now that maybe, just maybe, I wasn't mentally prepared for what was to come in my direction. It really scares me. Even when I hear the words from him shrivels my soul.And daftly I just realised that now, after months he said that to me. Pretty freaky. And another one of those lines from him just this afternoon I felt it in my skin, that it felt so foreign and daunting.This feeling only crept up to a higher and a frightening level with the "help" of Aaron only makes this hollow feeling more forbidding. Oh dear god, thinking about it makes my fingers hard to move about on the keyboard. It's practically numb and kinda frozen.Oh god, why you? Why? Of all people why me?
My breathing ragged and my chest thumping at a rate that it could burst. Oh god why?
I know it was my fault that I made him this way. But I tried reasoning with me why he should stop. But it seems that my words were just air. Air that you could just wave it off and tale for granted.
I'm sorry. I knew it was all my doings. So please for my sake, stop.
*
If I knew any better, I would've studied for Socio at least a day before the day of the test. (facepalm)
Cramming all the specifics and essentials about interviews and questionnaires in less than ten hours is proven to be unattainable and instigates a high chance of permanent brain damage. And I think I'm undergoing the initial process now. Or did it happen earlier ago when I fell asleep during the test. (shrug).
Anyhoo yet again, I didn't do that well for the first paper of the Socio test and now I have to study a whole lot harder for the second paper to make up for the first. (sigh) Ah well. I don't know how to force myself to study Socio.
I need motivation. Really. And a whole lot too. A huuggee chunk of it. Because I don't wanna fail for the second MPR.
Sociology is the only subject that I've ever come across to abhor to the very core of my burning soul full of anger and hatred. I hate youuuu Socio!!
*
After the test I quickly packed up my stuff and rushed to the library. Hahaha. I have hidden agendas. Well not so hidden. But still I had stupid trivial reasons why I practically ran and almost tripped on my two feet and stepped on my skirt. (sigh)
There wasn't anyone I know in front of the library and killed time by reading the fics I saved from various LJ comms. And coincidentally "he" was there. Hm. Was taken aback for a short moment before I went to sit somewhere I can't recall where. (is in a total blur) Yeah.
So I read fics and unconsciously kept on glancing at him. And he was busy with his own stuff so wasn't the slightest bit concerned about getting caught redhanded taking glances at him. Yet again I was proven wrong... he saw.
Actually that wasn't the first time today. While I was studying for Socio which started 5 minutes before the test and he suddenly appeared out of nowhere and I got very very distracted. I began acting the usual hyper, crazy, fangirl me and my head almost went around 360 degrees scanning the area for him and was turning around.
He turned to somewhere around me and stupidly, I quickly turned around and flail my arms about as if I was stretching my arms. HAHAHAHA I was stiff that time so the stretches were as stiff as a board! HAHHAHA!! Man, why do I tend to lose my cool when it comes to this? HAHHAHA!! It's sooo not me.
So after I finished reading those fics I made my way out and I felt the wind crashing to my face and the coldness was uncanny. It wasn't everyday that you feel small droplets of rain hitting you face as soon as you step out of the library.
It drizzled at first and I sat alone on the red plastic chair and kept on seeing the he-b*tch from time to time. So I thought that of I can't really kill him or punch the lights out of him, maybe I could learn to forget about what happened and yeah.
No sooner Fakhri, Zils, Baz and the others came from... somewhere under the light rain and then FWOOOSSHHH!!! the rain became heavy as soon as they stepped on the pavement. HAHHA! Sometimes I love how nature works its wonderous ways. Ooo~ Alliteration! And then there was strong wind and everything clattered and glass fall and crash into uncountable pieces, notes flown and scattered everywhere on the wet muddy ground, skirts.....flew up..... and guys go 'Oooh~ Phewiit!' Bunch of pervs.
Then talked with Zati for a while behind the library before she went home and the rain withered and the wind died down for a bit and everything calmed down. Then silence.
Uwaa~ Twas boring that time. Everyone else went to watch the footie match and mom picked me up. Mom, bro and I went to McD because I kept on pestering her about food and how hungry I was.
We ate out and during the destination home my mom was being crazily funny that I laighed till my stomach hurts. She was talking about racing the Merc that was beside us.
So then while turning at a curve with the hot sleek grey Merc still beside us, she kept on saying "Mari ko, mari ko, hahahaha cuba lawan mercedesku ane nah! Hah! Hah! Cubatah nah!" HAHAHAH And then and then she had this poker's face on and her back slumped forward as if imitating a real racer! HAHHAHA!!
She pushed the pedal to the metal and zoomed past the Merc then laughed in her so called victory and continued racing against the Merc which eventually "won" against her.
And then and then... she made this joke and I swear made me almost piss in my pants...skirt...whatever... HAHAHAHAHA!! Then I continued the joke till we got home~ And laughed-- OH OH!! While mom was about to drive in the junction this um, well known transvestite in our kampong just passed by us and waved to my mom. So then my brother questioned the driver's gender.
Then mom said : "Eh, si Saleha tu!"
And my brother choked on his words when he heard it, and looking at his expression and his sudden silence made me crack up. Then mom continued : "Masa pagi namanya Salleh tu, awal malam ane Saleha jadinya." HAHAHAH I don't know and I'm not sure why that made me ROTFLMAO in the car but I think it's the way she said it. HAH!
Man, then I continued with the statement to become a joke and we laughed to our merry ways till we got home and till we went inside the house. I bet the maid next door thought we were crazy or something. But hey, I had a fun time. My family consistes of three crazy members, a serious member and a baby! And with all that, there's no time when it ain't fun with my mom.
(sigh) I wanna watch the tournament! >________________<
Labels: Brain not working well: A great time for randomness, daily life, im holding on to my pee, my hands are cold., random crap
Today wasn't much. All I can remember doing before and during the morning registration was doing my Maths homework. Oh ah! There's this guy who rreeaalllyy looks like Kusano who passed by me.
He glanced at me and I could see that his mouth was twitching into a smile. I wonder why. Maybe I had something on my face? Gah. Whatever. I liked his eyes though. Killer eyes. Not really. But his resemblance to Kusano is rather uncanny. The realisation almost killed me! But then his hair is waayyy off-ish. As in the lookalike's hair is... um, freaky? No no. As in... You know those freaky psychotic assassins? Yup, something like that. I used to like him since he had same features as Kusano.But then ever since that morning he just creeps me out. Sure, their smile, eyes, nose are the same. Even the alignment of their beauty marks under their eyes are practically the same. Which sorta freaked me out more.But hey, anyway. Did Maths. Went to Maths class. Did some work. Maths classmate asked for tissue. HAHAHA That was cute~ Hmph. I don't know by what reason I thought that asking for tissue was cute but my way of thinking is just... different.Then ELit. Sobs. Mr Peter Holland isn't gonna teach us anymore! More sobs. Dammit! Now we have Miss Yong. She's okay. Her pronounciation is not okay if she's an English teacher teaching English. She even pronounced "cliches" as "cleesh". =.=If she were to be my English teacher during primary school, I'd be doomed. No no. That came out wrong. My English would be doomed.Break. At first I was standing around like an idiot, waiting for nothing in particular. Then being stupid around Anis, Muai, Fai and Qilah. Talking about our inside jokes. Then went for EAS class.EAS. Zaf's & Sally's debate was due today. And the judges that time were Khalid, Zimah, Sufi, Carrie and.... me. Sufi kept on pointing at me, choosing me to be one of the judges. But I didn't wanna! >.<>
Bleh. So the debate started off with Jeremy's speech of an "insightful introduction" and for some reason he begins to be in my list. He gets on my nerves at times.
And turns out that Huda was the best speaker yet again. But the prop team won. Oh and Zaf's intense stare at Sally was really disturbing. It sent shivers down my spine. She can be creepy when she least intend to. That's what I admire about her most.
Socio. Twas another episode of boring-ness and drowsiness in class. I was struggling to keep my eyes as open as possible, if not as wide. Then the teacher reminded us of the test tomorrow! >.<
Oh God, spare me! Just spare me!! I don't wanna take up the test! It's so boring!
Then after class, I walked down the pathway and I felt... somewhat relaxed. For some reason.
Then went in front of the library, putdown my bag and files, stood around yet again like an idiot. It was drizzly. The school was in peace and quiet.
Lunch. HAH! During that time I was in a total blur. I even forgot it was even lunch. SO I ran to the stall and hoped for a salmon roll! But as I can see it, fate reeeaaallyyy hates me. You know that saying :
Good things come to people who wait
Well apparently I've waited long enough and I'm pissed 'cause I haven't gotten a single salmon rool for two weeks!! Sobs. Pathetic, I know. Shut up.
PS. I spent it in the library surfing the net. Checking the frequent LJ comms. The stuff.
Then around 2 Zati came in and we waited for an hour. Her, drawing and me, typing. Yeah, not so productive. Well in my case it's not very productive.
*
Then around 2.30 this guy named Ka...something. I can't recall his name. Yeah, him. He was the guy who stood beside me during the PUTERA marchpass and we only glanced at each other once.
Seeing him that time was something I didn't expect. He came in with his friend and he looked at me and smiled. Of course in favour not to embarass Zati, inwardly I awwww-ed. His smile is sooo sweet! >/////<
We both knew that we never talked to each other but seeing him so amiable and approachable is just... is just...
HAA~ Oh no! My face feels warm right now! *slaps self* I can't be this way! But... but... his smile... The lively twinkle in his eyes when he smiled! UWAAAA~!! >/////////////<
Then I quickly looked down because I didn't know why. Then calmed myself down. And I think Zati was looking at me weirdly since I had this goofy grin on my face while I was typing. And yeah. HAA!!
And then and then... he went back in minutes later alone and Zati and I were about to leave for the piano concert thing. Zati was packing up and I was left waiting for her. I was still at the huge desk and we looked at each other again.
One thing I'm definitely sure was that nobody was behind me. FOR SURE. NO ONE. AT ALL. But the Ka...something guy looked onto my general direction and smiled at me more broadly then before. I wasn't sure if that smile was meant for someone else so I had this blur, bangang face while looking at him.
Even as he went to the guys' section he still kept on looking at me with that grin. I was like Is he seriously looking at me? Or are these contacts faulting my eyesight... again.
I chose to smile back at him. And OMFASDFGHJKLZXCV GOD!! He waved at me!! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That... has got to be one of the cutest things I've ever witnessed!
So lemme think back at what he did :
- He turned his face to me
- He beamed
- He waved as I smiled back
- And he's just plkjhgfdsah cute when he grinned
Phew~ Being so excited like this seems to be so new to me. I haven't done this for a long while. I kinda miss it. And I just have to thank him for making me feel so excited again.
*
Then we watched the piano con and it was..rather...okay. Much better than the guitar perf.
Arif was waaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy good playing the keyboard. Way way waayyy good. Especially when he played LP's What I've Done. Very nice. (Y)
There were four players and they played repititively. But still Arif's perf was the best. He's daammnnn good! And he sings good too. Although I'm not sure since the keyboard overlapped his voice.
I was sniffing and sniffling the whole time during the perf and the room was sinfully cold. Couldn't stand it but had to stay. Cause don't wanna miss anything. Then around 3.50 it ended.
Sa'aadah was still there with the others. They just came from the Mall Cineplex, watching Harry Potter. Damn them. I wanna watch that!
So yeah. That's all I can remember. Oh oh! I was hungry that time too that I ate two packets of Mee Asam Laksa and finished it within 4 minutes. I am soooo good. HAH!
Gah. It's 12.26 AM right now so gotta go. BYE! I can't wait to see the Ka..something guy again!
Labels: amused..., daily life, fangirling, my hands are cold.
Nothing out of ordinary happened today. But something out of a daily routine did.*I didn't see Dean at all the time when I came. Hm, I wonder why the sudden change of routine? Having that change made me feel as if something was amiss in my life. HAHAHA. Well sometimes daily life cycles are nice. I like it, if I have adapted to it well. And about the usual indistinct morning greeting Dean always give have I adapted well to it. And now that he wasn't there, I felt... imbalanced.*JM was for the first time NOT doing any work in the morning registration. I find it to be a refreshing sight. It's new. I wanted to see more that side of him. :]But then when I looked back at him again he was already sitting down, doing his work. (-_-)Ah and now the class monitor knows that I fancy JM since he saw the numerous shots of JM. And Manhunt. ;p*In ELit we had another test. And I toootalllyyy forgot to read the seventeenth and eighteenth chapter. *facepalm* Baka. Then Mr Peter read another three more chapters.Ah! And Zimah didn't come to school today. I had a great feeling that she had stayed up late til about fiveish finishing up her EAS.*EAS. I passed up my overdue works to Miss Zari and some of my worries are lifted off my shoulders now. I re-did the group article on Melium Group since I couldn't find it anywhere in my bag or books or files. I passed that up a few minutes after since I remembered most of what I wrote. *proud of self*Now we're doing another group project. Our group is doing an advert of a sportscar - Aston Martin 'Vanquish'. It's reaallyy nice. Go me!*Break was so-so, until Manhunt walked behind me THRICE. HAHAHAHAHA. What a happy lass was I that I froze at my spot and looked at Manhunt through his reflection on glass predator-like. Then saw Sa'aadah's eyecandy. He looks cute.*Socioooooo....My eyes felt heavy after half an hour of the lesson. Miss Jules taught us with notes and she explained to us whatever's between the lines. And when I mean she reads between the lines, I mean it. One single line, no matter long or short, takes her about 15 minutes to finish up. She talks in circles and ends it liek how the notes wanted to tell. *headdesk* What a waste of time.*PS. I wanted to do my Maths but I remembered that I didn't bring the other book. Geeh. Wasted minutes trying to find anyone with the thick red Advanced Maths book. But 'twas in vain. Instead I hung out with Diyana and Fai(she had a free period).We spent it inside the library. Fai, Dii and Sa'aadah was on the C2 computer to do their computer presentation/project while I sat down on another chair away from them. I was tired.Then Aaron coughcoughjerkfacecough came in the library then immediately sat down on the chair acroos to me, when he saw me. He started to ask me stuffs.Stuffs like, 'Do you hate me?', 'Why? If I've offended you please just forgive me!', 'Please, I didn't mean to say anything to offend you' or whatver crap came out of him.Actually I was pissed at him because he pissed me off when I was in a pissy mood. He called me a bitch out of the blues when I was pissed and that incident will forever be burnt in my mind.He noticed that I was extra harsh to him. So he asked me for forgiveness. Hah. You can just kiss your sorry ass. He had the answer why but I just didn't speak up that that was the cause. Serves him right, you bitch.Other than being pissed that time I was amused. Amused by his lack of self-dignity. He begged for my forgiveness. He even said that he'd do anything to have my forgiveness. Hah. Then in the end I forgave him, half-heartedly. He noticed that too. He begged more. Whatever. I just left. Annoyed more than I expected to be.*Lunch was not lunch. I didn't eat at all. TT.TTI was with Anis, Muai, Qilah, Fai and Adeylah near the auditorium, making Polly Pocket porn. HAHAGAH. Not that I was involved in the production. I was the audience. The directors were Anis and Qilah. They have yellow minds. HHHAHAH. Then they stalked this Nasir guy. I notice that they like to annoy this dude. I wonder.Then spent the rest with them also. In the library but at the back. Then went out, doing nothing at particular.*Maths was tiring. I was hungry, tired, crabby, sleepy and didn't have the mood for Maths. I fell asleep in class once in a while when we did our classwork. I did good in Differentiations. Then finished the classwork early and took a nap.*After school was still tiring. I haven't eaten still. But Zimah came! With her laptop, playing CS. Pfft. Siiiigh. I knew something like this would happen. It iS Zimah after all. She could not NOT go to school for a day even though it means that she'll be marked as absent for the whole day.Ah! A tragedy happened after minutes Mush and I sat down. Someone stole Baby's bag!Like WTH. In front of us, GDLs? What nerve. Then most of the GDLs hurried and searched about for it. Wardah and Zimah reported it to the principal or SA. Then they became detectives for more than an hour. They looked through the CCTV video from the time the crime began till the evidence of crime was noticed to be stolen. Baby was crying.Then in the end it turned out that someone mistook Baby's bag as their own. *shrugs* I see many people's bag the same so I guess it's forgivable.Ah while the important GDLs investigated Mush, Syaz, Fuad, Iznie, Zilah, Iyan and I fooled around. Well it was only Mush, Fuad and me oh AND LEI!! HAHAHA. I was teaching them how to dance with the curvy finger dance thing. HAHAH. Funny. Then Fuad was being kedayan on his phone. Then it spread on us. We were like, yeah.Then I started to sing Baby Got Back yang the lyrics sounds like 'I like big butts and I can not lie~'. yeah and we started to dance senseless. Me, Fuad and Mush poked each other. And yeah. Was fun. Exciting.It's not out of ordinary. But it's different from our daily life.Labels: amused..., eyecandy excitement, im holding on to my pee, my hands are cold.
I have notin' better to do at midnight.
So to say, today is a day full of surprises. Why? You know I'm still gonna tell why. So there's no need to ask why at the first place.Lemme get to the story slowly okay?Firstly, I got to school late but this is connected to what I'm gonna tell you.When the car stopped at the traffic light I saw Zimah's car, I swore I saw her inside but she never came to school that time.Then during registration I came around 7.15-ish and found that my eyecandy was there before me. He sat alone either revising for a test or doing his homework. *shrug* Not sure. Then Joanna, Yee Ping and I were, well actually only me, squealing and rabidfangirling over KAT-TUN and NewS and such. Then Sa'aadah waited with me in class and we were sputtering nonsense to the whole class thus getting weird looks of the AEs who came in. Then I rushed out of the class when ZB went to the class.I still hurt. *pats chest*EAS. Geh. Nothing much. Everyone was worried about Zimah. I was thinking if she was dating or something. Hah. I'm sorry,Zimah, that I'm thinking badly of you. Then spent the whole EAS period in the library.SOCIO. I broke the record of my longest time not-faling asleep in class!! Yay~ But I did. For a few seconds. I had to hide behind Michelle so Miss Jules won't get a view of me, sleeping. HAH!Break. What did I do? What happened? Ah yeah, I was tagah-tagahing outside the library doing practically nothing. Just standing there like an idiot. Then Yap came. Then Joana texted me that her class had no teacher.PS. I wanted to do my Maths hw. But I didn't do them right a way. Instead went to Joana's class and flipped through her yaoi comics. Seriously I was being turned on. HAHAHA. Damn, I need to be in control of my hormones yo~Then after Joana had taken all the attendants, Joana, Yap and I went around the school like a bunch of sasat people looking for their destination.Ah crap. My mom's knoking on my door telling me to get off the internet. It's only midnight! Chill woman~Where was I? Ah, yes sasat-ing. We talked about NewS and I now know that Joanna likes Ryo-chan~ Then we went inside the library 'cause I need to do my Maths hw. But I finished them real quick. As a reward for myself, I gave myself two candies~! Lemon teaaa...Maths. I didn't get a glimpse of Jie M--- that time. Only saw the brother. -_-"Mush/Muiz was there. Nadia wasn't. She's away to get her stitches opened. Now we're using the red book.Lunch. Meh. I went straight to class to out down my bags and bumped into Zaf, who wanted me to accompany her to the canteen to give some Furuba to Dayat. I bought lunch and Aaron kept on blocking my way. His cute friend was there. Was beside me. Behind me. haha.Before I went to the dining hall, he blocked my way again. Actually he had his foot out supposedly wanting me to trip over his oversized foot!! xpThen I ate in the class and Zaf was depressed 'cause she thinks she scared the shit out of the boys in her Geo class because of a debate. Tsk tsk tsk. She thinks too much.ELit. We did Calpurnia's contribution in point form. Sir Peter Holland made jokes. He rocks. Full stop.After school. Anis, Zati and I were panat-ing in front of the library. I don't remember the jokes. Ah wait!! bout spongebob! But I forgot about what? I remember I made an impersonation of Larry the lifeguard. Then I remember myself laughing my ass ALMOST rolling on the floor. huh.Then after Anis and Zati went I was left alone. I bought a drink after several fcuking failed attempts!! I drank and saw Sufi~ We talked abit then I noticed this girl(I only saw her back) with Mush and Anaz, but I know that back. It was Zimah.So i screamed her name, all three turned around! I had that shocked look and froze there for a few sconds. Then wen to sit down, waiting for Anaz to leave. As soon as he did, Zimah told me that they broke up yesternight. I was like 'whoa' and I was happy for her!!♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Ill continue later. 'Cause I'm reaaallyy cold and sleepy.
Labels: Brain not working well: A great time for randomness, my hands are cold.
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