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PROFILE ►
I cried "corn beef" in a demonic voice in front of people I'd just met. If that tells you anything about me...
Other than that, the name is Nabilah Johari who goes by her days embarrassing friends with her shameless antics.
I'm "worry-ful" =.="
Friday, June 29, 2007 11:40 PM


Uwaaa~ Ever since I showered this evening my heart hasn't stopped thumping profusedly thinking about the play tomorrow morning! *guuuh*The play's gonna be in less than eleven hours and I'm especially worried that Hans' gonna show up or not!

Me = Chris
Hans = Ikem

We're doing the 189th till 190th page, starting from Chris's speech "Why have you come to me?" till Ikem's line which I forgot what. Hey, it's not my line so I wouldn't care. NGAAH~
Thinking about this again makes more nervous than I was hours ago! The things I'm worried about are :

♪ Hans's presence
♪ If I stumble on my words (...again)
♪ Hans breaking a promise
♪ The audience
♪ Our pidgin accent
♪ My long line in pidgin accent
♪ Hans totally not remembering the location of the play and time

Meh. Let's just hope nothing unexpected happens. Specifically bad lucks. I've been rehearsing my lines since... we finished playing badminton till a few minutes ago as I thought that it's pointless if I continue rehearsing and rehearsing the same lines over and over again. Besides this nervousness I feel will only end in the morning, sadly.

Ah well. Shoon~ *hugs imaginary Shoon* Damn. I love this guy! He's a cool and collected young man, full of talent! I saw a preview of his drama called something beginning with an S and H and an I. *shrugs* Anyway, he acted as this kid who has a kind heart, trustworthy. And he is handicapped. BUT he was known by few that he possesses the power to control the wind! And OMG when he acted with the long stringy wig, he still looked hot!

Many has seen him being the quiet and background kind of guy but few has seen him in his crazy mode! And he does he just cracks me up everytime I see him! He twirls around like a ballerina, he shouts and speaks too quickly that it's incomprehendable, and he dances around like a silly cute fool. *hugs imaginary Shoon again* I love him! And his hair! And his longing eyes! And his full lips. Oh my god, it makes me groan whenever there's a close up of his lips.

Gaaahhh~ Well that's all about Shoon, my new object of obssession!


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Are you compatible enough to be Shoon's girlfriend?
10:13 PM


Either that you're a fan of Yamashita Shoon's or just plainly someone who likes these kind of quizzes, then take a shot! One point for yourselves for each requirements fits you to be his ideal girl! Uwaa~ Shoon-kun!! <33


LOOKS


✔ Short-cut hairstyle

✔ Chestnut coloured hair

✔ Shorter than me (meaning Shoon's height)

✔ Is the cute type rather than the pretty/beautiful type

✔ Doesn't wear sunglasses

✔ Has small hands

✔ Has a normal figure not an anorexic skinny type

✔ Has a natural fashion style (meaning no overly dramatic fashion statements)

✔ Looks good in t-shirts

✔ Wears a minimum amount of accessories


PERSONALITY


✔ Can make jokes without getting embarassed
✔ Has a bright outgoing personality

✔ Can make weird faces naturally

✔ Can cook in a flash

✔ Does not wear thick makeup

✔ Not scared of bugs

✔ Will not be unfaithful
✔ Age is close to him or older
✔ Is not loud and noisy going "gya~! gya~!" all the time
✔ Doesn't put makeup on in the train
✔ Knows a lot about music and movies
✔ Can play the guitar
✔ Will not go to the convenience store in sweats (this is really strange question. and for those like me who do not know what スウエットis well it's some sportwears pullover thing.)
✔ Can speak in dialects (like kansai-ben etc.)


LIKES/DISLIKES


✔ Likes leathered goods

✔ Likes black tea

✔ Eats their meals heartily

✔ Likes meat

✔ Always has gum and mint on hand

✔ Is frequent with their phone calls and emails


...and now for the verdict :


0 - 3 = you need more of an effort?


4 - 14 = maybe we can become friends?


15 - 27 = maybe you can be my girlfriend?


28 - 30 = maybe we can get married?



So what did you girls and boys get? I did the quiz honestly and I got 20~ HAHAHAHAHAA!! *squee* I'm Shoon girlfriend-material! HAHAHAHHAA!!

I wonder how black tea tastes like. Since Shoon's specialty is tea. And he knows his teas(?). Fuuh~ I wanna try one some time! But I'm not sure where else in Brunei is good!

Any reccomendations?


*


Uwaa~ It's only been days since I knew Shoon and now I'm so obssessed of him~ He's just adorable to look at! Especially when he's in the Onigokko shows. Siiigh. I liked chibi Shoon.


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Layout is finally A-okay.
Thursday, June 28, 2007 11:02 PM


So the voyage to get the layout to be done is finally done. So what do you think? Nice eh? I like particularly the gun. HAHAHAHAHAAH!!

So yeah my rambles and rants started here and ends here for now. I know it's pretty much useless of an entry but get over it. My blog, my power, so what.


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HOMEWORKS, HOMEWORKS, HOMEWORKS
Saturday, June 23, 2007 3:32 PM


Ngaaaahhh. Holiday's gonna end in, what? Two days? And I haven't even done any work. My homeworks. Socio homeworks. TT.TT I hate you Socio!!
But I'm not alone. There're other people who haven't even touched their homeworks. (h5)
And as an example, ANIS!!

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!! Yeah well I'm ranting again. It's just I regretted taking Socio. Yee Ling had been nagging about Socio. Munir nagged about me not doing Socio. And so did Lei. =.=" You bunch of annoying naggers! I SLAP YOUUU!! *slap YL, Munir & Lei*

Siiigh. Two days to go eyh? I wonder how I'll be then.

AHH!!! GTG!! I think my other laptop is at the edge of the table and is about to fucken fall!!!
BYE!!


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NAZIM you suck; end of eyecandies
Friday, June 22, 2007 4:00 PM


Quote of the day...

Knowing the truth can be a bitch that's gnawing on your ass.
Sometimes when you have unrequited feelings towards someone there are things that you have face up to. For example heartbreaks when you found out that the said person is in a relationship with someone else. And that someone is a faghole. It hurts ne?

Sometimes if I could I'd go back in time when I first saw his adorable face when he pouted in frustration. That first time when things were in all kinds of wrong. I wished I didn't know him and her. I wished my cousin didn't introduced me to her ex best friend. I wished I had failed my O levels and be stuck in STPRI instead of going to MD.

That wretched college had ruined me. It changed me to something else. A friend of mine was right. This college had brought to a significant change to everyone we knew in our former school. The school where no boys were there to make us swoon upon looking at them, no one to hate in reason of a guy, and there'll always be a sense, even though it's faint, there'll always be a sense of brotherhood or taking the school in consideration, a sense of sisterhood. The unity. How m=I miss those days. Makes me want to go back in time.

Back then I thought I was strong. Emotionally. But this college proved me wrong.

A friend told me that she didn't want to change but that time I was against it. However now, I see her way of thinking. I don't want to change. Not to a girl who cries in a corner, her back facing the crowd and only to use a happy mask when she faces the world. No, I don't want to be like that anymore. I want to be how I was; "one-faced". I don't like being two-faced. I've grown out of lying. Lying only brings me to more complication, and sometimes I lied too much that I couldn't differentiate which one is the truth and which one is a lie.

This world asks for too much. The inhabitants wants to be accepted even if it means to lie and feign their real identity. As I look back at what I've done, I was always smiling. A fake smile. One of my many masks. I feigned smiles too many times that I've come to master it. It's disgusting. To express false emotions. There are times when I felt so disgusted at myself that whenever I smile the fake smile it came out a bit tight and forced.

Fake and false emotions are very well praticed wround the females. Especially the older ones in ceremonies or whatever formal events. They tend to ask how tehir lives had been doing and the other would answer 'Ah my daughter would be expecting a new baby this end of the month' even though that 'daughter' had a big number of children and people grew bored of listening of these... good news. The female who asked would feign a fake smile and a fake laughter with emotions that barely passed by her thick makeup. Whenever I see that, I just feel disguested. I cringe in disgust inwardly.

Wait what was the main thing I wanted to say? Ah yes. That bitch and Nazim. And knowing the truth. So therein I will try to stop all my stalking activities once and for all. I'll delete all their pictures from my camera and my laptop. I will try as hard as I might to reel my concentration toward studies or at least try.

And here's a last unknown message to you Nazim : "Fuck. Off. Go ahead prance around in your own gay meadow of mushy happiness you bastard. And hear this, don't expect me to sideway-look at you, glance at you or even give a single microscopic damn about me, you gay bitch!"

A message to Maj : "It goes without saying how much I've disliked you ever since primary 4 and now I hate you more than I did hate some people! If there's anything I could do in the whole world is to REarrange your face."

And to my other eyecandies : "I have to let you all go. Jie Ming(yes I am very much aware that I yet again exposed his name in this blog) you're cute and all but I want my old self back. And to the other 'minion' eyecandies you guys don't excite me as much as before so a HUGE BOO to you."

Now that I've officially declared that I'm eyecandy-less I need my friends back. And come to think of it ever since I was on an eyecandy craze I haven't thought of my friends at all. It was always him, him, him, etc. I've pushed the thoughts of friends aside to a far far corner in my mind. And only think of them when I wasn't in the mood of being a crazed fangirl.

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I need some help on the layout thing
Thursday, June 21, 2007 11:47 PM


My grandma just came back from Umrah and us - my family and cousins - gathered in her house. And we were supposed to be...somehow...celebrating of her arrival instead I'm here, again, in my dad's room watching Full Moon wo Sagashite and bawling my eyes out. GAAAHHH I shouldn't have watched the frickin anime. Now that I've cried endlessly and the tears fell on my pants which made it seem like I peed. =.=

My grandma came back and bore huge plastic bags of different types of kurmas, koka bracelets for all the women and some men in the family, she even brought some sort of a cupped water from Arab aaand the rest I wasn't sure cause I instantly went back to my dad's room watching Full Moon wo Sagashite.

Icecreams, sweets, chocolates and other junk food were bought by my aunts and my cousin. And I ate the rainbow ice cream~ Nyuum~! And I stole two tronkey bars from my cousin! HUAHUAHUAHUAAA!! I just love em~ Besides she bought a lot of Tronkey sticks/bars/whatever.

Sooo yeah today's another one of those UNproductive days. Ah Yee Ling even texted me about Socio asking whether I finished my Socio and told me to send it to her if I did finish. Well knowing me, I procrastinate. THAT means that I haven't finished my Socio homework! And if I DID finish it, Idon't work under anyone and give away my homework to someone else UNWILLINGLY. *hmph*

Yeeaahhh I just saw Izni's and Dzar's blog and their layout rocked especially Izni's. I like the soft green and the feeling of freedom the layout had given out. Siiigh. I have a layout and I tried to use BUT the template turned out that there's some error. It said something about "element content something something must be tagged with a matching ">" or "/>" or something else." Siiiiigh. I've been trying to alter and finding the faults for three hours and I've given up. It was no use.So I need someone to help me out with the layout.

The layout I found and saved was uber cool. GAAHHH *tugs hair* WWHHHYYY???!!! I need some professional help. I wanted to ask Izni but I guess I'm kinda shy. HAHAHAHAHAHA!! And I wanted to Dzar but I didn't and the reason's the same. =.= I seeeriiouuussllyy need some help with the frucken layout. I reeaallly do.

Izzniiiii~ If you're reading this please help me out! And you too Dzar!!

HAAAAAAAAHH. As if they even know this is my blog or even they even know that I HAVE a blog. I need help. Badly. ONEGAISHIMASU!!! HEELLPPPP MEEEEEE!! TT.TT

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Imperfect, unfinished and plain ugly
Tuesday, June 19, 2007 2:50 PM


I seriously can't get enough of PIN~ YamaPi + Jin = rabu rabu
Siiigh. This one is a draft, so it ain't finished. It is finished baru tadi. But I don't think the ending is good. I suck at it. I suck at description. I can't even write a good kissing scene!

Ah well. Title is... unknown. Ah yeah, I suck at making titles too. I'm a failure~! And it's rated um, I don't know how to rate too! *emos somewhere* But it has rough Pi and a clueless Jin(as always). And Pi dominates!

TONIGHT WE WILL DINE IN HELL!!!!
Err that was just plain random. Couldn't think of anything better to end an introduction.
*
"YES!" 14-year-old Akanishi Jin cheers as he watches the last basketball fall into the hoop flawlessly. He turns to his best friend who is currently pouting, a basketball still in his hands. "I win again," he says, smirking at the younger boy. He walks over to the stand next to it and picks out a stuffed animal (a panda) and adds it to his bulging bag of prizes he had won that entire day. It must be my lucky day, he thinks as he lugs the bag home with him, walking alongside a quiet Yamashita Tomohisa.
Jin animatedly recounts most of the day's games, his voice not hiding the excitement he was feeling from having won so much in one day when usually he's the loser at the end of these games. Beside him though, Yamapi has not said a single word in reply.
"Pi?" Jin asks, when he realizes that the boy appears lost in his thoughts.
"Hmm?" Yamapi grunts out, his hands stuffed in his pockets and his head staring down at the ground. He looks up, his eyes slightly dulled over and Jin frowns.
"Ne," he says, stopping in his tracks and rummaging through his bag.
"Jin, what are you doing?" Yamapi asks, his voice curious as he stops beside his best friend.
Jin finally finds what he's been looking for and picks out a plushie of Tuxedo Mask. "Ne, you can have this! I know you think he's cool and all and well, I have too much already."
Yamapi stares at the plushie in front of him and then looks into Jin's anxious face. However, the reaction from the younger boy isn't exactly what Jin is expecting. He glares at Jin as he snaps, "Taking pity on me? Just because I lost today doesn't mean you have to act as though I'm so pathetic I'll take the scraps from my best friend."
"Wha?" Jin starts, his heart pounding as he watches Yamapi's glare get darker. "That's not-" he starts, but is cut off.
"I don't need to take this from you," he snips, turns on his heel and then dashes away, leaving Jin frozen in his spot with his arm still outstretched and the plushie in his hand.
Jin's shoulders droop as he puts the plushie back into the bag and lifts his bag up and clutches it to himself. He hadn't meant it like that, not in the least. He had just thought he'd do a nice thing, like whenever Yamapi won, he'd always give one of the prizes to Jin and thought he could finally do the same. He trudges all the way home, kicking rocks and little puppies alike, minus the puppies, of course.
He enters the house, muttering out a weak "Tadaima" and rushes up into his room to avoid any questions from his mom. He can hear a faint "Jin!" coming from his mom, but he promptly ignores it.
Throwing open the door to his room, he expects to be able to toss the bag aside and just flop onto his bed, but he's extremely mistaken when he finds Yamapi sitting on top of his bed, staring at a spot on his wall while eating some popcorn from a bowl on his lap. Jin promptly drops the bag in front of him.
Jin stares for a long minute, blinking and then goes "Pi?" a second later. The younger boy doesn't react to the comment at all, and Jin knows that he's just being stubborn again. The older boy sighs, moving to pick up the bag and tossing all the fallen plushies back into it.
Crunch. Crunch.
Looking up, Jin sees Yamapi casually plopping in the popcorn into his mouth like this is nothing and that he's not in Jin's room, getting on Jin's nerves with his little silent act.
Crunch. Crunch-crunch-crunch.
Jin manages to put the bag aside without attacking Yamapi at the irritating sound of crunching popcorn in his mouth, but when he goes "Pi?" a second time and Yamapi doesn't react, he snaps. He moves to grab the bowl, his hands tugging on one end of the bowl.
Quickly, the fury in Yamapi's eyes comes back as his hands automatically move to take it back. The two struggle a little with the bowl, making it into a mini-tug of war battle when the bowl slips from both their hands and lands all over Jin's bed. The buttered-popcorn scatters onto his sheets and onto the floor and the two stare at each other for a long minute.
"Now look at what you did!" They snap at the same time, identical glares on both of their faces. Jin grunts a little, lying back on the rug in his room and he tries desperately to hold himself back from strangling the younger boy.
Yamapi grunts in reply, falling back onto Jin's bed and ignoring the crunch of the popcorn beneath him when his body hit the bed.
It's silent between the two for a long while, to the point that Jin could've sworn that at least half an hour passed without any dialogue being shared between them.
"I'm sorry," Yamapi mutters out, breaking their silence and then he leans over to his side and still not looking at Jin at all.
Jin sits up abruptly, not sure if he was hearing things or not. "Wait, what?"
Yamapi purposely keeps away from Jin's gaze, trying to look at any spot other than his eyes and mutters again, albeit a little louder this time, "I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry; I can't hear you." Jin snaps, crawling over to his bed and trying to get closer to Yamapi.
This time, Yamapi turns his head and faces Jin, eyes on eyes. "I'm. Sorry," he repeats, this time loud and clear.
Jin stares and then a smile grows on his face. "It's okay, Pi." He turns over, leaning back on the side of his bed. "You're a sore loser, I understand."
Yamapi growls behind him, "I am not!" he exclaims, smacking Jin in the head with one of his pillows.
Jin is laughing when he falls back against the floor, ignoring, as Yamapi did, the crunching of the popcorn underneath him. "Who'd've thought you'd be such a brat when you lost?"
Yamapi huffs, "Shut up." He moves to lie beside Jin and the two lay next to each other, the silence in the room more comfortable than it had been in a long while.
"...Still want that plushie?" Jin asks, one arm behind his head.
A pillow smacks him on the face in reply. "Not Tuxedo Mask, baka. I never said he was cool," Yamapi snaps with a roll of his eyes.
"Ahhh, must be mixing you up with someone else." Jin leans over to his side so he can look at Yamapi and the younger boy moves to do the same. "But you can definitely take any one that you want."
Yamapi's smile is comforting to him. "Thanks, Jin. I appreciate it."
Jin smiles back, "No problem."
The smile changes to a wicked grin as Yamapi says, "But next time, I won't have to take one of your plushies because I'll be winning my own and you'll be the one asking one from me."
Jin hits Yamapi in the face with the pillow and the two collapse on the floor in laughter.
*
"Akanishi-kun!" A girl's voice coos as he walks down the street with his best friend.
Jin, now at the ripe age of 21, flashes her one of his best smiles, giving her a small wave as well, and she turns to her friend, squealing in excitement. A block later, it happens again. Only this time, it's two girls and this time, Jin actually knows them. He can hear Yamapi "tsk" and can just see the male rolling his eyes as he listens to Jin flirt with the girls. It's a common enough occurence for Jin that he's surprised when Yamapi curtly excuses himself and heads off without giving Jin any heed.
Jin stares at Yamapi's departing back, biting at his lip as he looked from the girls to Yamapi, then back to the girls. "Yamapi!" he calls out, but the boy doesn't turn around. Jin's eyebrows furrows together as he continues to stare at Yamapi walking away. He turns to the girls, his face with apology written all over it, "Sorry, I should go see what's the matter. See you tomorrow?" He runs off before hearing their apology, but he's sure they'll agree. (He was Akanishi Jin, after all.)
By the time that Jin has caught up to Yamapi, the male's already inside of Jin's house, sitting on his bed... With popcorn in his lap. Jin blinks for a second and then tries to keep calm, assuring himself that this does not mean what he thinks it means. (And how'd he get there so quickly and cook popcorn? Did he have some hidden supply somewhere that Jin just didn't know about?)
"You know, I could definitely hook you up with one of the girls," Jin says casually, tossing his back-pack wherever and throwing himself against the floor, leaning against one of the sides of the bed. "I know you have a thing for girls with big breasts, and you have to admit that Sakura does have them. I'm sure she'd jump at the chance to date the famous Yamashita Tomohisa." Jin leans back on his elbows and tilts his head back far enough so he can get a good look at Yamapi's face.
He only finds Yamapi still crunching annoyingly (a sound that never ceases to piss Jin off) on popcorn and is still staring at the wall blankly.
"Tomohisa," Jin calls and Yamapi just pops another kernel into his mouth.
"Yamashita," he snaps, turning his whole body around to get a good look at Yamapi. "Will you stop eating and talk to me already?" The male still doesn't react and Jin always did have a short fuse.
"Damn it, Pi! You keep doing this!" Jin picks up a random plushie from the floor and throws it at the younger male on his bed. "We're not kids anymore. You have got to stop giving me the silent treatment whenever you're pissed at me!"
Yamapi's glare almost causes Jin to lose his nerve.
"No, Pi," Jin snaps, his glare matching Yamapi's. "For once, you're going to have to say something and not stay silent for over half an hour."
Yamapi huffs, snatching the pillow he had been lying on and throws it at Jin's head. Jin ducks to avoid it and looks back up only to find Yamapi had moved in front of him. He leans forward against his hands which rest at Jin's sides. Jin arches back slightly, feeling his back ache from the uncomfortable position. Yamapi whispers softly with a tinge of darkness to it, "Do you really want to know what the problem is, Jin?" His breath mixes with Jin's and Jin takes in a deep breath unconsciously, inhaling all that is Yamapi.
"Yes," Jin murmurs. They lock eyes and the world freezes for Jin. All he can focus on is on the male in front of him, who is breathing on him and whose warm breath is tickling his nose. His eyes dart to focus on Yamapi's and he follows the line of his nose to his eyes which haven't blinked once and the thought causes Jin to blink. In that one second, Yamapi pounces, his lips press against Jin's and Jin falls back on the floor in shock.
Yamapi is persistent though and he presses against Jin's body as he leans forward, trying to keep their lips from separating. Jin's hands move to push the boy off of him, but when Yamapi's tongue pokes at his lips and Jin gasps in reaction, causing Yamapi to plunge his tongue into his mouth, his hands stop trying to push and instead are tugging at Yamapi to get closer.
They separate and Jin opens his eyes to find Yamapi still on top of him. He suddenly acutely aware of the fact that his hands are clutching at the front of Yamapi's shirt and Jin just blinks dumbly. "Um," he says after a long uncomfortable pause.
"That's my problem," Yamapi whispers, his eyes looking more vulnerable than Jin thinks he's ever seen them. "And I can't help it anymore." He moves to get up, but Jin doesn't let go. Instead, Jin tugs him forward and when Yamapi collapses against Jin's body, Jin throws his arms around the younger male.
"Then, don't worry about it any longer," Jin mutters into Yamapi's hair, his hands tangling in the black hair that he always found soft and was pleased to find that it actually was. "This is one thing that you definitely won't have to throw a tantrum over." When he feels Yamapi's hands gripping at Jin's shirt, Jin looks down to find Yamapi staring back at him. Jin flashes him a smile and the younger male snorts and rolls his eyes.
"I guess not," Yamapi says, leaning his head against Jin's chest and listening to the sound of his heart beat. "I guess not."

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Did I mention I love how my mind works?
1:38 PM


HAAAAA~ Today's dream was weiiirrddd. I was dreaming of the guys in NewS!

I was restless from 2 till 6, but I still slept. Just a bit restless. Then after 6 I woke up to check if my laptop was still on and the ProDai ep 4 (yes I know it'sad that I'm left behind. It's already come to the 10th episode and I'm still dowloading the fourth.) was still downloading in BitComet. And the internet was still slow. *headdesk*

I went back to sleep, feeling more restless than I was before. Then I dreamt of NewS.

It started off when I was IMing someone. And then I looked up to see that I was at the outdoors. As always in my dreams, it was dark. Dark as in the day just broke. Everything looks gray and dull.
I found myself sitting on lush green grass of some unknown (most likely a chinese's house) and there were three dogs. Wait no, they were some sort of a weird mutation between a tiger and a dog but the three "dogs" were... HUUUGGEEE. Bigger than a me. And..taller too.

HAHAHAHA shiiiitt. I swear I almost screamed in my dream. Standing up slowly and I tiptoed away from the tigers slash dogs. And I was right. It was definitely chinese-owned. Cause you know... I saw those huge oriental pots between the pathway. And and...one of the togers slash dogs were following me. I freaked out. And and... it didn't attack. Instead it waited in front of the huge mahogany door which I was facing.

Someone opened the door and looked at the tiger, ignoring my presence behind the tiger slash dog and let it in the house. So I thought that it was their pet or whatever. I let mysekf in too since the woman looked a t me. Gah whatever.

They tiger slash dog was gone somewhere. I went to the kitchen and saw my mom... in pink. Bright ugly pink. *blanches*
She was...preparing something. Or baking, I don't remember. And and then the back door was open and I saw Keii Koyama and Kato Shigeaki. And I'm like WTF???!!! o.0

HAHHAHAHA naah, since it was a dream I always don't react at all. HAHAHAHAHA!!
Koyama saw me and he took a small step into the house whilst leaning against the doorframe.

For some reason... the whole scene went blurry and I went to this..place. A dark room only lowly lit by a single lighting bulb that was hung low. Or was it somewhere else. I think I was in a studio. And the guys in NewS were sitting around an oval table.

Yamapi; leaning on his seat. Keii; opposite to me; Me, in front of Koyama; Shige, beside Koyama; Ryo, standing around looking at everyone with a hard stare.

They knew I was there. Not sure how but they knew, Hey it's my dream I should know.

I was about to ask where Massu and Tesshi were but Ryo answered before I finished. "They're in Taiwan for the Golden Award."

I noticed that Keii had been staring at me for a long while. Yamapi was striking a conversation with me. And we talked excitedly. The topic? I... don't remember. *headdesk*

Shige was half-glaring half-staring at me as his eyes kept on darting from Koyama to me and back to Koyama. I was still clueless that time but I now know why. HAAAAAAA I just love how my mind works! I'm just gonna leave there! Cause if I continue I'd be talking more crap than I usually do in this blog!

BYW did I mention that I want the SUMMARY of Johnny's World 2004 DVD??
Yes I want it. Anyway I could buy it online? And where? TT.TT
Please help a famgirl in distress. Spread the love!

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JEEE you owe me one!
Monday, June 18, 2007 8:38 PM


Ahhhh mouuu~ Today was slightly different than any other days during the holidays because....

Jee went to town and hung(?) out at my place~
(well we were suppose to be going out with some people, but we failed to find any.)
But things didn't worked out as planned. Instead of going out, Jee and I were stuck in my house from 10.30 AM till 12.13 PM. We took a couple of bad pictures using the mini tripod for the Sony T-100 and we posed badly. After that Jee went because she and her fourth brother had to visit their grandad who lives in Kampong Limau Manis as they haven't really seen him for a long long while since they moved. Jee and her bro were suppose to eat lunch there but didn't.
She told me that she last-minutely remembered that her other brother had a gathering. So they rushed off to KB. Ah well. I was very much looking forward to hang out with her. Fate seems to not like me these days.
First it was the fucken slow internet, the always-cut-off Canon Rock transferring, the gastric pains, the SLLOOWWWW internet, lost camera USB cable, shortage of money, Socio homework, boring holiday...and etc.
Siiigh. But today made a difference to what I've endured in the dull 8 days. For the first time in five or more days the internet was behaving! YE GADS! I wonder what happened in the afternoon. Or whatever it was that I've fixed.
*
I'm a JE fangirl. A noob. But I'm mostly into KAT-TUN and NewS recently. But that almost changed.
I knew that JE had a SUMMARY concert. But I was only interested in their backstage. And today, I've finally watched most of the SUMMARY concert 2004. The concert was OUTSTANDING!!
Seeing the synchronisation, choreography, acting and the men suspended in air by strings, was breathtaking. I absolutely loved the synchronisation. The effort you could feel emitted by the JE boys performing made me proud to be a JE fan. But, hah, thank god Arashi wasn't in the performance. These guys are hot but hopeless when it comes to dancing, thus synchronisation would a little off if they were in it.
But too bad Kanjani 8 wasn't there. But then if they were, Ryo and Uchi would be facing up to a whole lot of struugle since NewS is also performing. Siiigh.
HAH!! WTH am I doing? It's like I'm reviewing the whole thing! Tsk tsk tsk.
Point is I just couldn't stop squealing whenever there's a screenshot of Massu~ HAHAHAHAHHA I've replaying the part where you see Massu even the ones you barely see him in there but I'm his fan I should know.
Ah ah... ABC rocked too. No wonder they're called "Acrobatic Boys...something." Their acrobats were WHOA!!! THEY FUCKEN ROCKED!! THEY SOO FUCKEN ROCKED!!! HEEEEE!! A 720 degrees backflips is just.... is just... impossible!
Oh oh!! The stage were also spitting out water! Water around the round stage which is filled with hot sweaty men and boys. HAAAAA I hate Johnny for his ways for making us fangirls go pedo over these young innocent talented boys!!
Fuuuh~ I love I love I loooovveee~ Too bad it's not subbed.
KRISSY I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE!! GIVE ME YOUR MONEY SO I COULD BUY THE SUMMARY OF JOHNNY'S WORLD 2004 DVD!!!
YOU WERE THE ONE NAGGED ME TO WATCH IT! Now that I've watched it and you got me hooked, either you give me money or lend me your DVD so I could rip the perf. Yeah? Well you don't even know about this blog. Bleh.

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Random
Saturday, June 16, 2007 1:11 PM


Nyah. Now that I've spent all my writer-juice writing "Living" I am completely blank and empty of any stories, plots, whatsoever.

GOD. I still miss JM. But it's good that I don't dream about those two again. I might go kraazeeyyhh.

So supposedly Naz and I were spose to watch Shrek third today - Saturday - but I don't think Naz remembers though. Ah well. I have no one to send me to ze Mall anyway. =p

NAZ! I mish ya! But I miss JM more!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. *silence* As if she even reads my blog since last month.

And I haven't even touched my holly homeworks. =.="
And I need to finish my Socio projects..assignment..Gah I don't know what it's spose to be!

ZATTTTTTTIIIIIIIIIIII your comment wasn't good enough. =.=
And you didn't listen to a sad song didn't you? While reading the fic? DID YOU NOT?? Siiighh. I want you to cry bah! It's rare for you to cry on a fic!


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Living part 2
Friday, June 15, 2007 9:39 PM


Jin poured two teaspoons of sugar into the coffee, stirring it a few times before taking a sip. “So how’s the new hospital,” he asked.

“Every hospital is the same,” Naomi said as she relaxed in her chair. This was the first time Jin has seen the older woman outside of the hospital, and she looked a bit different; a lot younger, he supposed. “But I do miss working with Suzu and the others. And I do miss Kazuya.”

“You don’t miss me,” Jin said with a melodramatic gasp.

“Nope,” Naomi said with a smirk, but when she say the hurt expression on Jin’s face, she added, “Well maybe just a little.” She grabbed her glass of water and took a small sip. “Have you met the new nurse responsible for Kazuya?”

Jin pouted his lips out slightly, as if deep in thought and said, “Hitomi-san right? I met her... she’s not as nice as you though.”

“She’s quiet. More reserved, but she’s new so it’ll take her some time to adjust,” Naomi explained.

“... will she be okay,” Jin asked in a dead-serious tone.

Naomi smiled reassuringly and said, “She should be fine. I’m sure Suzu will help her out as much as she can.”

“But in the end, it’s still Hitomi-san’s responsibility, right? Suzu-chan still has her own patients to take care of so she can’t be checking up on Kazuya all the time...” Naomi didn’t even have the chance to say anything in response to that as Jin’s phone started ringing loudly. “Excuse me...” Jin reached down into his front pocket and pulled out the phone. He flipped it open and pressed it against his ear. “Hello?”

‘Jin-kun...’

“Kamenashi-san? What’s wrong,” Jin asked worriedly; the way Kazuya’s mother’s voice cracked as she spoke and struggled with her words scared him.

‘You have to... you have to come to the hospital... Kazuya... he... he’s...’ Kazuya’s mother couldn’t even finish her words and the phone slipped from Jin’s hand and fell onto the table.

“What’s wrong,” Naomi asked.

“... it’s Kazuya...,” Jin said softly as he struggled to breath. “I... I have to go to the hospital...”

*

Jin rushed to the hospital and headed straight towards ICU. When he saw Kazuya’s parents sitting at the waiting room, he immediately ran in. “What... what happened,” Jin asked with short breaths.

“Oh Jin-kun,” Kazuya’s mother sobbed as her husband rubbed her arm in a comforting gesture, and Jin could see the sadness that lurked within his eyes. “Kazuya... he...” She couldn’t even finish her words as her tears took over.

“Don’t worry... he’ll make it...,” Kazuya’s father said, but he wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince her, or himself. He turned his attention to Jin and said, “Jin... do you want to go see him?” Jin could say nothing, so he merely nodded his head.

“Do you want to come with me then?” Jin turned around and saw Minori standing behind him with a darkened expression on his face. “Come, Jin-san.”

Minori turned around and moved towards the room at the end of the hall. The door jerked open after the doctor pressed in his pass code and Jin followed him inside. There were many doctors and nurses running around, and they walked past several rooms before Minori stopped in front of this particular door with the name Kamenashi Kazuya printed on the board attached to the door.

“Jin-san... before we go in, I want you to prepare yourself... the Kazuya-san you see lying in there right now, may not be the same Kazuya-san you remember from yesterday,” Minori warned, and Jin nodded. The doctor slowly pushed open the door and Jin took a deep breath before walking in. Even though he expected the worst, when his eyes fell upon the sight of Kazuya’s pale face, he felt a tightness in his chest that took his breath away.

Kazuya was lying on his back, and there were a few more tubes that connected to his body than he last remembered. Jin couldn’t help but notice that Kazuya’s face lost the glow that was present even in his comatose state, and it was now replaced by a sickening paleness that made his heart tighten even more. Despite the loud, clear beeping of the heart monitor, Kazuya still didn’t look very much alive.

Jin’s hands shook uncontrollably as he slowly staggered towards Kazuya’s bed. He gently lifted his hand to touch his face, and it felt unbearable cold; he was alive, but the warmth that he remembered was no longer there. “Ka-Kazu...,” he whimpered out softly and his voice cracked, the tears fell, and suddenly, he was on the ground; memories from five years ago rushed through his mind.

*

“I’m back Kazu...,” Jin announced tiredly as he changed out of his shoes and into his slippers. He took off his jacket and threw it onto the couch. He looked around the apartment and when he didn’t catch sight of the younger man, he headed into their room to see if he was in there. When he didn’t see him, he suddenly felt a sense a dread wash over him. He didn’t understand why he felt that way; it wasn’t like the younger man never went out without letting him know where he was going.

He shook his head from those anxious thoughts, and reached for his cell phone that he had left on the night stand. Flipping it open, he noticed there were close to thirty missed calls, and suddenly, he felt scared. Hesitantly, he checked the calls, and they were all from unknown numbers. He saw the flashing icon indicating that he had a new voice message, and he immediately opened it from his mailbox. When he heard the voice, he felt all the muscles in his body tense up immediately; it was Kazuya’s father, and the only words he heard were ‘Kazuya... accident... hospital’ but it was enough to make his heart stop beating, and the entire world around him darken to nothing.

*

“Here Jin-san,” Minori said as he passed the younger man a paper cup filled with warm water.

Jin took the cup, but he didn’t drink it; he merely held it in place on top of his lap as he stared hard at the ground just below his feet. A long period of silence followed before Jin spoke. “... what happened,” he whispered. “He was fine yesterday... Just the other day, I even felt him grab my hand...” The tears started to fall again, and Jin couldn’t control the sadness that overwhelmed him.

Minori took a deep breath before speaking. “Pneumonia,” he said softly. “We can’t say for sure as we’re still investigating, but it may have been due to a careless mistake on our part.”

Jin lifted his eyes and stared at the doctor with surprise. “What do you mean a careless mistake,” Jin asked with a scarily calm voice.

“It’s not uncommon for patients in deep comas to become infected with pneumonia, but in many cases, it is preventable. In Kazuya-san’s case, we suspect that fluid from the stomach entered the respiratory tract which was why this happened, and this is generally preventable if special precautions were taken by the nurse.” Minori’s voice grew quieter towards the end of that sentence, but he cleared his throat and continued. “But like I said, at this point in time, we can’t say for sure, and our number one concern is still Kazuya-san’s recovery, though I assure you we will be investigating into this matter more thoroughly.”

Jin rubbed his nose as he took a deep breath to calm himself down. He told himself to just forget for a moment why this happened, and focus on how they could fix it. “Pneumonia... is curable... is it not,” he asked, almost too hesitantly.

“Generally, yes. But...”

“But what?”

“... both of Kazuya-san’s lungs collapsed, and when we were performing surgery on him, and for over a full minute, his heart had stopped beating.” Minori paused for a moment to allow this information to sink in to the younger man. “Kazuya-san... he’s no longer breathing on his own... That machine you saw in Kazuya-san’s room, that’s what’s keeping his heart beating at this moment.”

The younger man bit hard on his lips as the tears fell more rapidly from his eyes. He lowered his head even more as he felt the tears soak the sleeves on his shirt. Silence followed, and the only sound that could be heard was his sobs that seemed to bounce off the walls in this empty place.

*

“Mmm Kazu... what do you think our lives would be like if we hadn’t met each other,” Jin asked suddenly; his arms still wrapped tightly around the younger man from behind. They were both sitting on the ground at their apartment, staring at the fire ablaze in the fireplace; the fiery glow reflecting off the paleness of their skin.

Kazuya looked at the older man’s hands that rested on his stomach and said, “Less stressful I suppose.” A smirk caressed his lips as he could sense the pout that was now on the older man’s face.
“I’m serious,” Jin complained. “Answer truthfully.”

The younger man placed his hands on top of Jin’s and said, “Scarier...” Jin furrowed his brows as he tried to understand what the younger man meant. “Without you, it’d be a lot emptier.... and lonelier too...”

Jin smiled and said, “Without Kazu... my life wouldn’t be the same. It’d be like there’s a gap missing just waiting to filled, but it’d be a gap that only Kazu can fill for me.”

“I wonder if I’d even be able to make it so far...” Kazuya laughed softly before continuing. “Somehow, I can’t quite remember any of the memories I’ve had before I met you. The most meaningful ones always involve you one way or another... whether I like it or not.”

Jin frowned and said, “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear the last bit.”

Jin... if I wasn’t around... would you miss me?”

“Is that supposed to be a question?”

Kazuya smiled and said, “In ten years, I wonder if we can still be together like this.”

“Mhmm... there’s no way I’m letting go of my Kazuya... so don’t even think of escaping.”

The younger man laughed loudly. “Baka~!”

*

Several days have passed by, but Kazuya’s condition remained the same. Every day, Jin would sit in the waiting room with Kazuya’s family, and he would sit there without uttering a single word and let the hours go by. Nakamaru and the others have come by several times as well, staying with Jin for as long as they could, and for that, he felt immensely grateful, but he felt bad for not being able to show it.

Minori stopped by a few times to talk to them before going to check on the younger man’s condition. When a full week had passed by, Minori walked into the room with a sullen expression on his face. After greeting everyone, he sat down slowly in the chair opposite to the couch where Kazuya’s parents sat. “After monitoring Kazuya-san’s condition this past week... there have been no changes at all, and with each passing day, chances of recovery are growing slimmer and slimmer. And at this point, I can say those chances are close to zero.”

Jin clenched his fists together as he looked for some kind of reaction from Kazuya’s parents, but he saw none. Even his brothers remained silent with unreadable expressions on their faces.

“And... I don’t want you to feel pressured, but I would like you to know that there is the option of taking Kazuya-san off life support... He may not be feeling any pain right now, but there is no gain in dragging it out any longer when his condition has come to this stage,” Minori explained as calmly as he could, though his voice cracked slightly when speaking.

Kazuya’s mother looked sadly at her husband, and lowered her head as she waited for him to speak. “We’ll... sign the papers,” Kazuya’s father said softly. Upon hearing those words, Jin immediately shot up onto his feet.

“You can’t,” he shouted. “Kazuya’s still fighting! We can’t.... we can’t...” Jin’s voice began to crack and the tears started to fall. “He’s still alive! He’s living and he’s struggling so hard... we can’t give up now....” Jin covered his face with his hands as the pain in his chest multiplied. He was struggling to breath, and the tears weren’t helping.

“Jin-kun...,” Kazuya’s mother breathed out softly. She slowly pulled herself up onto her feet and walked over towards the younger man; tears swelled in her eyes. “Kazuya... Kazuya is gone... he can’t come back...” Her voice trembled as she spoke; her hands clenched tightly into fists with one hand by her lips as she struggled to speak. “I’m so happy that.... not once did you ever give up on him... but... the Kazuya lying on that bed... he’s no longer alive... he’s not our Kazuya...”

“But he’s still breathing! As long as his heart’s still beating, then there’s a chance,” Jin choked out. He knew he was grasping onto that thin, frail thread of hope that Kazuya may wake up, even though a large part of him already knew it was too late.

“But is that really living? He can’t even breath on his own anymore... his heart isn’t even beating for himself... we’re making it that way... we’re forcing him to stay alive when he’s really trying to go...” Jin couldn’t say anything to that; all he could do was cry, and suddenly he felt Kazuya’s mother’s arms around him. “Thank you so much for being there for him for these past few years... if it wasn’t for you... I don’t think he would’ve held on for so long... so thank you Jin-kun... really, really thank you...”

*

Nakamaru and the others came immediately after hearing the news, and they all gathered in Kazuya’s room with the doctor. Jin’s eyes remained fixed on Kazuya’s pale face, and he wanted so badly to just grab the younger man and shake him awake. Kazuya’s parents stood on the other side of the bed with Kazuya’s brothers, and his mother held onto his unmoving hand tightly in her own; the tears already falling as Kazuya’s father gave Minori a small nod, indicating it was time.

After the doctor flipped the switch and took Kazuya off life-support, the heart monitor beeped once, twice, and then the dreadful monotonous tone filled the room. A single tear rolled down Kazuya’s eyes, and Jin told himself he wouldn’t cry, yet the tears still fell and his hands still trembled. He was gone; he was really gone, and there was nothing Jin could do to bring him back.

The mournful beep seemed to amplify in this room accompanied by Kazuya’s mother’s soft sobs, and no one could hear the sound of Jin’s heart breaking as he struggled to stay standing on his feet. Everything suddenly felt a lot emptier, a lot scarier.

*

“I am really, really sorry,” Hitomi said as she bowed low before Jin and Kazuya’s family; Nakamaru and the others not far behind. Kazuya’s family stared at her sadly, but said nothing while Jin gave her a dark, unreadable expression on his face that sent shivers down her spine.

“Saying sorry... won’t change anything, so don’t apologize,” Kazuya’s father said softly, and lead his wife towards the elevator with his sons not far behind.

“I know it was because of my carelessness that caused this, and... I know saying sorry isn’t enough, but...,” her voice trailed off as tears swelled in her eyes.

“Hitomi-san...,” Jin began with a hardened expression on his face, “why did you become a nurse?”

“Be-because I wanted to help people,” she replied in a small voice.

“Then stop wasting your time apologizing for something that cannot be changed, and go take better care of your patients,” Jin said harshly and walked away; Nakamaru and the others following closely behind. He knew it sounded harsh, but it was his way of saying ‘I forgive you.’

*

Everyone gathered around Kazuya’s final resting place and watched as the coffin was lowered, and they all said their last words. Afterwards, Kazuya’s family walked over to the side and started conversing with some family friends and relatives giving Jin and the others an opportunity to talk in private with Kazuya.

“Jin...” Jin turned his head and saw Naomi and Suzu approaching them with flowers in hand.

“...you guys came,” Jin said softly and gave them a slight bow.

“How are you doing,” Naomi asked.

“... as fine as anyone can be,” Jin replied softly.

“You’ve gotten thinner,” Suzu said. “You should take care of your health. Kame-chan won’t want to see you like that.”

“.... I will,” Jin said. “Really appreciate you two coming. Kazu will be really happy.”

“We’ve never met Kazuya-san personally before, but hearing the way you guys talk about him, it kind of feels like we’ve known him for a long time too,” Naomi said as she placed the flowers in front of the tomb. She straightened up her posture and looked at Jin. “Suzu and I have to go back to work, but you take good care of yourself.”

“I will.” He waved goodbye to them, and they left. He turned his attention back towards Nakamaru and the others. “Can I... have a moment alone with Kazu...,” he asked with a small voice. They nodded and walked off to the side; leaving him alone before Kazuya’s grave.

The tomb was simple with nice italicised handwriting, and seeing Kazuya’s peaceful looking smile on the small picture plastered on to the front surface of the stone brought inexplicable pain to Jin’s heart. He wanted to scream, he wanted to yell, but in the end, all he could do was cry.

He crouched down beside the grave and traced the outline of his name with gentle strokes. “Kazu...,” Jin said softly. “You left me all alone...” He rubbed his eyes as he choked back a sob. “Even though you promised you’d stay with me forever...”

Jin closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Don’t worry Kazu.... I’ll keep living my life as best I can... but you’ll wait for me right?” His head hung low and the tears fell more rapidly as he felt a large gust of wind blow past him, embracing him with a familiar warmth. It was only for a fleeting moment, but it meant the world to Jin, and somehow, he didn’t feel so empty.

The End

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Living part 1
9:03 PM


Title : Living (One-shot)
Pairing : Akame (Jin-centric)
Summary : Five years ago, Kame fell into a coma after an accident, and every day Jin goes to visit him with the hopes that one day he'll respond to his voice again.

Warning : Not a very happy story...aka angst.



Akanishi Jin adjusted the strap on his bag as he greeted the nurses and the doctors along the hallway in the hospital. He took a sharp left turn, and then walked all the way down to the last room in that hallway. With a smile on his face, he twisted the doorknob with his hands and entered the room. “Good morning,” he said energetically as he walked into the room. He saw one of the nurses, Naomi, standing by the bed.

“Ah... good morning, Jin,” she said with a bright smile. “You’re late today. I was starting to think you weren’t going to come.”

“Work went later than usual yesterday, so I accidentally slept in this morning,” he explained as he slipped the bag off his shoulders and placed it on the couch by the door. “How is he?”

Naomi smiled sadly and said, “Same as usual.” She paused for a moment before saying, “You know, you really don’t have to do this. There are many qualified nurses here that’ll take good care of Kazuya, so you don’t have to come in so early every morning.”

“I know. It’s not like I don’t trust you, but I want to do it myself. And besides, you were the one that said it’d help his condition to be around familiar people.”

Naomi looked down and said, “He’s really lucky to have someone like you.”

“No, I was the one that was lucky...” Naomi looked at him with curious eyes, but said no more. “So when are you leaving?”

“Next week. There’ll be a new nurse responsible for Kazuya, but I’ll make sure to relay all of his information to her before she starts.”

“... we’re going to miss you... me and Kazu... Do you have to go?”

“I have no control with where they want to transfer me. Don’t worry, I’ll still come back to visit him. We’ve been together for five years... not going to leave him alone just yet...” Since Kazuya had been admitted to this hospital for treatment five years ago, Naomi had always been the nurse responsibly for taking care of Kazuya. Even when she was off, she would frequently come back to visit the younger man to see if everything was alright. “Well since you’re here, I’m going to leave him to you.” She said good-bye to Jin, and closed the door behind her as she left.

Jin walked towards the bedside and sat down on the edge of the bed. “‘morning Kazu...” He bent down and kissed the younger man lying unconscious on the bed. He ran a hand through Kazuya’s soft black hair and caressed his face gently. “Did you miss me?” There was no response, but it wasn’t like there ever was.

The older man stood up and walked up towards the window to pull open the curtains, letting the warm sunlight shine into the room. “It’s so pretty outside...” He turned around and walked back towards the bed. He grabbed Kazuya’s left arm and started to do a few joint rotations at his shoulder, elbow, wrist and fingers; massaging the muscles when he was done. “Last night, I went out to eat with Ueda, Nakamaru, Koki, and Taguchi. They all asked how you were.” He pushed the blankets aside, and grabbed Kamenashi’s left leg and proceeded to do the same exercises. “They all wanted to come see you, but they’re so busy with work...”

He got up and walked onto the other side of the bed and continued with the exercises. “Five years is a long time, ne Kazu? You should stop sleeping soon so we can all go out to play again...” He adjusted the younger man’s posture so that he would be lying on his side, moving his arms into the appropriate positions behind his back, supported by a pillow.

“You know... I had a dream last night,” Jin began as he lifted the blankets to cover the younger man’s body and sat down on the chair beside the bed. “You were in it... you were sleeping on the beach and I was running towards you, but no matter how fast I ran, the distance between us remained the same. And just when I was about to give up, you opened your eyes and smiled at me. But then, I woke up.” He laughed and continued. “I wonder if it’s some kind of sign...

“You really loved the beach, didn’t you? I remember sitting there on the sand with you for hours, and even after the sun had set, you still didn’t want to go... you were such a brat then. You should hurry up and wake up so we can go see the beach again...”

*

Kazuya walked along the shore, kicking the water lightly with his feet as he splashed around like a child. His jeans were rolled up, and his black t-shirt was half-tucked into the front pocket of his jeans. He loved the beach, and he loved the feel of the cool breeze against his bare skin. “If you keep splashing around like that, you’re going to catch a cold,” Jin said with a small grin on his face.

The younger man turned around and smiled brightly at Jin. He stretched out his arms in front of him, asking the older man to come closer. “You should come into the water too! It feels really good,” Kazuya said happily.

“Don’t want to,” Jin replied as he folded his arms in front of his chest.

Kazuya cocked his head to the side and said, “I’ll give you something nice if you do.”

The older man looked off to the side and smiled before saying, “Fine.” He pulled off his t-shirt and rolled up his jeans; kicking off his sandals beside Kazuya’s before heading into the water. He wrapped his arms tightly around the younger man and picked him up off the ground. Kazuya squealed in surprise, and grabbed onto the older man’s shoulders for support; Jin spun him around a few times before setting him back down on the ground. Once the younger man felt his feet touch the wet sand, he planted a sloppy kiss on Jin’s lips.

“Love you,” Kazuya said with a brilliant grin.

“Me too,” Jin said, and Kazuya pulled away from his embrace and started to walk away. He held out his hand behind him and Jin grabbed it happily. Their fingers intertwined with one another’s, and Kazuya’s hand felt so warm in his grip. The only thought that ran through Jin’s head as he tightened his grip on Kazuya’s hands was that he never wanted to let go of this hand... ever.

*

“Did he come again?”

Naomi looked up from her clipboard and looked at the owner of the voice, Suzu, another nurse that had taken care of Kazuya during a few of her shifts. “Name one day he doesn’t come,” she said with a sad smile.

Suzu sighed and said, “I don’t know how he does it.”

“Just because you’re fickle and shallow, doesn’t mean everyone is,” Naomi teased.

Suzu laughed and said, “True, true.” She paused as she stared down at her hands. “But five years is a really long time. Chances of full recovery are growing smaller and smaller with every passing day... Is it okay living with a false hope?”

“I wouldn’t call it a false hope. We’re not here to judge whether or not it’s worth waiting for someone who may never wake up, but as long as he’s still breathing, there’s a chance for recovery.”

“... I feel bad for Akanishi-kun....”

“I don’t know who to feel bad for,” Naomi whispered sadly. “Watching a person that may never wake up, or hearing a person you just can’t respond to.”

*

Jin took off his shoes as he closed the door to his apartment; slipping on his slippers and placing his bag on the ground. He sat down heavily on the white leather couch and sighed deeply. The apartment suddenly felt so silent and empty, and as the days passed, he was growing more and more tired of waiting. Shaking his head from such thoughts, he pushed himself up off the couch and headed towards the kitchen. He poured himself a glass of water and chugged it all down with one big gulp. After taking a quick glance at the clock on the wall, he sighed and proceeded to prepare something for supper. After rummaging around in the fridge, he decided to make a simple fried rice dish for himself.

When he was done, he sat himself down at the dinning table; his eyes staring sadly at the seat across from his. “Itadakimasu...,” he whispered softly and he scooped small portions of rice into his mouth with his chopsticks. He grimaced from its peculiar taste, but he swallowed it nonetheless. In the end, Kazuya’s fried rice was still the best, and he regretted the fact that he didn’t realize this sooner.

*

“Mmm... I’m so hungry Kazu... what are we eating tonight,” Jin asked with a whiny voice as he flopped onto the couch.

“We’re eating my specialty... fried rice,” Kazuya said with an excited grin. He scooped out the rice onto two plates in even portions. He smiled proudly at his creation, and took the two plates and placed them onto their dining table.

“Aw... didn’t we already have that this week already,” Jin whined as he sat down on one of the chairs.

“No complaining! It’s quick and easy to make, and it’s yummy so no whining... unless you want to cook,” Kazuya said as he slapped Jin playfully on the head.

“Fine...,” Jin said with a slight pout.

Kazuya watched Jin probe uninterestingly at his rice and the younger man heaved a deep sigh. “If you really don’t want to eat it, then I’ll make you some pasta...”

“Really?!” Jin immediately straightened his posture as he stared at the younger man with an excited grin.

“Yes, yes... baby...” Kazuya got up from his chair and proceeded back towards the kitchen.

“You know I love you, right Kazu?” Kazuya turned around and smiled.

“Love you too.”

*

Jin walked into Kazuya’s room the next morning and smiled happily as he closed the door behind him. “I’m back Kazuya~!” He moved closer towards the younger man’s bed and crouched down beside him; brushing pieces of hair away from his face. “Missed you.” He bent down and kissed the younger man lightly on the forehead. He grabbed the younger man’s arm and proceeded to do his daily exercises. “Yesterday, I tried to make your specialty fried rice... but I failed miserably,” Jin said with a slight laugh. “You should wake up soon and make me some.”

When Jin grabbed Kazuya’s hand, he felt a small twitch, and his head immediately shot upwards. “Ka-zu...,” Jin breathed out softly as he stared intently at Kazuya’s face. He rubbed Kazuya’s hand to see if he could evoke any further reaction from the younger man, but he received none. Just when he was about to give up, he saw Kazuya’s eyes slowly flutter open. Jin’s eyes widened in shock, and he immediately shot up onto his feet and rushed out of the room; his eyes darting around looking for someone to call for help.

When he saw Minori, the elderly doctor responsible for Kazuya, he immediately grabbed his hand. “Minori-sensei! Kazu... Kazu’s waking up,” he shouted excitedly as he tried to drag him back to Kazuya’s room.

Minori’s eyes widened in surprise as he immediately rushed towards the younger man’s bed, and proceeded to examine him as Jin watched with hopeful eyes. Not long afterwards, Naomi rushed into the room, and looked at Jin with questioning eyes before assisting Minori. After several minutes, the doctor readjusted Kazuya’s position, and covered the younger man with the blanket. He walked over towards Jin and scratched his head lightly as he tried to think of the right words to say.

“How is he... Minori-sensei,” Jin asked hopefully.

“... he’s still in a very deep coma,” Minori said softly.
The smile fell from Jin’s face as he stared at the doctor. “But he opened his eyes! I saw it myself! And I could feel his hand moving,” he blurted out hastily as he waited for a reaction from the doctor.

“It’s not unheard of for comatose patients to move or open their eyes while still remaining in their unconscious state,” Minori explained. “Even though it isn’t as common for patients that have remained in this state for long periods of time.”

“I don’t really understand what you’re saying...”

“Don’t worry Jin-san... this is a good sign. It’ll take time, but gradually, Kazuya-san’s movements should become more frequent, and eventually he’ll come out of his unconscious state.”

“... how long... would it take for him to fully recover?”

“I can’t answer that. It all depends on his will to survive... but chances of a full recovery are fairly small given the time that has passed since he first fell into a coma.... but we’ll do our best, so you’ll have to keep fighting too.”

Minori patted Jin’s arm lightly before leaving the room, and Naomi walked up to him and said, “Don’t give up. He’s working so hard already, and he’ll need all the support he can get.” Jin nodded slightly and she disappeared out of the room not long afterwards.

Jin walked towards Kazuya’s bed and sat down on the chair beside it. “Did you hear that, Kazu? Stay strong, and we’ll get through this together. I’m not going to give up on you, so don’t you go giving up on yourself.” Jin grabbed onto Kazuya’s hand and held it tightly in his own. He bent forwards and pressed the hand against his cheek. “Please wake up soon...”

*

“You’re late Jin,” Kazuya said with a slight pout as he laid on the couch; the blanket that was used to cover him with slipped and half fell onto the ground.

“Ah... sorry... Promise I won’t do it again,” Jin said with an apologetic look on his face as he approached the younger man.

“You always say that,” Kazuya pouted. “You say you hate when people make you wait, but you make me wait for you all the time.”

Jin sat down on the edge of the couch beside Kazuya, and placed his arm around the younger man’s shoulder. “Sorry, really... I promise I won’t do it again!”

“Fine, I’ll believe you... for now...”

“For now? What do you mean, ‘for now’,” Jin teased as he climbed on top of the younger man and stared down at him with amused eyes.

“Exactly what I just said,” Kazuya said with a half-smile. He placed his arms loosely around Jin’s neck, and continued. “Are you going to do something to make me forgive you faster?”

Jin smiled and bent down to kiss him lightly on the lips. He knew exactly what to do to get the younger man to forgive him; it was never a difficult task because when it came to Jin, the younger man could never stay mad.

*

“Well don’t you look happy today,” Nakamaru said as he slapped Jin playfully on the shoulder.

Jin grinned widely at the older man. “I am happy! There’s a chance for Kazu to recover,” Jin said happily. “He hadn’t moved at all in the past few years, but today when I went to see him, his hand moved! And his eyes opened! Minori-sensei said that even though it might take a long time, Kazu will eventually wake up.”

The others could see how happy Jin was, and they felt immensely happy as well. “That’s great news,” Ueda said with a smile.

Koki walked up towards Jin and placed his arm loosely around his shoulder. “Since we have next week off, lets all go visit Kame-chan. We haven’t seen him in a long time anyways,” Koki suggested, and the others nodded in agreement.

“Kazu will like that,” Jin said. “He needs it...”

*

Jin lead the others towards Kazuya’s room, and as he passed by the nurse’s station, he saw Suzu reprimanding a nurse, but paid no heed to it as he continued towards Kazuya’s room. He pushed open the door and said, “Guess who came to see you, Kazuya~!” When he saw Kazuya’s parents sitting by his bedside, he immediately straightened his posture and bowed respectively.

“Ah... you all came to visit Kazuya,” Kazuya’s mother said with a bright smile on her face. The others immediately bowed slightly in greeting. “Well since you’re here, me and Dad will leave you alone with Kazuya.”

“Ah, you don’t have to,” Nakamaru said quickly.

“No, it’d just be awkward for us old people to be around,” Kazuya’s father said with a light chuckle. “We can always come back later.”

They all bowed to one another as Kazuya’s parents left the room, leaving Jin and the others alone in the room. “Kazuya’s parents look like they’re in good spirits,” Taguchi remarked absentmindedly.

Jin slapped Taguchi on the head. “Who said you can call my Kazu that,” he said in a teasing tone. “They’re just really happy because Kazu’s finally showing signs of recovery, right Kazu?” He walked over towards the bed and kissed the younger man on the forehead. The others made a disgusted noise, and Jin turned around to glare at them. When their eyes met Jin’s, they all immediately turned their heads with a slight smirk on their faces. They’ve gotten used to the couple’s touchy-touchy behaviour in front of them, although Kazuya was always more considerate than Jin, they still loved teasing them whenever they showed their affection towards one another publicly.

“Wait until we’re not around before you start blurting out your mushy-mushy lines, okay,” Koki teased.

“Oh shove it,” Jin said as he settled onto the chair beside the bed while the others gathered behind him. “These clowns are here to see you Kazu-ouch.” Jin rubbed his head where Koki just slapped him.

“You’re looking better Kame,” Nakamaru said as he rubbed the younger man’s head with his hand.

“Stop sleeping already,” Koki complained. “Akanishi’s getting too hard to handle without you around.”

“Am not,” Jin whined. “Don’t listen to them Kazu!”

“Stay strong, Kame,” Ueda said softly. “We’ll be right here when you wake up.”

“Keep fighting,” Taguchi said. “We all miss you.”

“See Kazu? We’re all here supporting you, so don’t you dare give up,” Jin whispered as he grabbed Kazuya’s hand. He squeezed it tightly in his own, and he could barely keep from screaming out loud when he felt Kazuya squeezing his hand lightly in return. Even though he knew it was an unconscious act, he felt his chest swell with happiness and hope; Kazuya’s full recovery suddenly didn’t feel so far away.

*

“Ugh... I’m so tired,” Jin whined as he flopped down on the chair beside Kazuya. “Ka-zu~!”

“... what is it Jin,” Kazuya asked with a slight smile.

“My shoulders hurt,” Jin said with a pout; staring at the younger man with pleading eyes.

“And what do you want me to do about it?” Kazuya turned his head away from the older man, but the smile on his face only grew wider. Jin pointed to his shoulders indicating he wanted a massage, but Kazuya slapped him playfully on the head. “Don’t be a baka.”

“But my shoulders are sore...”

Kazuya laughed from the whiny tone the older man used. It was hard to believe that he was a couple years his senior. “Oh fine.” He turned to the side and gave Jin’s shoulders a gentle massage. “There... better?”

“All better,” Jin said and wrapped his arms around the younger man. “You’re the best!” He tried to kiss him, but Kazuya pulled away.

“Not here Jin,” he said firmly as he tried to free himself from the older man’s grip.

“There’s no one else here,” Jin retorted. He tried a little more forcefully, and the younger man laughed and pushed away.

“Oh for the love of-GET A ROOM!” Jin immediately stopped and the two of them looked towards the doorway and saw Koki standing there with a mock look of disgust on his face; Nakamaru, Ueda, and Taguchi stood behind him with an amused look on their faces.

“You’re just jealous,” Jin said as he wrapped his arms more tightly around Kazuya, and the younger man blushed.

“Let go,” Kazuya said firmly as he tried to push his arms away. When the older man wouldn’t budge, Kazuya elbowed him in the side and stood up. “I’m going to the bathroom.” He disappeared out of the room with an embarrassed look on his face.

“So mean... Look what you made my Kazu do,” Jin whined as he crossed his arms in front of his chest with a slight puff.

“Oh if you weren’t so damn touchy-touchy, Kame wouldn’t be so mean,” Koki retorted and sat down on the couch at the back of the room followed by the others.

“You have to admit, baldy does have a point,” Nakamaru said as he avoided Koki’s incoming fist.

“I’m already holding back enough as is,” Jin said with pout.

“Well you should try harder,” Ueda said.

“But it’s not my fault! Kazu is clingy too, but I don’t see you lecturing him,” Jin complained.

“But Kame doesn’t overdo it like you do,” Taguchi said and had to duck to avoid the magazine that headed his way.

“Just wait til you get him started, and then he’s the one that can’t keep his hands off me,” Jin said loudly, and the others made a disgusted sound. “You just have to touch-.”

“Just stop... that’s too much information, WAY too much information,” Nakamaru said, and the others couldn’t help but agree. Jin really didn’t know how to be discreet about his and Kazuya’s relationship, and once he gets started, he just doesn’t know when to stop. There were some things that were better left hidden behind closed doors, a fact that Kazuya seemed to understand a lot better than Jin.

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