Not much eh?There are things that scare the wits out of me, and I thought to myself just now that maybe, just maybe, I wasn't mentally prepared for what was to come in my direction. It really scares me. Even when I hear the words from him shrivels my soul.And daftly I just realised that now, after months he said that to me. Pretty freaky. And another one of those lines from him just this afternoon I felt it in my skin, that it felt so foreign and daunting.This feeling only crept up to a higher and a frightening level with the "help" of Aaron only makes this hollow feeling more forbidding. Oh dear god, thinking about it makes my fingers hard to move about on the keyboard. It's practically numb and kinda frozen.Oh god, why you? Why? Of all people why me?
My breathing ragged and my chest thumping at a rate that it could burst. Oh god why?
I know it was my fault that I made him this way. But I tried reasoning with me why he should stop. But it seems that my words were just air. Air that you could just wave it off and tale for granted.
I'm sorry. I knew it was all my doings. So please for my sake, stop.
*
If I knew any better, I would've studied for Socio at least a day before the day of the test. (facepalm)
Cramming all the specifics and essentials about interviews and questionnaires in less than ten hours is proven to be unattainable and instigates a high chance of permanent brain damage. And I think I'm undergoing the initial process now. Or did it happen earlier ago when I fell asleep during the test. (shrug).
Anyhoo yet again, I didn't do that well for the first paper of the Socio test and now I have to study a whole lot harder for the second paper to make up for the first. (sigh) Ah well. I don't know how to force myself to study Socio.
I need motivation. Really. And a whole lot too. A huuggee chunk of it. Because I don't wanna fail for the second MPR.
Sociology is the only subject that I've ever come across to abhor to the very core of my burning soul full of anger and hatred. I hate youuuu Socio!!
*
After the test I quickly packed up my stuff and rushed to the library. Hahaha. I have hidden agendas. Well not so hidden. But still I had stupid trivial reasons why I practically ran and almost tripped on my two feet and stepped on my skirt. (sigh)
There wasn't anyone I know in front of the library and killed time by reading the fics I saved from various LJ comms. And coincidentally "he" was there. Hm. Was taken aback for a short moment before I went to sit somewhere I can't recall where. (is in a total blur) Yeah.
So I read fics and unconsciously kept on glancing at him. And he was busy with his own stuff so wasn't the slightest bit concerned about getting caught redhanded taking glances at him. Yet again I was proven wrong... he saw.
Actually that wasn't the first time today. While I was studying for Socio which started 5 minutes before the test and he suddenly appeared out of nowhere and I got very very distracted. I began acting the usual hyper, crazy, fangirl me and my head almost went around 360 degrees scanning the area for him and was turning around.
He turned to somewhere around me and stupidly, I quickly turned around and flail my arms about as if I was stretching my arms. HAHAHAHA I was stiff that time so the stretches were as stiff as a board! HAHHAHA!! Man, why do I tend to lose my cool when it comes to this? HAHHAHA!! It's sooo not me.
So after I finished reading those fics I made my way out and I felt the wind crashing to my face and the coldness was uncanny. It wasn't everyday that you feel small droplets of rain hitting you face as soon as you step out of the library.
It drizzled at first and I sat alone on the red plastic chair and kept on seeing the he-b*tch from time to time. So I thought that of I can't really kill him or punch the lights out of him, maybe I could learn to forget about what happened and yeah.
No sooner Fakhri, Zils, Baz and the others came from... somewhere under the light rain and then FWOOOSSHHH!!! the rain became heavy as soon as they stepped on the pavement. HAHHA! Sometimes I love how nature works its wonderous ways. Ooo~ Alliteration! And then there was strong wind and everything clattered and glass fall and crash into uncountable pieces, notes flown and scattered everywhere on the wet muddy ground, skirts.....flew up..... and guys go 'Oooh~ Phewiit!' Bunch of pervs.
Then talked with Zati for a while behind the library before she went home and the rain withered and the wind died down for a bit and everything calmed down. Then silence.
Uwaa~ Twas boring that time. Everyone else went to watch the footie match and mom picked me up. Mom, bro and I went to McD because I kept on pestering her about food and how hungry I was.
We ate out and during the destination home my mom was being crazily funny that I laighed till my stomach hurts. She was talking about racing the Merc that was beside us.
So then while turning at a curve with the hot sleek grey Merc still beside us, she kept on saying "Mari ko, mari ko, hahahaha cuba lawan mercedesku ane nah! Hah! Hah! Cubatah nah!" HAHAHAH And then and then she had this poker's face on and her back slumped forward as if imitating a real racer! HAHHAHA!!
She pushed the pedal to the metal and zoomed past the Merc then laughed in her so called victory and continued racing against the Merc which eventually "won" against her.
And then and then... she made this joke and I swear made me almost piss in my pants...skirt...whatever... HAHAHAHAHA!! Then I continued the joke till we got home~ And laughed-- OH OH!! While mom was about to drive in the junction this um, well known transvestite in our kampong just passed by us and waved to my mom. So then my brother questioned the driver's gender.
Then mom said : "Eh, si Saleha tu!"
And my brother choked on his words when he heard it, and looking at his expression and his sudden silence made me crack up. Then mom continued : "Masa pagi namanya Salleh tu, awal malam ane Saleha jadinya." HAHAHAH I don't know and I'm not sure why that made me ROTFLMAO in the car but I think it's the way she said it. HAH!
Man, then I continued with the statement to become a joke and we laughed to our merry ways till we got home and till we went inside the house. I bet the maid next door thought we were crazy or something. But hey, I had a fun time. My family consistes of three crazy members, a serious member and a baby! And with all that, there's no time when it ain't fun with my mom.
(sigh) I wanna watch the tournament! >________________<
Labels: Brain not working well: A great time for randomness, daily life, im holding on to my pee, my hands are cold., random crap
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