[FICLET] Uh... First JaeHo fic?
So... um. Yeah. Another fic. It's amazing how long I can write when I'm in a sad state than I were in any other. Of course, JaeHo.I'm not sure how to summarise this. Okay lemme try the summary.Summary : They said it was just a temporary fix. A way to pass the time until they got girls of their own. It was just something to fill the empty space in their beds. Jaejoong was lying. Yunho wasn't.Ngah. Listening to DBSK's Begin isn't making my mood any better. Why do I have to be so... emo?Small drops of brine fall
unto this purple fabric;
Against the pillar
at the back
I show you this
Only you and I know
The only ones
This secret is meant between me and you
A secret shared to bond ourselves
You know that.
I told you.
Everywhere I go
I'd always end up at that place
where no one wanted me
where they put up fake smiles
where I feel most hated
As if I had nowhere else to go
As if I'm in a maze;
caught in a dead-end, that place.
But that place is the only place
where I won't feel lonely
despite the isolation.
That place holds me back from dying inside.
But it hurts not to hate it.
I want to despise it, and myself.
Because I had nowhere else to go.
And they're just my only choice.
Bad one. Bad, bad, bad. This is one thing I really didn't like about writing poems. The idea just pops back in my head and came out to be soo bad and still in draft form. A spur of the moment kinda thing.
Well at least I got some out of me. I felt like my head was gonna burst, thinking about it.
Oh right, on to the fic. And again. This one is a spur of the moment kinda thing like the poem. So there might be some errors. Bleh.
I.They said it was just a temporary fix. A way to pass the time until they got girls of their own. It was just something to fill the empty space in their beds.
Jaejoong knew from the beginning that he was lying right through his teeth. He had gotten so good at lying; sometimes it almost felt like the truth. He had always just assumed Yunho was equally deceptive. Lying about wanting nothing but a warm body to tide him over, not specifically Jaejoong’s warm body.
II.They carried on this way for years. The secret smiles and careless touches, brushing against each other, furtive fucks in closets and bathrooms and hidden corners. Jaejoong doesn’t remember when it stopped being just a fuck. Maybe it never was to him. Jaejoong doesn’t remember when he started to kiss Yunho. He doesn’t even remember if Yunho wanted to kiss him back or not.
The arrangement never was ideal. But then what of a clandestine homosexual relationship between celebrities ever is? But it was enough. They would keep lying about only needing a warm body for as long as this lust held their bodies together- hopefully forever, however naïve the notion. Or at least Jaejoong would.
III.The girl is beautiful. Not nearly as beautiful as Jaejoong mind but she was attractive in her own right. Jaejoong is all long limbs and sinewy body, hard edges pressed up against flat lines. She is petite and cute, curvy hips and ample chest. Both with silky fair hair and a pretty pink pout, long fluttery lashes and big dark eyes. But she giggles in ways Jaejoong is unused to, swings her body cutely in ways only adorable on a girl. She calls Yunho oppa with the drawn out syllables and girlish soprano.
When Jaejoong lies empty in his bed he forces his mind not to question why. He knows why. Hates that he knows why. But they always said it was only a temporary fix. Perhaps this temporary fix became a craving and an addiction, drunk on sex and heat, but all vices are curable. Perhaps only in eventuality and painstakingly so, but all in all curable, Jaejoong reminds himself.
IV.Heechul presses a cold beer against Jaejoong’s hot cheek. There is a silent understanding between the two boys. Once a rivalry of beauty and talent, vying for the affection of the same boy; but now it’s a silent understanding between two boys who know what being scorned by love for a woman of all things feels like.
Yunho dances close to the girl, practically panting in her ear and she doesn’t seem to mind in the least.
“Does it ever stop hurting?” Jaejoong asks quietly between sips. Heechul smirks, on the surface it seems merely mischievous, but Jaejoong knows the crude shape of the smirk comes only from the bitterness of heartbreak.
“Jaejoong. You and I are nothing alike.” Heechul says haughtily and gets up. Jaejoong takes that as a “no”. Heechul can flirt all he wants; throw himself in front of the camera, arms and legs tangled around nameless boy after nameless boy, harmless kisses and extravagant hand gestures every which way. But his eyes tell a different story.
Heechul is right. They are nothing alike. Jaejoong cannot hide his pain so easy, even if he merely brushes off the angles at which the camera catches his sadness as simple shyness.
V.Slowly Jaejoong begins to edge away. Turn his head towards Junsu and away from Yunho. To smile at Changmin and spend his time with Yoochun. Yunho is so wrapped up in whats-her-name he doesn’t even notice until it’s too late. Until he’s staring at Jaejoong across a chasm.
Yunho asks the others sometimes what’s wrong with Jaejoong. Junsu gives him a pitying look. Changmin shakes his head at him exasperated. And Yoochun slaps him upside the head.
VI.Jaejoong smiles with sad eyes and walks away.*Heechul's this really reaallllyyyy hot guy in Superjunior, the first Korean group I fell in love with. Sadly I don't have any pictures of him. But he's really divine-looking! siiiigh. I love being in a fandom of hot guys with fangirls fawning over them.Labels: DBSK, Jaeho, Jaejoong, shounenai, Yunho
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