I will never feel the same. I will never ever be able to let go.Pairing : Kim Jaejoong and Jung Yunho (Jaeho)
Length : One-shot
Summary : How could someone yearn for such a dramatic illusion? Taking in everything that life had thrown towards him, typical Grade-A student, Kim Jaejoong, found himself facing the greatest hurdle yet.
“Asshole.” Kim Jaejoong muttered under his breath as he picked up the pieces of paper that had fallen onto the dirty cement floor. He frowned as he adjusted his heavily framed spectacles, smiling as he saw that his assignments were still usable.
A screech could be heard from his left as he turned around to see his best friend taking up the next seat to him. “Don’t you think it’s just too tiring to be doing that every single day?” Park Yoochun muttered as he faced his friend, resting his head on his palm as he frowned.
“I would feel better this way.” Jae shrugged as he sat back on his chair once again.
“Being nerdy didn’t seem to be doing you any good.”
“Don’t bother.” Jae rolled his eyes. “I’m fine with the way I am right now.”
Yoochun’s eyes hardened as he heard the resignation tone in Jae’s voice. “Students that fell in love with you shouldn’t be your burden to carry. They made it hard for you anyway when you rejected them in the end. Do you like it? Having to see your things being thrown on the floor each day just because you said ‘no’?”
“No, of course I don’t but it makes them feel better about it.” Jae smiled.
“Baka.”
_____________________________________________________________________
Jae loved nothing more than to walk down the school garden; to make sure that every single plant was in place. But due to some obvious reasons, he couldn’t do just that. Sitting down on the grass, under the huge Angsana tree, he looked at his heavily bandaged leg.
He remembered how furious Yoochun had looked the day before. It was an accident, Jae rebutted silently. A student, one of his usual admirers, had confessed to him in the middle of the cafeteria, with everybody else looking. Jae couldn’t bear to hurt the boy but he couldn’t say yes either.
The torn expression on his face was enough to give the boy an answer. Jae didn’t know that the boy would push him. He sure didn’t know that he would fell right on his butt, twisting his left ankle on the way.
Everybody gasped but not Yoochun.
The next moment, Jae saw a flash of white (Yoochun’s jacket) and found the boy falling down on the floor beside him. Without uttering much, his best friend grabbed his hands and pulled him up slowly. And he found himself in the school infirmary a few minutes later, with the school nurse tending to his injury.
It was just an accident, an event that no one would ever want to find themselves in. Leaning against the trunk of the tree, he looked up, seeing the green leaves swaying with the wind. Smiling foolishly to himself, he closed his eyes, feeling content.
Poke.
Poke. Poke.
Poke.
“Stop it, Yoochun!” Jae barked as he opened up his eyes, frowning. But the frown quickly changed into an apologetic look as he realized that the man beside him was not his best friend at all. “I’m sorry.”
“What for?” The stranger replied as he winked. “I’m the one who was poking you on your injured ankle.”
“Right.”
“So, yesterday was quite a show, huh?”
Something stilled inside of him when Jae heard the sentence from the other man. “It’s not a show.”
“If you say so.” The man replied, shrugging his shoulders, not at all being intimidated by Jae’s cold voice.
“Who are you? I have never seen you before.”
The other man could only smile before standing up slowly, Jae’s eyes followed his every move, frowning once again. “Yunho. Jung Yunho, nice to meet you.” He winked but didn’t reach out a hand for Jae to shake. “And don’t worry, we will be meeting each other a whole lot more that you will get uneasy should I disappear one day. Good day, Kim Jaejoong, it’s been a good day.” _____________________________________________________________________
Jae didn’t think much of the meeting of course. Who could be so weird as to say something like that? Even when the other man had left him alone in the garden, his face was still flustered, his heart somehow beating faster.
But it’s stupid; he chided himself as he locked the door to his shared hostel room with Yoochun. He was not interested in committing himself to any relationship right now, especially with someone that could be as weird as that. Jae had wanted to ask his best friend about Yunho back last night but he found out that the room was empty. Yoochun must be out partying with Junsu again.
Jae shook his head as he though of the two men. They should just stop threading around each other already. Being a watcher was a tiring 24/7 job and to see the two men trying to get the other person jealous was ridiculous. They should just have confessed to each other and be together. That would be a good happy ending for the both of them.
Clutching his bag on his right hand, he walked down the road, walking towards his school as he contented himself with the amazing view around him. The sun was shining brightly today as he smiled foolishly to himself.
“Another good morning, I see.”
Jae didn’t need to turn around to know who it was but he didn’t need to stop either to acknowledge the owner of the voice. Walking a little bit quicker but hopefully not noticeable, Jae kept his focus in front of him.
“Ignoring me, I see.”
The sentence made him stopped in his tracks. Jae could only turn around, watching the man from yesterday standing in front of him, smirking. “I’m not ignoring you. I’m just not acknowledging you.”
“Wow. That’s another way to put it.” Yunho replied, smiling now as he put his left arm around Jae’s shoulders, forcing him to turn around once again before continuing the walk down the road.
“You might think that I’m feeling uncomfortable around you.” Jae started after a few minutes of walking in silence. It was a puzzle how the other man’s arm had moved down to snake around his waist. “I am.” Jae replied bluntly.
“Ouch.” Yunho replied, putting his free right hand over his chest, pretending to be hurt. “I’m honoured to be the one making you feel uncomfortable.” He winked before pulling Jae closer towards him. “And I know your weakness, Kim Jaejoong.” Yunho leaned in, whispering into the other man’s ear.
“Weakness-s?”
“You always find it hard to see no, don’t you? That’s the reason why you are not punching me right on the face the moment I put my arms around you.”
_____________________________________________________________________
Kim Jaejoong was a man that respected a person’s privacy. He was also the type of guy that would never ever force someone to talk about something he or she wouldn’t want to. And that included a certain Jung Yunho.
He was everywhere, Jae thought silently. It was as though the other man had replaced Yoochun’s place in being his best friend. They went everywhere together, even the darn school’s toilet.
Yunho was right, damn it! He couldn’t imagine himself snapping at the other man to leave him alone. He would never do that and because of that, he couldn’t very well get out of Yunho’s grasp.
Well, not that he had wanted to.
“You are frowning.”
The soft question forced Jae to tear his attention away from his theory book to take a look at the other man beside. Something struck Jae’s attention as he saw how nonchalant the other man was. “Why are you not studying?”
“Huh?”
“Exams are coming in a month. Everyone is busy, getting ready to start their revision.”
“Yoochun didn’t.”
Jae frowned at the mention of his roommate who was currently bunking in with Kim Junsu. “Yes but at least he attended the lectures and classes. You didn’t.”
“So?”
“So you should be studying harder than the rest of us. Not sitting under the tree, goofing off, wasting your time like this.”
Yunho remained silent, not replying as he closed his eyelids slowly. Jae frowned, feeling uneasy all of the sudden. “You know, sometimes, a thing could consume our life and we wouldn’t even know it. And you keep on going, day after day, striving to be the best. But when you finally reach the top, you had found out that you had just lost to life.”
“What are you saying?” Jae whispered.
Jung Yunho was a chameleon, Jae thought silently as the other man opened his eyes quickly ands smiled like a fool he always was. “I’m just saying, studying too hard could make you go crazy.”
“….”
“Oh well, I’m already crazy anyway.”
Jae could only turn back to his book, not really reading. “We could be crazy together.”
And Yunho’s mouth curved into a tiny smile.
_____________________________________________________________________
Jae didn’t blink.
His orbs were starting to tear but still, he refused to even take a tiny blink. The class was silent behind him. He could feel pairs of eyes burning through his back but still, he didn’t move.
“Mr. Kim, you are going for detention this afternoon.”
Jae looked at his homeroom teacher, Alexander, as his hands balling into a tight fist. “I have done it. It’s just that I had forgotten to bring it to school.”
Alexander could only shake his head sadly as he saw what used to be the top student in the class. “You had said that yesterday and the day before. It’s been a week; you can’t keep going on the same lie forever.”
“I’m not lying.”
“Look at yourself!” Alexander’s voice boomed as it echoed in the almost-silent classroom. “You used to be at the top of the class but now, it’s a different matter altogether. I won’t even bother to mention about your grades! Is being late your style now?”
“The bus is late.”
“3 o’clock. Detention, no arguments.”
“I won’t go.”
Alexander froze as he stared into his student’s eyes, seeing the defiance raging in those orbs. “What had happened to you, Jae? You didn’t use to become like this. I thought that I would never have to be worried about you.”
“That’s not your problem.”
“You are my student.”
“Fuck that.”
Soft gasps could be heard throughout the classroom as the teacher’s eyes hardened. “What did you just say?”
“Fuck off. I’m leaving. I had enough of school anyway.”
_____________________________________________________________________
“How could a guy who always seems to be following the rules suddenly becomes a guy who could be so defiant?”
Jae didn’t need to look up to know that it was Yunho. Eyes still focused on the book on his lap, his vision began to blur as he stared deep at that one spot on the yellowed page. Choking back a sob, his hand flipped the page to the next one.
“You are trembling.” Yunho whispered as his hand closed around the other man hand, their hands lay in the middle of the page, resting softly on top of each other. Jae slowly turned his hand around so that their fingers could intertwine.
“Things change, you know.” Jae replied as his eyes bored on the linked hands. “One moment I’m at the top of the game and the next, I’m being pushed to the ground.”
“I heard about your parent’s divorce. I-”
“I had expected it.” Jae interrupted. “One way or another, there would be a time when even the harshest of words couldn’t win a fight. I’m happy for my parents, you know. Happy that they could now be freed of the other’s grasp, they don’t fit well, I know that. My sisters do too. They didn’t want to admit it at first, wanting to hold on to something that’s not theirs.”
“Everyone should have a chance to hope.”
“And not every hope could be turned into a new day. They paid the price for all these years of fighting and screaming. But I’m stuck.” Yunho could see the other man’s lips trembled. “They won’t let me go. Up until now, they still won’t let me go.”
“I think you are old enough to decide who you would want to live with.”
Jae looked up, smiling wistfully. “And tell me, how could a son ever choose his father or mother?”
_____________________________________________________________________
It was eight in the morning when he heard noises in the living room. Rubbing his sleepy eyes as his feet touched the cold floor; he took slow and steady steps towards the largest space of the apartment.
“Nuna?” Jae whispered softly as he saw his oldest sister sitting on the couch, smoking her usual brand of cigarette. “What are you doing here?”
“Well, I want to check on my bratty brother.” Hye Jin replied as she patted the empty seat beside her as Jae moved to sit on the space mentioned. “You are not doing well in school.”
Jae snorted, not at all surprised. “My homeroom teacher called you?”
“Hey.”
The sudden voice stopped the smirk on Jae’s face as he muttered a soft apology. “I have nothing against Alexander.”
“You better not; I’m getting married to him in a month. And it’s not him who had called me.”
“Huh?” Jae looked up, confused.
“Yunho. Jung Yunho. I didn’t know that you had found yourself another best friend.”
He found me, Jae thought silently.
_____________________________________________________________________
SIX MONTHS LATER:
The fallen leaves were on the ground, making sounds with every step that Jae was taking. His hand was holding a familiar black book with exactly 323 pages of English’s Shakespeare translated into Hangul. Sitting down on his usual spot, he put the old book on his lap.
Waiting, he was waiting for someone.
“Hey.”
Jae frowned, his heart screaming in frustration as he turned around, seeing Yoochun taking the empty space beside him. “What are you doing here?” Jae asked bluntly, not bothering whether he had offended the younger man or not.
“Ouch, that really hurts, Jae-ah.” Yoochun muttered as he threw a small punch onto Jae’s left arm. “I can’t see my best friend now? How long had it been since you had moved from the school hostel to your mom’s place?”
“Six months.”
“You had beaten the whole state, what a surprise.” Yoochun replied sarcastically.
“I have been gone far too long, I guessed. I’m sorry, for not mentioning it to you personally. You are too wrapped up with Junsu to even bother where I was.”
“Jeez, thanks for the insult.”
“Listen, I come back to look for someone.”
“Oh great. Now I’m really hurt.” Yoochun pouted, his eyes darkened when he realized that the other man wasn’t looking for him at all.
“Hey, don’t be a baby, alright?” Jae rolled his eyes. “Where’s Jung Yunho? Did he passed the exams?”
Yoochun frowned as his mind searched for face to match the name that Jae had just spoken. “Jung Yunho? I have never heard of him before.”
“Very funny.” Jae threw a punch back. But when he saw the puzzled look on Yoochun’s face, his irritation gave way to confusion. “He’s the guy that always had the knack to stick with me. We were always together, remember?”
“Jae-ah…” Yoochun was hesitant, as though afraid of saying something in his mind. “You became rebellious the moment your parents are going through a divorce. You always came to school late, started to smoke, missed out on lessons and didn’t even bother to hand in your homework.”
“Was I that bad?”
“That’s not the worse of it.” Yoochun whispered. “You were always talking to empty air, as though there was someone beside you when it was obvious that there wasn’t anyone there. The school was alerted you know but your sister refused to send you for treatment. She said that you were going to leave soon anyway.
“Is this a joke? Because if it is, then it’s not really funny.”
“It’s not, Jae. It’s not. You were always spending most of your time under this tree, reading that old book on your lap. It was a normal view from my point of view, back at the classroom but then I saw your mouth opened as you turned around, smiling into the empty air beside you.”
“I-I…”
“I wanted to help, fuck, I should have but Junsu was so scared for me that he refused to let me out of his sight. But I never fail to follow you to school every single day and right at the moment when you were at the main road, you will stop for a while before smiling. And you began talking as though there was someone beside you when in reality, there was no one at all.”
“That couldn’t be. He’s real.”
“You looked happy.” Yoochun replied as he stared out at the school backyard’s garden. “Maybe that’s the only reason why I didn’t confront you even when I was tempted to. You have never looked so happy, as though you were with someone that you loved. And I decided that it’s better that way, to leave you alone and just keep on protecting you from afar. You are my best friend, Jae-ah, you always are. I couldn’t stand seeing you hurt.”
“I know.”
_____________________________________________________________________
Jae’s hands trembled as Yoochun passed him what seemed to be an old piece of newspaper. Yoochun prodded him to take a look at it as he realized that it was last year news.
December 17th, 2006
A high school student of Kim Yeok High had met with a fatal car accident at 3.30pm on Mkei Jin Main Road. Jung Yunho, son of the infamous poetry writer, Jung Huanwee, was pronounced dead when….
Jae couldn’t bear to continue reading on as his eyes gazed down to the small familiar picture of the boy that he used to know. The boy that had brought a tremendous amount of sunshine in his life.
“I-I…I have been talking to a ghost?” Jae whispered weakly as the piece of newspaper fell to the ground.
And Yoochun didn’t know what to answer to that.**********First of all, this is a one-shot and would remain as a oneshot; no sequel is intended to be written at all. So I take this chance to clarify.How Yunho could call Jae's sister?- Well I have two ways to say this. Firstly, call. Technically it's impossible but I don't know. I mean if ghost really exist in real world then it's quite possible that they could call... right? Second, mind to mind. Letting his sister know(maybe in a dream) of Jae's problem and making her think that it was a phonecall.Well there are other ways - though impossible - but hey it's just another fanfiction.P.SComments will be loved.Labels: DBSK, fanfiction, Jaeho, oneshot
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