Jin poured two teaspoons of sugar into the coffee, stirring it a few times before taking a sip. “So how’s the new hospital,” he asked.“Every hospital is the same,” Naomi said as she relaxed in her chair. This was the first time Jin has seen the older woman outside of the hospital, and she looked a bit different; a lot younger, he supposed. “But I do miss working with Suzu and the others. And I do miss Kazuya.”“You don’t miss me,” Jin said with a melodramatic gasp.“Nope,” Naomi said with a smirk, but when she say the hurt expression on Jin’s face, she added, “Well maybe just a little.” She grabbed her glass of water and took a small sip. “Have you met the new nurse responsible for Kazuya?”Jin pouted his lips out slightly, as if deep in thought and said, “Hitomi-san right? I met her... she’s not as nice as you though.”“She’s quiet. More reserved, but she’s new so it’ll take her some time to adjust,” Naomi explained.“... will she be okay,” Jin asked in a dead-serious tone.Naomi smiled reassuringly and said, “She should be fine. I’m sure Suzu will help her out as much as she can.”“But in the end, it’s still Hitomi-san’s responsibility, right? Suzu-chan still has her own patients to take care of so she can’t be checking up on Kazuya all the time...” Naomi didn’t even have the chance to say anything in response to that as Jin’s phone started ringing loudly. “Excuse me...” Jin reached down into his front pocket and pulled out the phone. He flipped it open and pressed it against his ear. “Hello?”‘Jin-kun...’“Kamenashi-san? What’s wrong,” Jin asked worriedly; the way Kazuya’s mother’s voice cracked as she spoke and struggled with her words scared him.‘You have to... you have to come to the hospital... Kazuya... he... he’s...’ Kazuya’s mother couldn’t even finish her words and the phone slipped from Jin’s hand and fell onto the table.“What’s wrong,” Naomi asked.“... it’s Kazuya...,” Jin said softly as he struggled to breath. “I... I have to go to the hospital...”*Jin rushed to the hospital and headed straight towards ICU. When he saw Kazuya’s parents sitting at the waiting room, he immediately ran in. “What... what happened,” Jin asked with short breaths.“Oh Jin-kun,” Kazuya’s mother sobbed as her husband rubbed her arm in a comforting gesture, and Jin could see the sadness that lurked within his eyes. “Kazuya... he...” She couldn’t even finish her words as her tears took over.“Don’t worry... he’ll make it...,” Kazuya’s father said, but he wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince her, or himself. He turned his attention to Jin and said, “Jin... do you want to go see him?” Jin could say nothing, so he merely nodded his head.“Do you want to come with me then?” Jin turned around and saw Minori standing behind him with a darkened expression on his face. “Come, Jin-san.”Minori turned around and moved towards the room at the end of the hall. The door jerked open after the doctor pressed in his pass code and Jin followed him inside. There were many doctors and nurses running around, and they walked past several rooms before Minori stopped in front of this particular door with the name Kamenashi Kazuya printed on the board attached to the door.“Jin-san... before we go in, I want you to prepare yourself... the Kazuya-san you see lying in there right now, may not be the same Kazuya-san you remember from yesterday,” Minori warned, and Jin nodded. The doctor slowly pushed open the door and Jin took a deep breath before walking in. Even though he expected the worst, when his eyes fell upon the sight of Kazuya’s pale face, he felt a tightness in his chest that took his breath away.Kazuya was lying on his back, and there were a few more tubes that connected to his body than he last remembered. Jin couldn’t help but notice that Kazuya’s face lost the glow that was present even in his comatose state, and it was now replaced by a sickening paleness that made his heart tighten even more. Despite the loud, clear beeping of the heart monitor, Kazuya still didn’t look very much alive.Jin’s hands shook uncontrollably as he slowly staggered towards Kazuya’s bed. He gently lifted his hand to touch his face, and it felt unbearable cold; he was alive, but the warmth that he remembered was no longer there. “Ka-Kazu...,” he whimpered out softly and his voice cracked, the tears fell, and suddenly, he was on the ground; memories from five years ago rushed through his mind.*“I’m back Kazu...,” Jin announced tiredly as he changed out of his shoes and into his slippers. He took off his jacket and threw it onto the couch. He looked around the apartment and when he didn’t catch sight of the younger man, he headed into their room to see if he was in there. When he didn’t see him, he suddenly felt a sense a dread wash over him. He didn’t understand why he felt that way; it wasn’t like the younger man never went out without letting him know where he was going.He shook his head from those anxious thoughts, and reached for his cell phone that he had left on the night stand. Flipping it open, he noticed there were close to thirty missed calls, and suddenly, he felt scared. Hesitantly, he checked the calls, and they were all from unknown numbers. He saw the flashing icon indicating that he had a new voice message, and he immediately opened it from his mailbox. When he heard the voice, he felt all the muscles in his body tense up immediately; it was Kazuya’s father, and the only words he heard were ‘Kazuya... accident... hospital’ but it was enough to make his heart stop beating, and the entire world around him darken to nothing.*“Here Jin-san,” Minori said as he passed the younger man a paper cup filled with warm water.Jin took the cup, but he didn’t drink it; he merely held it in place on top of his lap as he stared hard at the ground just below his feet. A long period of silence followed before Jin spoke. “... what happened,” he whispered. “He was fine yesterday... Just the other day, I even felt him grab my hand...” The tears started to fall again, and Jin couldn’t control the sadness that overwhelmed him.Minori took a deep breath before speaking. “Pneumonia,” he said softly. “We can’t say for sure as we’re still investigating, but it may have been due to a careless mistake on our part.”Jin lifted his eyes and stared at the doctor with surprise. “What do you mean a careless mistake,” Jin asked with a scarily calm voice.“It’s not uncommon for patients in deep comas to become infected with pneumonia, but in many cases, it is preventable. In Kazuya-san’s case, we suspect that fluid from the stomach entered the respiratory tract which was why this happened, and this is generally preventable if special precautions were taken by the nurse.” Minori’s voice grew quieter towards the end of that sentence, but he cleared his throat and continued. “But like I said, at this point in time, we can’t say for sure, and our number one concern is still Kazuya-san’s recovery, though I assure you we will be investigating into this matter more thoroughly.”Jin rubbed his nose as he took a deep breath to calm himself down. He told himself to just forget for a moment why this happened, and focus on how they could fix it. “Pneumonia... is curable... is it not,” he asked, almost too hesitantly.“Generally, yes. But...”“But what?”“... both of Kazuya-san’s lungs collapsed, and when we were performing surgery on him, and for over a full minute, his heart had stopped beating.” Minori paused for a moment to allow this information to sink in to the younger man. “Kazuya-san... he’s no longer breathing on his own... That machine you saw in Kazuya-san’s room, that’s what’s keeping his heart beating at this moment.”The younger man bit hard on his lips as the tears fell more rapidly from his eyes. He lowered his head even more as he felt the tears soak the sleeves on his shirt. Silence followed, and the only sound that could be heard was his sobs that seemed to bounce off the walls in this empty place.*“Mmm Kazu... what do you think our lives would be like if we hadn’t met each other,” Jin asked suddenly; his arms still wrapped tightly around the younger man from behind. They were both sitting on the ground at their apartment, staring at the fire ablaze in the fireplace; the fiery glow reflecting off the paleness of their skin.Kazuya looked at the older man’s hands that rested on his stomach and said, “Less stressful I suppose.” A smirk caressed his lips as he could sense the pout that was now on the older man’s face. “I’m serious,” Jin complained. “Answer truthfully.”The younger man placed his hands on top of Jin’s and said, “Scarier...” Jin furrowed his brows as he tried to understand what the younger man meant. “Without you, it’d be a lot emptier.... and lonelier too...”Jin smiled and said, “Without Kazu... my life wouldn’t be the same. It’d be like there’s a gap missing just waiting to filled, but it’d be a gap that only Kazu can fill for me.”“I wonder if I’d even be able to make it so far...” Kazuya laughed softly before continuing. “Somehow, I can’t quite remember any of the memories I’ve had before I met you. The most meaningful ones always involve you one way or another... whether I like it or not.”Jin frowned and said, “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear the last bit.”Jin... if I wasn’t around... would you miss me?”“Is that supposed to be a question?”Kazuya smiled and said, “In ten years, I wonder if we can still be together like this.”“Mhmm... there’s no way I’m letting go of my Kazuya... so don’t even think of escaping.”The younger man laughed loudly. “Baka~!”*Several days have passed by, but Kazuya’s condition remained the same. Every day, Jin would sit in the waiting room with Kazuya’s family, and he would sit there without uttering a single word and let the hours go by. Nakamaru and the others have come by several times as well, staying with Jin for as long as they could, and for that, he felt immensely grateful, but he felt bad for not being able to show it.Minori stopped by a few times to talk to them before going to check on the younger man’s condition. When a full week had passed by, Minori walked into the room with a sullen expression on his face. After greeting everyone, he sat down slowly in the chair opposite to the couch where Kazuya’s parents sat. “After monitoring Kazuya-san’s condition this past week... there have been no changes at all, and with each passing day, chances of recovery are growing slimmer and slimmer. And at this point, I can say those chances are close to zero.”Jin clenched his fists together as he looked for some kind of reaction from Kazuya’s parents, but he saw none. Even his brothers remained silent with unreadable expressions on their faces.“And... I don’t want you to feel pressured, but I would like you to know that there is the option of taking Kazuya-san off life support... He may not be feeling any pain right now, but there is no gain in dragging it out any longer when his condition has come to this stage,” Minori explained as calmly as he could, though his voice cracked slightly when speaking.Kazuya’s mother looked sadly at her husband, and lowered her head as she waited for him to speak. “We’ll... sign the papers,” Kazuya’s father said softly. Upon hearing those words, Jin immediately shot up onto his feet.“You can’t,” he shouted. “Kazuya’s still fighting! We can’t.... we can’t...” Jin’s voice began to crack and the tears started to fall. “He’s still alive! He’s living and he’s struggling so hard... we can’t give up now....” Jin covered his face with his hands as the pain in his chest multiplied. He was struggling to breath, and the tears weren’t helping.“Jin-kun...,” Kazuya’s mother breathed out softly. She slowly pulled herself up onto her feet and walked over towards the younger man; tears swelled in her eyes. “Kazuya... Kazuya is gone... he can’t come back...” Her voice trembled as she spoke; her hands clenched tightly into fists with one hand by her lips as she struggled to speak. “I’m so happy that.... not once did you ever give up on him... but... the Kazuya lying on that bed... he’s no longer alive... he’s not our Kazuya...”“But he’s still breathing! As long as his heart’s still beating, then there’s a chance,” Jin choked out. He knew he was grasping onto that thin, frail thread of hope that Kazuya may wake up, even though a large part of him already knew it was too late.“But is that really living? He can’t even breath on his own anymore... his heart isn’t even beating for himself... we’re making it that way... we’re forcing him to stay alive when he’s really trying to go...” Jin couldn’t say anything to that; all he could do was cry, and suddenly he felt Kazuya’s mother’s arms around him. “Thank you so much for being there for him for these past few years... if it wasn’t for you... I don’t think he would’ve held on for so long... so thank you Jin-kun... really, really thank you...”*Nakamaru and the others came immediately after hearing the news, and they all gathered in Kazuya’s room with the doctor. Jin’s eyes remained fixed on Kazuya’s pale face, and he wanted so badly to just grab the younger man and shake him awake. Kazuya’s parents stood on the other side of the bed with Kazuya’s brothers, and his mother held onto his unmoving hand tightly in her own; the tears already falling as Kazuya’s father gave Minori a small nod, indicating it was time.After the doctor flipped the switch and took Kazuya off life-support, the heart monitor beeped once, twice, and then the dreadful monotonous tone filled the room. A single tear rolled down Kazuya’s eyes, and Jin told himself he wouldn’t cry, yet the tears still fell and his hands still trembled. He was gone; he was really gone, and there was nothing Jin could do to bring him back.The mournful beep seemed to amplify in this room accompanied by Kazuya’s mother’s soft sobs, and no one could hear the sound of Jin’s heart breaking as he struggled to stay standing on his feet. Everything suddenly felt a lot emptier, a lot scarier.*“I am really, really sorry,” Hitomi said as she bowed low before Jin and Kazuya’s family; Nakamaru and the others not far behind. Kazuya’s family stared at her sadly, but said nothing while Jin gave her a dark, unreadable expression on his face that sent shivers down her spine.“Saying sorry... won’t change anything, so don’t apologize,” Kazuya’s father said softly, and lead his wife towards the elevator with his sons not far behind.“I know it was because of my carelessness that caused this, and... I know saying sorry isn’t enough, but...,” her voice trailed off as tears swelled in her eyes.“Hitomi-san...,” Jin began with a hardened expression on his face, “why did you become a nurse?”“Be-because I wanted to help people,” she replied in a small voice.“Then stop wasting your time apologizing for something that cannot be changed, and go take better care of your patients,” Jin said harshly and walked away; Nakamaru and the others following closely behind. He knew it sounded harsh, but it was his way of saying ‘I forgive you.’*Everyone gathered around Kazuya’s final resting place and watched as the coffin was lowered, and they all said their last words. Afterwards, Kazuya’s family walked over to the side and started conversing with some family friends and relatives giving Jin and the others an opportunity to talk in private with Kazuya.“Jin...” Jin turned his head and saw Naomi and Suzu approaching them with flowers in hand.“...you guys came,” Jin said softly and gave them a slight bow.“How are you doing,” Naomi asked.“... as fine as anyone can be,” Jin replied softly.“You’ve gotten thinner,” Suzu said. “You should take care of your health. Kame-chan won’t want to see you like that.”“.... I will,” Jin said. “Really appreciate you two coming. Kazu will be really happy.”“We’ve never met Kazuya-san personally before, but hearing the way you guys talk about him, it kind of feels like we’ve known him for a long time too,” Naomi said as she placed the flowers in front of the tomb. She straightened up her posture and looked at Jin. “Suzu and I have to go back to work, but you take good care of yourself.”“I will.” He waved goodbye to them, and they left. He turned his attention back towards Nakamaru and the others. “Can I... have a moment alone with Kazu...,” he asked with a small voice. They nodded and walked off to the side; leaving him alone before Kazuya’s grave.The tomb was simple with nice italicised handwriting, and seeing Kazuya’s peaceful looking smile on the small picture plastered on to the front surface of the stone brought inexplicable pain to Jin’s heart. He wanted to scream, he wanted to yell, but in the end, all he could do was cry.He crouched down beside the grave and traced the outline of his name with gentle strokes. “Kazu...,” Jin said softly. “You left me all alone...” He rubbed his eyes as he choked back a sob. “Even though you promised you’d stay with me forever...”Jin closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Don’t worry Kazu.... I’ll keep living my life as best I can... but you’ll wait for me right?” His head hung low and the tears fell more rapidly as he felt a large gust of wind blow past him, embracing him with a familiar warmth. It was only for a fleeting moment, but it meant the world to Jin, and somehow, he didn’t feel so empty.The End
Labels: Akame-ness, angsty, fanfiction
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