At no point of my life had I been chirpy about meeting new people, intended or by chance. New people would result to having to open up and opening up really takes up bodily energy. I am not fond of pleasing one, wearing a mask to hide your true self from a new stranger. To please them. To please their eyes and ears. Pleasing with another thin layer of skin of fake smiles, empty laughter, meaningless conversations, a whole attitude that was never labeled your own. It's disgusting.
I want to live an honest life. Where I wouldn't have to be obliged to smile or laugh. Living free in sync of my heart and soul. We have as much rights as any person has and politeness is a conspiracy.
But our selfish nature would not be human if we aren't hypocritical. There's always a situation, a catalyst or a person where these do not apply. A clay model with limbs within ourselves sensitive to other more-than-soft-clay beings they call special, a heart so soft and vulnerable any more-than-soft-clay people could crush, mold and steal easily and so heartbreakingly. Heart, soul, body. These things would suffer less if the heart is stone.
That would be a wish too far fetched but a wish to read minds wouldn't be so hard. I want to live an honest life but I do sometimes wish to be a manipulative conniving sneaky jack.
In the end none of this ever matters or makes sense. I'm just a plaything. I'm only talking to thin air. I'm only just not the right material.
Labels: getting my evanescence on
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