you innards have a pleasant aftertaste.
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PROFILE ►
I cried "corn beef" in a demonic voice in front of people I'd just met. If that tells you anything about me...
Other than that, the name is Nabilah Johari who goes by her days embarrassing friends with her shameless antics.
unseen unspoken understood


At no point of my life had I been chirpy about meeting new people, intended or by chance. New people would result to having to open up and opening up really takes up bodily energy. I am not fond of pleasing one, wearing a mask to hide your true self from a new stranger. To please them. To please their eyes and ears. Pleasing with another thin layer of skin of fake smiles, empty laughter, meaningless conversations, a whole attitude that was never labeled your own. It's disgusting.

I want to live an honest life. Where I wouldn't have to be obliged to smile or laugh. Living free in sync of my heart and soul. We have as much rights as any person has and politeness is a conspiracy.

But our selfish nature would not be human if we aren't hypocritical. There's always a situation, a catalyst or a person where these do not apply. A clay model with limbs within ourselves sensitive to other more-than-soft-clay beings they call special, a heart so soft and vulnerable any more-than-soft-clay people could crush, mold and steal easily and so heartbreakingly. Heart, soul, body. These things would suffer less if the heart is stone.

That would be a wish too far fetched but a wish to read minds wouldn't be so hard. I want to live an honest life but I do sometimes wish to be a manipulative conniving sneaky jack.

In the end none of this ever matters or makes sense. I'm just a plaything. I'm only talking to thin air. I'm only just not the right material.

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