this was no chicken. this was evil manifest.

I cried "corn beef" in a demonic voice in front of people I'd just met. If that tells you anything about me...
Other than that, the name is Nabilah Johari who goes by her days embarrassing friends with her shameless antics.

enlighten me

Tuesday, September 25, 2007 1:38 PM

I still feel so tired. I don't know why. The enthusiasm and determination that builds up in me whenever I had the chance to update myself about DBSK or the other fandoms, is all gone. The overwhelming joy to the state of euphoria whenever I see another picture or clip of some boyboy loving is now... a completely nothing.

There's nothing in me. I can't feel anything. Even the tears were forced out, at a maximum effort. My love for gays has depleted to nothing. This never happened before, not once or even a second. But now it's been ongoing for almost an hour, I feel nothing.

Something is wrong with me, isn't it? I don't even feel bored. Or maybe I've confused this unexplained despondency as nothing. I... It's very bothering. How... Have you ever felt a sudden gush of mixed feelings and cry for no reason? Seriously what the fuck with wrong with me?!! I can not bear any more sudden breakdowns and feel stupid about it. It's been hurting my mind!!

Fuck, if I could bash my head on a concrete wall to get the answer to all of this, I fucken would! I don't need a damn breakdown, and waste my tears on nothing. These breakdowns damaged my mind enough, my eyes hurts like a bitch but this sadness doesn't wane.

If there is a good soul out there, please tell me why is this so? Please I don't really mind if you even lied, just enlighten me.

By the way, I'm sorry I forgot what today is, Zati. Happy 17th birthday you! Too bad I can't drown you with all my collection of Jaeho pictures. (sigh) Even this(I talk while I type) sounded so lifeless.

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