Overwhelming.
Every time she had participated in any clubs, she knew there were always the 'Introducing yourself' part in every first meetings. All those years in her previous high school, she had subconsciously learnt to be bold in those introductions.Now thrown into a strange environment with so many new faces, she's met with the one she looks up to. The one who she regretted to know, seen, met. A certain news crushed her down which made her realise that she was actually, falling for him. Well, had fallen. Most of the time she would see him with his 'significant other'. And most of the time, she'd find his back facing her. His bright smile when he looked at his 'significant other' so lovingly made her almost, defeated. And so she gave in to the so called war.*She had just joined a club in her school. She knew he was the president of it, but she couldn't care less about it as her passion for photography was so deep. On that day, the very first meeting went afoot in the afternoon. She was doubtful of her choice now. Wanting to change time.Being in that room, despite being spacious, with him and his girlfriend and some other irrelevant members was already dizzying. Her chest felt tight in a way she never felt before, her breathing ragged, her eyes stinging with tears. Fortunately enough she had her other friends with her to block her view of him.Avoiding him seemed like the best way to forget the pain. But she still heard his voice. A lump started to form in her throat, her heart was beating so fast that it could burst out. The pain was too much to handle so she let a tear roll down her cheek silently. It felt like thousands of needles punctured into her throat and chest thus weakened her legs.The it was her turn to introduce herself to the whole committee.*Very well hidden from his sight, she hesitated to stand to reveal herself to him. The silent pain jolted throughout her body then her eyes stung so much from tears of frustration.Her pace was painstakingly slow and all eyes were on her making me more uncomfortable. Maybe if she could just splutter everything out and get on with it was the best way to end the hawk eyes. But no. That'd cause more of their attention to her.Standing at the front, tries as she might to keep an emotionless façade to tell him that she was alright with his presence around her. But she kept on lying to herself that he might fall for that cheap trick. He was a bright student, it was a bit of an understatement really. So she knew he wouldn't fall for it.Instead she avoided his general direction, only looking to the left. Her voice sounded cold and distant. She knew for instant her seniors and colleagues would hate her for that attitude she's putting up. Right at that moment she couldn't care less.She felt like wanting to break down in front of everyone, not caring of her pride and dignity. During the introduction she paused a lot and so did she skipped a lot of the relevant information about her. She just didn't want them to know, especially him. 'Why did God destined us to meet? Why should we knowing that I might be the one who's hurting so much? Is it some sort of sign that I couldn't get a decent commitment with a guy? Huh? Is it??''I'm aching so much inside. No one takes notice of it. Why is everything seem so blurry now? Why do I feel like my eyes are a bit...wet? Oh crap, no.'"Hey, hey. Don't go zoning out." one of the irrelevant seniors snapped his fingers in front of her face, sending her back to Earth. "Well since you're kinda almost done, why don't you tell your status.""My status." she whispered under her breath, looking down feeling more tears stinging. She looked up with insecurities screaming in it, "My status... is cr-- irrelevant." She wanted to say 'crushing' but that'd hint him that I still have those feelings for him. His girlfriend was there. So she had to be careful. With that, she silently went to her seat leaving behind a cold aura.All that while none uttered a word. When the other new members introduced there were sounds of chatters and whatnot but when her turn was up, it was dead silent. She didn't know exactly why. Was she being emo?She continued avoiding his eye contact by shifting around in her seat and looking away when their eyes met in a second. When the meeting ended, she went to the ladies' room and cried all her tears out yet silently. Letting all of her heart to pour out till everything in her went numb. She did. Her eyes had reddened and puffed, her voice was croaky, every parts of her body was weak. Physically and emotionally. At times she wanted to mutilate herself to numb all her pain when crying didn't seem to be enough.She washed her face and pulled a false happy mask then continued with her way. Her knees felt weak that time so she had to use the walls beside her as support, only pulling it altogether when she was near the crowd, waiting outside the library.She doesn't want to be seen as weak, fragile and vulnerable like glass. So she hid behind her mask, smiling and joking around. Only flashes of hurt, regret, pain and hate flicked into her features when she saw him.'Why did I fall for you? You're just another face in the crowd. Just another somebody.'Labels: angsty moment is what I half-ly like and half-ly hate
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